Dear Rebecca

My current bedtime reading is Not about being good – a practical guide to Buddhist ethics by Subhadramati.

I have found it very readable and it has suggested exercises in each chapter, you may find it a good foundation for what you want to achieve.

Best wishes

Roberta

Dear ocean

I am guessing from what you  have said that your boyfriends family does not see their self worth deriving from continually striving for more, better, faster & that they are content with a less is more scenario’s.

I am  also guessing that since you and your boyfriend established early on in the relationship that it was serious and had like wise goals regarding future & family. He may not feel it is necessary to micro manage or reharsh things frequently if your goalposts have not moved.

My own son met his girlfriend and after a year they got engaged and at the same time set their wedding date for the following year. My daughter in law’s family is both academic and artisinal, my family less so.  We have managed to mesh as our ethics and belief in community welfare is our bridging point and now we have 2 happy grandchildren.

Dear Rebecca

I am sorry that you have been physically assaulted.

Trying to look at Karma that fits in with theist single life is very limited ( why does bad things happen to good people). Buddhism on the other hand has the idea that we are reborn again & again in many various bodies ie cats dogs insects as well as humans. Also all beings have been our mother at some point is another stand point along with the loved one, stranger & enemy aspect to relationships and how they interchange  & not only in this lifetime. On top of this we have in the past we have been  & done both skillful & unskillful things. Ok so fast forward to the here & now it is how we respond to any situation is how we sow our future Karma.

Wishing you all the best

Roberta

Dear Star

Heart versus Head, use both. With empathy you were probably  the kind of  social worker whose your clients felt they were being heard and with your intellect you could help them with solutions.  In buddhism we are encouraged to grow and use both wisdom and compassion equally like two wings of a bird.

I am curious what are you doing in your retirement? Have you found something/s that feeds both sides  of you.

If people did not dream or have vision we would still be living in caves.  For many years I wanted to find a permanent space for our local pop up preschool, I had previously rented a couple of allotments for the children to improve their access to the outdoors. Just this before the end of 2023 with the help of my son’s in laws we have now bought the freehold on a property that we will convert for the use of the community. This was led by my hearts wish and I had dismissed several properties using my head ie wrong location/size/too expensive. Then I bumped into the owner of the property that I had always felt would be ideal and funnily enough he also thought that his resturant-bar  would make a great nursery school so within a month it was ours.

So it is definitely possible to live in harmony,  understanding how you want to live your life & what are you core values also learning how to accept your emotions and how to harness their power and not suppress them in a negative way. I can get a bit gungho with my thoughts & ideas & I have to remind myself to stay open to others thoughts and that they may have a better ideas & a different way of doing something good.

Wishing you all the best on your retirement journey

Roberta

Dear Natalia

When we give a gift we should relinquish ownership of it and allow the recipient to do with it what they will. You have offered and made a room for your father, it is his choice when &  or whether he picks up this gift.

Something done resentfully is not a gift.  It is a burden to both parties.  One of the techniques I learnt from Sravasti Abbey this week is to go and sit somewhere public like a cafe or train station and look at each person who comes in/ passes by and mentally wish that “may  they be happy”.  This helps us with connection & helps open the heart.

I had to work hard on my inner life to enable me to look after my mother when she had cancer, buddhist teachings nourish & help me each & every day as I look after my father. It is harder to look after some one with whom we have not had a good relationship for what ever reason. I hope there is a support group near you for such as ACoA Adult Children of Alcholics.

Instead of worrying, enjoy the luxury of the  freedom that you have in this moment.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Nate

In your new city are there people who hold the same beliefs as you?  When ever I travel away from my home I check out the area I am going to find out whether there are any meditation classes even if they are not Buddhist or if there are any Quaker meetings, that way I stand a chance of spending time with people that I already have some common ground with and therefore my language and demeanor are not alienating . I have probably met a hundred or more people that way in the last 15 years out of which I have found about half a dozen who I would classify as friends ans spiritual companions.

Dear Julia

Congratulations on all the work you have done to heal over the last four years.

Volunteering will help counteract the feelings of loneliness and disconnection. There are many opportunities this time of year to help others, check out organisations that you admire or feel comfortable with to see what they have to offer and you may then get a chance to develop a friendship with like minded people.

Roberta

Dear Maria

As I understand it there are very few buddhist in Pakistan so you would not be able to receive teachings in person.

I enjoy the teachings from Thubten Chodren  and the other monastics at Srvasti Abbey, they have extensive teachings on you tube.

I hope that you find a job that you enjoy and that it pays well enough to meet your needs.

Roberta