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Hi Inky! Thanks for replying and the update. Have seen Jasmine and the others here on the forum? There is no way to send messages, I don’t think.
Hello Jasmine-3, Matt, Inky, and BenzRabbit, and everyone else who supported me way back in May 2014 when our German sherpherd dog Rook passed away. For some reason, I wanted to find and reread your replies and our conversations about my difficulty with meditation and mourning, and miraculously found it by doing a google search. I am thankful for Tiny Buddha for keeping such old posts.
So, after rereading your replies to help me, I am in awe at your compassion to help others, including me. I am grateful for your support during that difficult time. If any of you are still here on the forum and see this, it would be great to hear from you and say hi!
So much has happened since then (ups and downs), but currently getting better at practicing stillness and letting thoughts go when they are not needed without being mad at myself. I’ve learned a lot about this from my tai chi instructor and Taoism, from books and videos of Thich Nhat Hanh and the Plum Village practice, and Eckhart Tolle. We still have Shasta, and another shepherd named Brush.
So, thank you Jasmine-3, Matt, Inky, and BenzRabbit, again. Please reply and let me know how you are. Anyone else interested may also reply.
Hi Kelly! When I have gone through tough times, I look at old posts on the forum that have supported me, and choose some of those ideas to deal with my own difficulties. Look at my previous posts, and the other ones here, and see if that gets you on the right track. I also want to mention that many people have found that exercise, lots of exercise, can boost your energy and overall well-being. My tai chi instructor has said that when we are feeling depressed, or mourning, it’s important to keep the body moving and flowing, and walk, walk, walk. Make a point to do it today, and regularly if you can.
Sorry about this traumatic breakup. It’s sad, you know, so many years, but you deserve better. He treated you badly, and you are not to blame. My good friend had a recent sudden traumatic breakup (right after a trip to Hawaii!), was made to feel the blame, etc., and was in total shock and disbelief as well – truly a tough time. Like you, she devoted a lot of herself to help this guy get on his feet, and then he got too confident and left abruptly.
What helps her a lot is exercise and keeping her body moving, which signifies the self moving forward. Tai chi, yoga, breathing exercises, walking, and working out.
This doesn’t mean you will ignore the sadness, but perhaps help you see things in the right perspective, and you will realize there is nothing wrong with you, it wasn’t your fault, and you don’t need him to be happy.
I told my friend to make sure she hung around stable people, and take a break and listen to super happy music. The sadness and yearning will come and go like waves of grieving, but tell yourself these feelings are only temporary, and you really will be just fine. By the way, good luck in grad school. That will be a great accomplishment for you.
As for the Facebook thing, do not be tempted to keep track of what he is posting. Perhaps the best thing would be do to “unfriend” him, and stop taking a peek at his stuff, you know, because that will lead to more blame. He has the nerve to let you see his personal stuff on Facebook anyway! He may find that this girl is just a “fling”, but too bad if that happens. Finding your own path to enlightenment does not have to include him!
Be good to yourself!
Okay. I hope Kelly is doing okay.
What do you mean, “Who”? Is Kelly okay?
Kelly, I am sorry for your suffering. I hope you are getting the help you need, physically, and emotionally. Sometimes the best thing to do is to give yourself a break and just be still, stop your thoughts, and just focus on easy breathing, maybe find a pleasant place to be (like a beautiful park), and just be. It takes determination and practice, but don’t try too hard. Whenever you notice too much going on in your head, create a gap by doing this. I bet with practice you will discover a smile you always had in you!
Hey, everyone! I didn’t realize it’s been so long that I posted here, and since my original post about mourning over our German sherpherd dog Rook and collie girl Cirrus. The dog we adopted last year, Shasta, has really transformed into a more stable dog (but still lots of energy and prey drive when the opportunity arises), which makes our walks more pleasant. More recently, I have made a point to stop her, make her sit and wait next to me, while I focus on the present moment and enjoy the sky, the clouds, the trees, the sparkle and waves in the lake, the sound of the wind, the birds, the splashing, etc. It is still “not the same”, but at least I am allowing myself to take a break and become still, and pay attention to what’s happening now.
…And you may not believe this, and I didn’t at first, but my husband got another German sherpherd puppy, Cedar. He and Shasta keep us busy because they are similar energy, and Cedar is still growing and learning. The two of them are so unlike Cirrus and Rook were in so many ways, but they are their own special pair, endlessly playing, and really getting along well, like best friends forever! Chasing, wrestling, running like thunder through the house. It’s fun and interesting watching how they interact and communicate using their instincts. It helps me get back into the moment when I am hit by a wave of mourning now and then.
There have been times when we have sensed Rook’s spiritual presence, some by the way Shasta has acted. There was nothing that could explain what happened or why she was acting a certain way, and so I infer that she sensed an energy that we could not. Each time, I calmed myself down and welcomed the moment, not being afraid. I told my husband, maybe it’s Rook, and instead of saying it’s ridiculous or getting scared, he said, “Good, Rook, good.” It could even be Cirrus’ spiritual essence, but definitely something unusual and special. Someday we will all be together.
Thanks! I didn’t know you have dogs, Jasmine. What kind?
Thanks, Jasmine! Thank you for showing you care, and for being so upbeat and positive. Sometimes when I am mourning, I reread some of the comments I’ve gotten, and it really helps.
She is a 5-yr old Border Collie mix renamed Shasta (after Mt. Shasta in California). No, she is not a “meditation” type dog, not now anyway, because she’s got too much energy, somewhat ADHD! When I was practicing tai chi last night (finally!), all she did was sit up and watch me instead of falling asleep like Cirrus and Rook did. Maybe she’ll relax next time…She’s too busy being alert and watching and listening to what’s around her.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by eaglestare.
Here’s an update about where I am in the grieving process…I did make a difficult decision to adopt a dog from the Humane Society where I’ve been volunteering at since our German sherpherd dog Rook died. It was hard because we are still mourning, and it is still very painful sometimes, and moreso for my husband. Even so, it seemed unbearable without the presence of a dog, I had an opportunity to rescue a dog I had particular interest in, and I wanted to use the skills I had acquired over the years as pack leader to our two dogs Rook and Cirrus (collie) to help another.
Rook is almost always on my mind and in my heart as we go for walks, especially because where we go, like in certain spots at the park, I remember being there sharing special moments with him. I sometimes whisper to him, and Cirrus, explaining to them we are not replacing them with this new dog, to please show her how to be, and welcome her to the pack. I ask them to let us feel the presence of their spiritual essences all around us and in us, and comfort us when we feel the pain of missing them. Even if they cannot hear me, it does help me somehow.
The good news is that recently I made myself finally walk alone in a special forested park by the water that I used to walk Rook and shared special moments together, carrying a coat he used to wear that still had some of his hair on it. I let myself feel what I felt, let the tears flow when they did, and talked to him when I wanted to say something to him. I stopped at a special beautiful spot and once the pain subsided and tears stopped, I let myself take in the surroundings with my senses, and once again I could feel the warmth of the sun, the summer breeze, hear the rustling of the leaves from the canopy of trees, see the light of sunset on the trees, and hear the gentle waves crashing below. And just as this has happened before while being out with Rook, everything around me appeared bigger and clearer, and I could really feel the moment.
I know that I can meditate without his form being next to me. I now know it is possible. It does not stop me from missing him, but I was glad that I found it in myself again. Perhaps his presence will always be in me. I tell him, you are peace and joy.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by eaglestare.
I agree that perhaps you were simply closer to your grandfather. Then again, it is still early. Let things flow, and be the observer, and don’t wonder too much. I have experienced something similar recently, and for me it’s because I wasn’t close to one, but the other one lived with us everyday for over 11 years. That’s just how it is.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by eaglestare.