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HealingWordsParticipantThe dream journaling even if you cannot remember helps with forming a habit of journaling and tracking your thoughts immediately after waking. Some people do not remember their dreams at all and starting somewhere helps.
I started lucid dreaming without knowing what it was after journaling dreams for two years. After I experienced it once, I researched in depth how to induce it and after a few months of on and off practice I was having them weekly sometimes daily. I am no expert and cannot control my dream but can do simple things like fly. I have since not been experiencing lately because I haven’t been purposely inducing them though occasionally I have them spontaneously about once a month.
HealingWordsParticipantRegi,
Dream journaling is the first step. Right down your dreams right away in the morning, Even if you don’t remember anything, write “cannot remember dream.”
A trick that helps is waking up in the early morning (a few hours before you would normally wake up). Go back to sleep but try not to drift into unconscious sleep, repeat the pphrase “this is a dream” as images start to appear.
Try doing reality checks during the day. I like looking at my hands, concentrating on the details and saying “this is a dream” several times a day until its a habit and then you do that in your dream.
Good Luck and hopes this helps!
HealingWordsParticipantMinnivei,
I want to let you know that your not alone in your experience. I am also a 22 year old female with no dating experience. Before this year, I had fallen in love only once and maybe had a few crushes. I understand how it feels to have so little interest in men because the feeling isnt there, and that makes dating them undesirable, but then feel so inexperienced that it’s a question to date someone you have little interest in just to gain experience. I also know the feeling of having intense love for someone that will never return it. I really cant give you answers or advice to fall in love or if dating people helps because I am in the same boat as you. I do think that there is no one way to love, prehaps you dont have feelings for men because you haven’t met the right people and you know it. I didnt’t start developing feelings for many men until this year when I found my right crowd in situations where I deeply could understand the people I was with. It is up to you if you want to date someone you intially don’t feel attracted to, maybe you will learn to love someone as you know them better. But don’t feel like you have to. I try to build more friendships with men and when the right one comes along, I trust that I will know.
Best,
Laure
HealingWordsParticipantDear Anita,
Well yeah, it is true that they have never been 100% supportive toward everything I do and I straight up tell them that they were never the type of parents to have us try to reach the highest goals we want. Instead they try to knock us down to reality. I can see they being bad or good. For example my brother who is 25 is working to try to be in the olympics for martial arts, he is aiming and taking steps to the highest point he can go, even if it isn’t reasonable. My parents support him going to tournaments, but she constantly says “He will never make it as an olympian, he shouldn’t even try.” type thing. It might be true, but as a mother I think she shouldn’t be saying that, I think she should be saying to him “I believe you will be an Olympian” regardless if she thinks its true. She isn’t always negative, she wants him to open a martial arts studio and offered to pay to start it up.
As for her comparing me to the lowest point someone could be, although it is true it is partly because a couple of people in my high school have died from overdose or have gone to jail and my parents are hearing this and are just happy that they don’t have a problem regarding that. I think they are proud that all her kids have their act together, especially in comparison to many kids my age. However I understand that they shouldn’t be comparing us to them, and treating us like we could have been better, or their perfect ideal child.
Regarding my father, yeah I am not going to lie that he has not been the best father. That type of instance happened once, maybe twice, but he never has hinted at that and I am confident to say he has no image of that toward me at all now. It was very damaging to me at the time because unlike most people at that age (14 years old), I was immature with regards to guys, I had the most innocent mind and no desire to date, but mostly because I hadn’t met anyone I liked. I imagine that could have made me repress feelings for guys. I remember that when I was in high school, I talked to people online who had my similar beliefs and interests, for months everyday. I had 3 instances where it was a guy that eventually hinted at romantic interest, and it was always a complicated situation where they lived in a different country and wanted to meet me. I would stop talking to them partly because at the time it was a big thing to avoid stranger danger with people online and also because I didn’t know how to react to romantic interest toward me. It still feels like the case that I have not met the right person for me, there were maybe two instances that I was convinced that I did but now I think it is the lack of the best person for me. And it is not that my parents did not support me dating people, my mom would always say “So-so is a nice guy, you should date him” (dad is always neutral on everything but would agree). And with that it comes back to the is it just because I cannot connect well to people that I will never be able to start a relationship with the best person for me, or if I am being too picky and if I am capable to learn better connections with others that I can compromise?
So no, my parents have never been consistent with support, but is that the connection to why I have difficulty with my relationships with others? Is it because of my relationship with my parents that I believe I cannot fully have a constant connection with people and that I believe they will not stick with me when they have the hard times in life? Is there a solution?
HealingWordsParticipantVJ
Thank you for your insight, I want to work more with meditations and I will look into the heart chakra and Carol Tuttle’s resources. I know that my heart is not open a majority of the time.
Thanks,
Laure
HealingWordsParticipantHi Anita,
Bullying in school started when I was very young, and my parents, especially my mom was very supportive and upset that it was happening to me. However she felt she was very helpless in the situations as when she talked to the teachers and counselors were not helpful and I suffered many years until I switched to the public school. She tried to be active in my school and volunteered some days to teach kids in my class and girl scouts. She did try to build my confidence through martial arts and sports, and sometimes it worked. Honestly I don’t remember what my dad did. He probably got pissed, would try to comfort me but left it to my mom for the most part.
When I was older and I got made fun of, I didn’t really talk about it in detail to them because it was really upsetting and brought up past experiences that I wanted to forget and it only lasted for a year. But around freshman year my relationship with my parents started to degrade. It was around the same time I became friends with those two people, and there was an incident where my father was drunk and he said I was a slut, which was damaging to me since I dressed like a boy and conservative, I never have been on a date or had a relationship with a guy. I never told them anything about my friends because they became so judging of my life at that point there were so many thing that they would not have agreed with. One of my friends was spiritual in a new age type was with spirit guides and was gay. She was my only friend for awhile so naturally I wanted to protect our friendship and felt that my parents would threaten it if they knew everything.
When I lost those friends I think my relationship with my parents improved after awhile. I decided to open up to my parents and they werent happy at first but have gained a better understanding and kind of gotten over a lot of my weirdness. I still made friends but I just wasn’t close to them. When I would completely stop making friends or talking to people in general my mom and dad got extremely upset with me and would try to push me to meet new people, especially in college when I literally went a semester not saying a word to anyone besides the teacher. It was partly because of of my mom I started hanging out with my local outdoor pursuits, and she made me sign up for a course in my interests where I met the guy I mentioned that shared the same interests as I did and wanted to open up too.
So, I guess the point of my relationship with my parents is that there are times when our relationship sucks and some where they are the only ones who understand me. They do appreciate that I am an independent person and are happy they got me and not some druggy kid, but they are not always supportive on who I am and what I want to do with my life.
HealingWordsParticipantHi Anita,
I am not entirely sure what happened as I was a child with my relationship with my parents, I was my parents only girl so they tended to favor me more, but was also the middle child and may not have always had all the attention, or I got too much and just wanted more time alone. My dad tended to be absent in stages of my life due to work but I would still see him at night. I was described as a happy baby and child, rarely cried always smiled and I guess that was true until I was about 5, and I think that was when my relationship with people changed when I started school and peers my age tended to bully me from then on. I cannot remember a year I didn’t have problems with kids in my class. I think I have always been a bit reserved, I tended to have one or two friends at a time but I had the same friends throughout elementary school. Then when I got into middle school I struggled a bit more in hanging out with the same people until by the time I reached high school my friend expiration date was about 9 months. Well, it was more of a rotational thing, that I would go back to friends from 2 or so years ago.
I think the seal of the deal may have been when I was in high school, I was forming a really strong bond with two people. At the time, the three of us were all going through depression stages (teenage year, ya know) and the two of them would always be talking about how hard their life was and I kept all my difficulties to myself because I didn’t want to be their burden. I would try so hard to be something that they could be happy about and they didn’t see it that way, they only wanted to be sad. Well around the same time one of my friends started doing drugs (and lied to me that she wasn’t), I opened up to my other friend about who I was and tried to move onto more deeper conversations. Two weeks later he straight up refused to talk to me and started to ignore me. Worst was the fact that I knew he was suicidal, he said that when he would graduate and after all his friends would finally leave him he would kill himself. He purposely tried to push me away so he had that excuse. And I had to live with the fear that if I didn’t do something that I would have been that person that let him die. I always had that battle on sending his parents or a teacher a letter explaining his situation or keeping his secrets. But when time passed and I called his bluff, I knew he caused me enough pain I let him go. He is fine now, I think, its been 6 years or so since then,
But I think he is the reason I cannot trust people. Even though I may have always had something that made it difficult to connect to people, he reinforced that with fear. I don’t want to be put through that pain again, I don’t want to trust someone enough to open up and then feel rejected.And then 2 years ago, I thought I found someone else I could open up to, and I feel that even though I wanted to be ready to be a good friend and finally start meaningful relationships, I couldn’t do it. I was most likely rejected because of it.
I don’t know Anita, that is just my thoughts on my poor connections, I have always been a bit bad with connecting with people for what ever reason and my experience as a teen sure didn’t help. I am not entirely sure the roots of it but I can tell you where the trunk is.
What are your thoughts?
Laure
HealingWordsParticipantAlright, so it might be that there is a negative atmosphere tied to the house, regardless of whether or not you consciously think about it. That in itself is a very tragic thing and it may be tied to your lose. Have you felt that you have healed from that experience?
Now that could mean that you need to shift that atmosphere to a positive one, remembering the good time you shared with your brother or the happy times that had in general. I know that someone passing away so tragically can be hard to move away from, and you do need to let yourself heal no matter how long that will take. You also need to understand that you are still alive and your brother would want you to live the life you wanted and if that means move on, then you should move on.Now if you truly feel that you want to travel, not to escape from you past or the town or anything, your past may be keeping you there because you do not have closure, or you could have just lost confidence to travel alone because it is a scary thing to go places alone not knowing anyone. With that, you need to heal and be patient with yourself. You may need to wait until you build back yourself or you may just need to take that risky jump and see what happens. Like I said, you need to determine your own priorities and work toward everyday, listen to what you think is the best choice to do that.
HealingWordsParticipantDear Morgan,
From what I have read, you have made mistakes in your past, but this man you think you love, is manipulating you and being a complete devil. You need to leave this life, for good. Cut all contact, lose his number, move far far away no matter what it takes. This isn’t healthy it will never get any better. I think you are tolerating his abuse far too much, and it may be because you think you deserve it, and you don’t. You do not deserve this life, he has no excuse or right to be messing with you. As Anita said, you are good writer, why don’t you change your life so you have a different story to write, one where you heal, have positive adventures and fall in love with a true sane man who will treat you well and right.
HealingWordsParticipantHello, I do understand the feeling of being stuck, I still live with my parents in the suburbs and it has driven me insane wanting to move out into the country to be around more wildlife rather than people, but having to be realistic about it.
I think it would be helpful to understand what you feel stuck about, is it just that you don’t enjoy living where you are? Why do you not want to live in the house, what about it makes you uncomfortable? Do you not enjoy the town you live in, or have a sense of community? Have you tried saving money or finding jobs that you feel like you would enjoy in an area that you like living in? Or do you want to learn to consider where you live now a home?
I can understand that even though you do not like the house you live in now, you have created a safe place with the tamed animals, leaving them would be like leaving your friends behind. Thats hard, but I think you need to decide what is more important in your life, what are your priorities and it may come down that you just want to be in an entirely different location, and you can always make new friends, whether human or not. Or maybe you want to stay and learn how to make that house and town your home.
HealingWordsParticipantWell, here is my go at advice, it may or may not be what you are looking for!
Having trouble sleeping: I suggest trying to find herbal remedies, and starting good sleeping habitats. Try taking Meletoin 1-3mg every night before bed, go to bed at the same time, drink some tea (Chamomile, valerian, passionflower) it might take trial and error because a lot of aspects can affect sleep, it takes time. You might want to consider seeking medical help if it becomes severe. I went to a neurologist and he actually found I had a deficiency of Gaba at night
College at 26 should be done: We all have our own rate of doing things, education is something that nobody is too old or young to still be working on, if it gets you to the next stepping stone one day just enjoy learning at your own pace.
Virgin: Sex isn’t everything and I don’t think it will make you any happier as much as give you an distraction
No girlfriend: I know how it feels to not have a significant other but you just have to learn to enjoy your own company, work on yourself to be the best You that you can be, be happy on your own and then one day you may meet someone to share that happiness with.
Shy: Its normal, just have to try and push yourself out of your comfort zone, but if you cannot change that about yourself, don’t worry about it. Everyone is shy at some extent, people just learn to hide it.
Think to much: Guessing this is why you can’t sleep, racing mind at night. This isn’t bad, but some times can make things difficult when you want to slow down. Once again, try some herbs that help slow down your nervous system and neurotransmitters. Also try meditation to silence your mind.
Hate job: Your option is to learn to love what you do not matter what, and find meaning in it or find a new job.
Happiness where for me?: I struggle with finding happiness myself but I think it is a mixture of reaching for that change in your life that has meaning and learning that happiness is on the inside, it is a mindset that you can develop regardless of where you are and what you are doing.
HealingWordsParticipantIndigobb,
I do not know whether she will come back, but in my experience I do know that life has a funny way of bringing people back into your life, in unexpected ways. However, you do have a bit of control over your own life, you can chose to be open and provide her opportunities to be involved in your life. Maybe she will return, maybe she will not, in that case it will be her choice. There is a quote “that was the first thing I had to learn about her, and maybe the hardest I’ve ever learned about anything–that
she is her own, and what she gives me is of her choosing, and the more precious because of it. Sometimes a
butterfly will come to sit in your open palm, but if you close your hand, one way or the other, it–and its choice to
be there–are gone.”
This may be hard to swallow that if she chooses not to return, but you shouldn’t regret anything, its not in your control.I think you may have let her go from your life, you are still emotionally attached to the idea of being with her in the future. You can still love her and let go of the attachment of what you could have with her. While you “wait for her”, live like you are not waiting, walk down your own path, follow your dreams, learn to be happy. If she does join you later in life, you will have a better life to share with her.
I am going through something similar, so I hope this is helpful for you.
I wish you luck!
Laure
HealingWordsParticipantAnita,
Maybe you are right, he could have responded to a letter, but I doubt it. I just cannot see him actually wanting anything to do with me, I have always been really confused with him because he seemed like he enjoyed talking to me around school related situations but never wanted to hang out outside of it, and because of it I had a tendency to feel bad every time I talked to him because I couldn’t tell if I was bothering him. I think I can take enough of his hints that if he wanted to stay in touch he would put some effort into it, so I am done wasting my time.
Laure
HealingWordsParticipantAnita,
I think you are right, that unless I decide to actually get to know her, I really shouldn’t get involved. I really am not in a position to get to know her, and if I tell her the truth there really isn’t any foundation for her to believe me.
Inky,
Naw, will not and cannot confront the guy. I am terrified of him and don’t want to interact with him directly in anyway. Even though we are now in separate states, he would be the type to harass me online. I really hope he gets some sense knocked into him, but I am not likely the one to knock it into him.
Thanks All!
LaureHealingWordsParticipantAnita,
I ended up not writing him a letter, rather I decided to text him on his birthday. He never replied ( and its almost one month later), so I just assume he doesn’t care and I am moving on like I should have long ago. Thank you for your suggestion, but I am really glad I didn’t take the time to write him anything special, because I would have been more hurt if I did.
Laure
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