Greetings Midge ~~~
Standing before my ‘Toastmasters’ Club’ after being given given a topic to speak on for at least two minutes and my mind and thoughts go completely blank. Not being able to recall someone’s name when I have not seen them in awhile and I look dumbfounded or lost. Being awakened in the wee hours of the morning to a noise outside of the window, go scurrying to the hallway light switch and its comforting glow. Up goes the switch and the bulb goes ‘pop’ and I am standing there in the dark. A brief telephone call that demands my immediate attention or alarm without giving me any details. Without any prior notice, I receive an email that tells me my job function is being sent overseas and my position with the company will end in three days. Seeing a member of my friend burst into tears, lose all their reasons for living and I cannot help them or give them comfort.
I do agree that ‘fear’ itself is a motivator and it can be conquered. It is the things in life I cannot predict or prepare for that scares me. When someone is dire need or in an abusive relationship and they reject my help or concern and I am forced to walk away. Rejection of any kind at one time in my life scared me beyond my wildest dreams. I had to learn a tough lesson, people who want what you have will throw up a wall of rejection. So when I feel a touch of rejection enter my life, I stand firm shake the feeling off of me as if it were raindrops and know that I must being something right. I do not need their approval when I want to acheive another level of success.

Ruby ~~~

Being held captive to my own personal struggles and disconnections with others, happiness was never actually within my own grasp or so I made myself believe. Happiness would remain as an island off a distant shore, in literature, theatre productions, story books but never anyone I knew personally or who would stop by my house to visit. Breaking away from the shackles of a broken home with no real reason to stay any longer or energy to try and repair it; I packed up and left overnight. Over a period of time I began an overhaul of the ‘baggage’ I was carrying on my shoulders and in my heart, I was so pressed down inside and for my own sanity I thought that perhaps there was no hope; it was just the way things would be and I just had to get over it by suffering quietly. The pain and depressive cloud that became my closest companion just about crushed me. It was then that I went in search of my own personal happiness. Sleep was elusive because of my restless spirit.

Now that I think about it, I must have taken the long way to get there and I got lost several times taking a wrong turn here and there but without a road map to the island of Happiness I had to find it on my own. But I took on the mindset of a blood-hound dog and I knew I would not rest until I got there, smelling its whereabouts without actually seeing it.

The room of my heart was so small, it made a studio apartment in London look massive and it was packed full of ‘stuff’ that I continued to hold onto simply because I always had and the idea of removing it completely from my life I never even considered as an option. It was after I took at the empty walls that surrounded me that reality became a brillant color of wall paint. With all of this ‘stuff’ out of my life for good, I was in need of filling up the void or empty space in my heart and life. That is when I took a lofty ride on the hot air balloon of HAPPINESS. I wanted so much for this wonderful ride to continue and I learned the secret of sharing and inviting other people into my life, taking a backseat ride for awhile. It is so good. My studio apartment heart began to grow and expand beyond the wall restrictions.

Have recently found the hidden treasure of forgiveness which began with ME and all of the errors that kept me tied down. From there I spring boarding into forgiving my parents and everyone who was special to me. From here I did a ground breaking revolution, penetrating the hard surface of inner self and I discovered the spring of joy that was inside of me all along.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 4 months ago by Bob.

How poignant, relevant and fresh; this unfortunate ‘subject’ has risen its head again in my own life. I tried will all of energy to defuse it before it grew into something and I expressed my concerns in a private nature but still it grew into a monster. I held my ground and I would not accept this behavior because the majority saw no real reason to get upset. In the aftermath of its roar, I was truly troubled because nothing really changed. My convictions reain intact and I do not accept any hate, feed the monster or offer it shelter in my life and I cannot justify it no matter what the target may happen to be.

1) I truly believe that hate is something we learn, it did not come to us as newborns.

2) It is much easier to accept this type of behavior for our own than it is to question why we do it anyway.

3) So many people try to hide beneath of a historical ‘blanket’ to give their very own actions a reason to continue.

4) For me the idea of hate needs to be treated like a carcinoma, know its dangers and remove all of it.

5) Once your heart is void of hate, you have to redirect what influences your life or it will overtake you all over again.

6) Hate and Love cannot live within the same heart for very long periods of time, negative forces will eventually pulling you down

7) Love is a much better choice, at least it is for me and my life.

8) We communicate not only verbally but with our body language so I try to avoid making a gestures that could be hurtful.

I honor and respect your opinions and insight, so give me some directions to improve, because I struggle with the negative forces each and every day.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 4 months ago by Bob.

Reaching my goal to become an Eagle scout was not easy, in fact as a Life scout I almost gave up on my goal all together and would have if it had not been for my fellow scout troop members who looked up to me. Over a four day Jamboree with four hundred other troops and a multitude of team building exercises, my life saving skills were put to the test when a young man lost his footing and fell headfirst into a rushing river. What seemed like an easy rescue became a war that could have turned into a horror story. It would take a human chain of over fifty people to pull both of us to safety. Our victim had a nasty head wound but overall was in good shape.
Questioning my own self worth became a ritual for me as well and not following a set of directions has become a norm for me. I like to figure things out on my own and with that liberty I very often have to start all over again before I get it right. In your own experience, Matt you discovered that it takes more than one person to acheive a goal and that is usually true, so learn to embrace that and it will serve you well.
YOU are still a young man and you will learn much more in the years that follow and difficult days will come as well as triumphs. Continue to be curious as your taste for discovery blooms.
During my years of physical excertion, I found my every waking moment thinking of racquet sports especially hard court racquetball competitions. Because of how close my job was to the downtown YMCA, it was not uncommon for me to play six to eight hours a day. My obsession made relationships almost non-existant so with the help of others I was able to regain myself as a person. Little did I realize but my obsession with racquetball trophies became a wall between my own true emotions and the outside world. So I have learned a sense of balance and I am a better person by doing so.
Recognizing your own weakness is actually a strength and so is asking for help from others. Never ever forget that your connection to God is very important.
Be well and always walk in peace.

In my own opinion and unfortunate experience, rejection is extremely painful. When your partner leaves you for another, which only lasts for a period of time and then they want to return to you. She would cry alligator tears and my desire for her would be stronger than good sense would allow for and once again I would take her back. These boomerang relationships take your emotions on a rollercoaster ride and it will kill your self worth over a long season. Almost like a wound that will not heal completely, she would rip my heart apart each and every time I took her back.

Physical and verbal abuse if given any reason to repeat itself can destroy you as a person. So many times I tried to rationalize why this was happening, was it my fault or did I truly deserve this treatment by her. I was allowing her to control me by my own actions, I was an enabler for my own pain and discontent. This fatal but intoxicating relationship kept me blind to what was truly going on inside of me. I was such a fool when it came to her.

Until I gain my own self worth all over again, took a firm position and got rid of her all together, my life was a whirlpool of misery. It was truly hard to make this decision, climb over the wall of totally lust between us both and not allow her to enter back into my life.

Be wise and look beyond the moment at hand.

As a young boy with no real role-model to follow or talk with, I developed the ‘butterfly’ concept. The butterfly concept means that I must exercise and recognize freedom and change in all relationships, especially with the ladies. I watched guys as they tried to capture their lady friends in a glass jar environment, use them as trophies or basically ‘mount’ them at their own discretion. Of course these relationships would eventually collapse.

The freedom I chose to recognize became most benefical when conditions or distance would happen without notice. I also had to allow the butterflies to fly away and never return if they chose to do so. On a rare occasion some of the butterflies would return for a quick visit and off again they would fly away.

Rejection was extremely hard for me to swallow, so during one of low periods when I could barely hold my head in an upright position. It was then that a bright majestic butterfly appeared on my window sill, not wanting to lose it I refrained from reaching out towards it. Its beauty was quite remarkable as it opened up her wings did a half turn and as suddenly as it appeared. I would watch her fly away.

This was a lesson that I had to learn, it was not in a book and most likely Dr. Phil had no reflection upon something this practical or simple.

As in most decisions you must decide what is best for you, but I recommend going a step beyond that by thinking of her emotions as well.

Being able to understand or hold onto the truth about everlasting or eternal life has always been elusive but I do wonder about it sometimes. Now I know that metamorphosis is a law of nature and I have seen this process with my own two eyes. Past life experiences have been areas where a medium would trace my life backwards but once again I do not know if there is any truth to it or not.

According to my understand of the Bible and its teaching, everlasting life is a gift that is bestowed upon us.

If I got to choose everlasting life, a life totally free of any pain, suffering and enough money to live with some comforts, I would most likely choose to do so. But to go on living my life under the shadow of pain, struggle and being lonely, to me that would not be a life to continue in.

If indeed we do go from ‘one-body’ of flesh as we know it and return as another being; will we have a consciousness that will allow us to have memories of where we have been before?