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HelcatParticipantHi John
Good question! I think anyone could share anything that they find inspirational, it doesn’t have to be from here. 😊
So please feel free to share whatever you like.
Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Jana
Thank you for your kind message! 🙏
My husband lied about his addiction to pornography. He told all of his friends and family about his difficulties with it while I was pregnant. But he didn’t tell me. He actively lied to me about it. I feel left out.
The sad thing is that I have always been supportive and told him that I don’t mind if he does watch porn. A lot of men do it. I don’t like being lied to. I was lied to a lot growing up and it hurts me. I don’t really understand why he lied to me.
The teacher is not Buddhist. He is a Daoist healer. My husband is studying with him. He wants to learn to do what he does. It isn’t so much conversational teaching. There is a set of practices to do. I have been thinking of getting back into the meditation aspect of it though. It has been hard with a baby because the practices are time consuming.
Things are better today at least.
Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi John
Wow, studying with monks sounds like it was such an incredible experience!
It takes me a while to reply to your messages because there is always so much to consider. It is a beautiful memory and thank you for sharing it!
I will write more soon I promise. 😊
Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Mahvash
I’m sorry to hear about your severe depression and the difficulties with your husband.
It is a horrible feeling to feel like your husband doesn’t love you, and to be insulted and disrespected. I’m sorry that you are going through this. I’m guessing that the situation is not easily changed? Perhaps this has been happening for a long time?
You do deserve happiness. You do deserve love. None of this is your fault. Your husband is the one who is broken.
Love and best wishes!❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Jana
I hope you don’t mind me writing? If you would prefer that I don’t please let me know. I’m sorry to hear that you are having a low moment.
You have a great level of self awareness and boundless compassion for others. You deserve that boundless compassion as much as anyone else, if not more so (because I think that you are a very special person). I think that your sensitivity makes you a special person, not a stupid one. We all suffer in different ways, it is a part of being human. Your suffering is valid and there is science behind it.
I love the insightful quotes that you shared! You’ve given me a lot to think about myself. Thank you for sharing. 😊
Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantMore arguing. I called his mother to talk to him when he started upsetting the baby and walked away. She couldn’t stop him either.
I’m not having anything to do with him until he decides to start caring about his family again. I’ve been patient with his breakdown for the past year. I’m tired of all of this. I wish he would pull himself together. I just want my husband back.
I don’t know if he can change though. I really don’t know.
HelcatParticipantThere was an argument today. My husband lied to me and his mother encouraged him to do so. He wasn’t receptive to that is a problem for me. He believes that his mother has the right to say whatever she wants.
He yelled at me and made our son cry. Then when I was comforting him he yelled in his face and took him away from me when I was telling him to leave him alone. Of course, my son wouldn’t stop crying and I begged him to give him back to me, when he realized he wasn’t calming down he did.
I know that he wanted to help calm him down but he made it worse. I don’t like this.
HelcatParticipantLife just hurts and it is hard for me too. It feels like there hasn’t been any room for how I feel in the relationship. I’m trying my best to be supportive and not add to the stress. It is hard being strong for everyone.
I’m glad that my husband is finally starting to see things more clearly. It has been a long wait through a lot of craziness for him to deal with his post partum depression. I know that it was hard for him that I wasn’t able to be there for him during the pregnancy (he was being the strong supportive one) and when the baby was born. I was busy dealing with my own depression and the intensive care of looking after a newborn. He felt just as alone as I did. It was hard situation all around. Feeling cut off from your best friend. Watching them struggle and act out of character. Bearing the brunt of that. I really did try my best but I did make mistakes too. I tried to handle too much myself and only asked for help when I was at breaking point. I blamed him for not helpful enough. I had faith that he would be still there when I got through it all and we would find our way back to each other.
He no longer blames me for everything. Instead he blames himself for everything now. I told him that isn’t helpful either. I hope that he comes to find a more balanced view that some things are just hard and he shouldn’t blame himself. Everyone makes mistakes. Having a baby is hard and one of the most stressful situations a relationship can go through. I think that it is nature screening out people who aren’t suitable for parenthood.
November 14, 2024 at 5:16 pm in reply to: I am having guilt-related familial issues with a guy I’m about to date #439403HelcatParticipantHi Lulu
I have faith that you can figure out the right thing for you to do. You are a good person who is just trying her best.
I understand, these things happen and you are very loyal and just trying to do right by everyone.
It is hard because systemic racism is widespread. It is difficult to trust a new person that they don’t know.
It may be a difficult conversation with your family, but know that it isn’t your fault and are doing the right thing. Sometimes grief hits people in strange ways and it gets expressed in anger at something else. I know that they are also just trying to protect you from the bullying situation regarding the therapist too. It must be very worrying for them.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Jana
I’m glad that you feel safe here in this community. You are a very insightful compassionate person, it’s always lovely to read your comments.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi John
That is really fascinating to learn that you trained with Theravadin monks. Do you have any stories that you could share with us from that time? It is okay if you would prefer not to.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts regardless!
Recently, I learned that aside from the main physical survival needs difficulties are rather unimportant. I used to be bothered by a lot of different things when really there is not much point in worrying about unnecessary things.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing that. It is just as a new parent I’m finding that I have to take care of my son regardless of any difficulties I experience. This realization has been helping me to cope with stress.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 13, 2024 at 9:27 pm in reply to: How do I best support my partner and reveal my wealth to her? #439385HelcatParticipantHi Jim
I’m glad to hear that your relationship has improved some. But I’m sorry to hear that your partner has discontinued with therapy.
I’m glad that you are being a good example for her and continuing with your own therapy.
It seems to me that your concern is for your partner’s mental health. I agree that sharing about the money isn’t helpful as it might hinder her already stalled recovery.
You are right in that these things do take years. I have C-PTSD from childhood and it took me years of therapy to recover from.
I didn’t really see pain as a motivation for recovery. I think it actually keeps you in that deep dark hole personally. Kindness is a motivation for recovery. And hoping that recovery is possible in the first place, trusting that there is someone out there who can help you is paramount.
If you think of pain as a protective mechanism that is more accurate in my opinion. Change is unknown and scary. The pain she currently knows is “safe” and avoidance provides a level of comfort and protection from things that she is afraid of. Yet, the more she avoids them the deeper that fear becomes.
She needs the help of a trauma specialist. This kind of help is specialised and very expensive. When she is ready to try again use your resources to help her. It is the job of someone who specialises in trauma to help people who heal from these things everyday. It is an art of its own. Recovery is possible, but she has to be willing to try and let someone help her.
I wish you both the best of luck!
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Arden
I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t had friends that are able to support you and the ones you do have, have been having difficulty with the fact that you are not able to help them as much as you used to anymore because you are struggling.
I have experienced things like this too. I was disappointed when my own family was not there for me when I was having a hard time.
What I learned is that people have their own different abilities. Some people like yourself are empathetic and able to support others. Others are not. Others can only do so when they feel like it.
My advice is to continue to look for truly kind people who are able to reciprocate your care. I promise that they are out there.
You are right in that it is inappropriate for someone to demand that attention from you. But they can communicate that they feel hurt, if they want to. Sometimes people just feel hurt because they wish they were closer. Perhaps they felt closer to you when they shared their problems with you and you shared more with them?
One person can only do so much and you are already supporting a lot of people. It is easy enough to explain that you are going through your own difficulties right now and don’t have the emotional bandwidth for other people’s difficulties.
You really are doing your best, so please don’t be hard on yourself about these difficulties. It is impossible to please everyone. You are doing the right thing by prioritising your focus and managing your energy, this is good self care.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantThis isn’t about guilt. This is about doing the right thing, caring about an ex-boyfriend by considering his feelings and not repeating your mistakes.
When you do the right thing you don’t have to feel guilty.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Louise
You said that you can’t afford to rent a place. You may have been able to afford the travelling and half of the rent. But can you actually afford to rent your own place while living this lifestyle? I’m basing this off your own words, not mine.
This is what I meant by using someone financially. Not many people would put up with being treat the way you treat your ex-boyfriend. Not many people would actually use someone when they weren’t genuinely invested in the relationship.
You said yourself that he was unhappy with the situation and you want to make your unhappiness, his unhappiness again.
You might have cared about him once but you have chosen to lie to him and emotionally cheat on him.
The relationship was at one point genuine, but became a mere convenience for you.
Lots of people look for flatmates, someone who only lives there half a year will be an enticing prospect. There are other ways to achieve your goal of safety instead of choosing to hurt your ex again.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 