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HelcatParticipantHi Omyk
I’m glad to hear that things are going a lot better for you now and that you have a sense of purpose. I hope that things continue on this path and keep getting better for you.
Thank you for your kind wishes!
This is a big step, it sounds like one you have thought out well and are ready for. You are a good father to keep things for when your child is older. As you know, the nature of children is not to appreciate the importance of these things when they are young.
It is good that you have already sorted through everything and already have kept the things that you are attached to.
Because the person you will hire isn’t you, it might be a good idea to provide some instructions for them as to the kinds of things that should be kept for when your child is older?
You mentioned that there are a lot of photos. Perhaps they could be removed from frames and go into a photo album?
It makes sense that you are still attached to your wife. I think that is a natural thing.
Good luck with finding someone to help you out with all of this stuff. I think that is a really good idea because truly, you are very busy.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi John
Please don’t worry about it! 😊 I’m so sorry I forgot to reply because there has been a lot going on for me.
I can understand not wanting to share something so personal and private.
I couldn’t agree with you more about your thoughts on language and politics. You are very insightful!
I’ve really enjoyed your posts and our conversations as well. ❤️
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantNot an easy day, but not a bad day. I had a dream that we got our cat back.
I didn’t want to talk about things and cause more stress.
Everyone deserves the perfect journey into parenthood, much the same way that everyone deserves the perfect childhood. It is a shame that most people don’t experience it. I guess that is life. Nothing is perfect, things can be hard.
It is hard to process these things. As an unplanned pregnancy, it took a while for my husband to adjust. I just wanted him to be happy for us. I never got to feel like that. Instead, I worried the whole time he would leave.
When my contraceptive implant failed after the birth, he freaked out badly.
I can forgive. I have forgiven him everything. But forgiving doesn’t take away all of the pain or the memories.
The silver lining of this is our beautiful son. I think the pain is more than a fair trade. Without it, he would not be. I just wish that the cost wasn’t borne of our relationship.
I hope that we can get through it and figure all of this out. We are both trying our best.
October 27, 2024 at 9:09 am in reply to: Sister is in hospice, I’m not going to live without her #438988HelcatParticipantHi Lulu
I love the beautiful memories you shared about your sister. Please feel free to continue to share as much as you want about anything you want.
You, your family and your sister have been through so much and are going through so much right now.
It is a hard way for you to find out how long your sister has left. I don’t imagine there is an easy way to find out, but there is a kinder way to find out. I’m sorry that your mom is having difficulty talking about it.
I can’t imagine how painful it must feel to have days or a week left with a sister. Is there anything that you would like to do with her, your family would like to do with her? Anything that she would like to do with you? Anything that you would like to say to her?
I can tell how much she means to you and to you all. How much you love her. I know that one thing is important. To hug her and to tell her you love her every time you see her.
I can tell how much she loves you all because of how hard she fought to stay with you all as long as she could and tried her best to be strong for you all.
I can see how hard it is for you, grieving your beautiful sister. Please communicate to your family when you need help and support with that. Your aunt sounds like a good person to confide in. You deserve support! Please do not suffer with this alone.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantA not so good day, but not a terrible day today. We talked about some difficult stuff. My husband’s family are being difficult. My husband had been lying about it, so I wouldn’t get upset.
Ironically, it upset me more going along on these false pretences. He would rather lie and me be upset with him for appearing to not take action than to be honest and say that he tried his best and that his family were rude and for me to be upset with the appropriate people.
He didn’t have to pretend. He could have just been honest.
He thinks that I’ve had difficulties with his mother since the birth. There was a situation where she called and interrupted my surgery. My husband left the operating theatre to take the call. I can understand why he did that. It is difficult for him to be in a different country and that his family were not there when his son was born. But it was also a horrible thing for me to experience. And the nurses suggested that my husband didn’t want to be there for the surgery when he left the room which upset me even more than I already was. And I was scared to give birth before I was even prepped for surgery. It took me weeks to get over the flashbacks to that day whenever his mom called.
I can understand why he fears that I never truly got over that. But there were other difficulties when we visited and introduced his family to our son. He was asking them to apologise for these difficulties when they laughed and said no. This was hurtful to me.
My husband was a little grumpy with me because I was upset about this but not overly so. This whole situation has stressed me out.
Now, I fear I was too hopeful. Perhaps my husband is right and it will take some time for us to fix things between us.
I do appreciate that he tried his best to discuss these things with his family and I appreciate that he did his best to stay calm and be understanding during our conversation.
HelcatParticipantI feel like hope is really important. I’m feeling hopeful. My cat isn’t dead like I feared she was because she is elderly. I feel like things are getting better with my husband too. I’ve even felt happy.
To be without hope is a very hard thing. Strange as it sounds, hope is what has kept me going throughout difficult times in my life. Hope that things change.
October 24, 2024 at 9:11 pm in reply to: Lost 4 Years of Celibacy & Ended Up Trapped with the Wrong Guy. Feeling Hurt #438972HelcatParticipantHi Nik
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this situation. I think that the obvious thing is to look for a new job asap.
Have long have you been dating this engineer for? 2 months?
This whole situation is messed up and I think you know that you need to get out of it.
You are lucky that you aren’t pregnant yet. These things can happen very quickly. All it really takes is once. If you have a baby with this man and you think that your life is bad now, it will get exponentially worse. He is BSing you and trying to trap you. I just had a baby in my early 30s, no IVF, it is increasingly common for people to wait before children. Your time is not running out. You are still young.
My suggestion is crazy for not having sex with him now until you find a new job. Lie to him and come out as a lesbian. Say that you think he’s an amazing guy, but you’ve been confused and struggling with these feelings for a while. Apologise for “hurting him” and say that you really thought that things might work because he’s amazing, but if they can’t work out with him they can’t work out with any man. Lay it on thick about much you have been struggling with your feelings.
If you’re not ready to have that conversation right now, start laying some ground work.
Think it over.
Are you tracking your fertility? If not, you should. Look it up online it’s called the rhythm method or natural family planning. It involves taking your temperature every morning and logging your periods in an app and checking the consistency of your mucus down there. If it is clear and runnier that is a sign of a high fertility day. A higher temperature is a sign of a high fertility day. Make sure not to have sex on these days. There is still a chance of getting pregnant on low fertility days. But since you currently have no birth control method, it is better than nothing.
In the future, do not have sex with anyone without a condom. Bring condoms yourself. Men are awful about using condoms because sex doesn’t feel as pleasurable for them when they use them. They do learn to adapt their technique in time, so they can feel pleasure while using one. You have to be quite assertive to get them to use one. You could say “Do you have a condom?” when you are in the moment and then if they say no you can say that you do and either give it to them or put it on them. Carry an XL incase someone says that condoms don’t fit. The only reason that is acceptable is a genuine latex allergy because latex free condoms tear apparently. My friend has a latex allergy. I’d ask to see something medical stating the allergy lol. Probably not a good idea to date someone with a latex allergy though considering your own health issues with contraceptives.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantMy husband thought he saw our missing cat. I hope that this is a good sign and she will come back home soon.
I’m glad that things are going better with my husband. Instead of expressing my insecurities I told him I missed him and asked to chat for a bit. We talked and cuddled.
It really helped because I was in my head before and by not expressing my fears and instead expressing my needs it allowed us to have some positive communication. It made me feel a lot better and put my fears at ease without having to talk about them or ask for reassurance.
I had a nice day today.
HelcatParticipantHi Laven
I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties. I encourage you to seek professional mental health support since you expressed feeling suicidal recently.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Anita
That is great news that you had a good nights sleep.
I’m not good at singing either, I’m actually pretty bad at it but I have always enjoyed singing, so I do it anyway. I think that anyone who loves to sing should sing. 😊
That is fine. I’m quite happy for you to do what you are comfortable with.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Anita
I’m glad to hear that you often fall back asleep. I’m sorry that there are other days that doesn’t happen though and you feel really tired.
I thought it was a beautiful song! I like how tranquil it is. A very unique style.
You don’t have to not bring things up for my comfort. It is good to be uncomfortable and work through things sometimes. It just takes me time to process. I can understand though if you want to do that for your own comfort.
Thank you for your kindness Anita. Especially for saying that you think I’m good enough. It means a lot to me. You are a very special person.
The feelings come and go for me. On the whole it was good to have a week where we only had one minor disagreement. My nervous system recovered a little and I do feel a bit calmer. I do hope that things continue to improve.
Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Anita
You mentioned that you think about bad things happening with other people and then visualise things working out for them when you are having difficulty sleeping. The first part sounds quite stressful and the visualising things working out sounds relaxing. Do you tend to wake up feeling stressed when you have difficulty sleeping or is that something that happens when you can’t get back to sleep when you try?
I haven’t heard Sade’s music but I will listen to the song tomorrow morning. I think the lyrics sound really nice. It is apt! 😊
You are right, he could not silence the narrative but he did help me to understand for the first time that it wasn’t true.
It is true that I can overreact sometimes and so can he. I have been trying my hardest not to overreact because there is no room for two people to overreact in the relationship. It would just be over. I tend to go quiet to calm down to make sure I don’t add to the situation.
It is hard for me to talk about these things and think about them sometimes. It makes me feel self-punishing. It isn’t your fault that it is hard for me though.
Thank you for a helpful strategy for handling these situations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with kindness and compassion. I really appreciate it! Thank you for wishing my friend well too! He has improved a little but isn’t out of the woods yet. ❤️
My husband and I only argued once this week and it was a minor argument. Things are improving.
I feel bad after counselling. I just feel really anxious. My husband is trying to make things better. But I don’t trust it yet. It has only been a week. Consistency is important to me.
I’m also afraid that I’m not good enough. When things were okay between us I had fears that he would one day find me too much and regret being with me. It feels like that fear has come to pass. No longer a silly fear, no longer not true and just an old story. It feels like reality.
Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Manjot
I’m sorry to hear about your break up and that your ex has started dating and you see her in class. That must be really hard for you.
It sounds like she was your first love? The early ones are always the hardest because it involves learning about the dating process. Going into things with an open heart, expecting things to work out is how you get hurt. Sadly, reality often doesn’t work out that way. It is a hard lesson to learn but it will get easier in time. Next time, you will not expect so much because now you know that sometimes things don’t work out and this will help you to protect your heart. The pain will pass in time. I promise! Please take extra care of yourself during this difficult time.
In the future, be careful not to threaten to hurt yourself when you have a break up.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantSleep well Anita! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Anita
I just wanted to send you a quick message letting you know that I’m not upset and I really appreciate your support. I really did just start falling asleep writing a message to you.
I never figured out how to stop the editing problems after copy and pasting and I really don’t like seeing those errors. You might be able to tell me how to avoid that? So I didn’t want to lose what I had written so far and just posted it.
I had difficulty sleeping because I was worrying about being too hard on my husband and so I checked back here and I thought I would let you know that everything is okay. I do have to try and get back to sleep, so I will reply properly tomorrow.
Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 