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HelcatParticipantHi Jana
I’m happy to have made you smile. 😊
I’m from Britain which is mostly half atheist and half Christian with fewer people practicing other religions. A lot of the older generations are Christian, but the younger generations tend to be atheist. Our culture is passive, polite and emotionally repressed. 😂
I’m sorry to hear that your country isn’t open to spirituality. It is a shame that you have had to hide that part of you. I’m glad to hear that your boyfriend is very accepting and likes Buddhism too. It is nice to have someone that you can share even the hidden parts of yourself with without judgement.
My husband is Buddhist and whilst I’m not a Buddhist, he says that I act like one. 😂 I hear that Buddhism is also compatible with Athiesm. For some people, it is more of a philosophy as opposed to a religion.
Have you ever tried a loving kindness meditation? I found it really helpful.
I think that you have a good level of self awareness and it sounds correct that it hurts you inside when these difficulties happen.
With the situation of that older lady, you have a kind heart. You did everything that you could have and I think that you handled the situation well.
For the students you lost. As an ex-teacher, losing students is a part of teaching sometimes. It isn’t your job to motivate your students, it is their responsibility to motivate themselves because they should care about their studies. You cannot make someone who doesn’t care, care. It is your job to teach. If students are not motivated to learn it is not your fault.
Thank you for sharing your story. I do think that it is very inspirational! ☀️
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Jana
I hope that you don’t mind me saying that you are a beautiful soul! ❤️
Congratulations for working hard to overcome your social phobia. 😊
It sounds like it was hard growing up being bullied by other kids and adults. They shouldn’t have bullied you, but people make mistakes.
I think that they were wrong for telling you to stand there and accept it. As an adult you are not expected to stand there and accept it in my country. You are expected to remove yourself from the situation. I think that you had good instincts.
I think that you have good instincts that some of it is cultural. It sounds like you didn’t have much contact with other children before the age of 6?
In my country, children spend time with other children from birth through baby classes if they don’t have relatives that are children. Community groups such as church help introduce kids to others too. Other kids with relatives who are also children or siblings would have had an advantage over you socially. It was never your fault.
Personally, I think that all different kinds of people are beautiful in their own way. Just because you aren’t someone’s cup of tea doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you should try to make peace with them. You can try, but if they are not receptive there is nothing that you can do.
If you think about it this way, not everyone likes peaches. Some people do, others don’t. There is nothing wrong with peaches they are just peaches.
People are also tribal. They like what they can understand and relate to and fear what they don’t understand. It’s not your fault if someone doesn’t understand you. I can tell that I like you from one message and that you are a special person because you never blamed anyone for your difficulties. 😊
I grew up with animals in the countryside too. It is a lovely way to grow up.
My thoughts on people are that there are some bad people, some average people and some good people. The trick is being able to tell the difference. Trusting everyone blindly is not the way for me because I have been hurt by some people.
Some people don’t understand me either. My husband’s family are from a different culture and they think I’m inauthentic by trying when things are hard, by forgiving people and being kind to them. I believe that people still deserve to be treat with respect even when they make mistakes. I have come to learn that it is wasted effort trying when others are unwilling to try too.
I think it’s perfectly okay to find your people.
It was nice to read your message. I hope that you have a lovely evening! 🌜
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Bozo
I’m sorry to hear that you are having doubts about your relationship.
You mention feeling dissatisfied in your relationship. Why do you think that is?
No doubt you’ve been in relationships where you’ve felt attracted to people before. What made you choose someone that you didn’t feel attracted to, to marry?
This man you have a crush on, that you have chemistry with is a stranger. You don’t know him. It takes a long time to truly get to know someone and there are plenty of bad relationships out there.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Kane
Thank you for your kindness as well! 😊
It is important for you to be safe. Your life is very precious. Feeling like you want to hurt yourself is never a good place to be. I hope that you take extra special care of yourself while you feel hurt.
It’s good to hear that you’re open to seeking therapy and that you have previous experience with a child therapist. There is a very large difference between child therapy and adult therapy. I think that now you are an adult you will get a lot more benefit from it. For children, therapists don’t encourage you to do intense work. It is very light. I also had therapy as a child and again as an adult this is why I can say that adult therapy is a lot better. I hope that you will find adult therapy much more helpful!
I think something that might benefit you would be to plan to move out of your family home when you can manage it. The purpose would be to be away from the arguing. What do you think about this idea?
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Martyna
I’m sorry to hear that you have been experiencing panic attacks because you are worried about the thoughts of not loving your boyfriend even though you really do.
I wouldn’t worry about it.
Love ultimately is a choice and thoughts are often meaningless chatter. So the question is what do you choose? If you choose love, there is truly nothing to worry about. Please relax and don’t worry about a random thought.
Perhaps it makes you feel guilty because you love him a lot? Or you are worried about losing feelings towards him? I hope that you feel better soon and realise that you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Jack
I’m sorry to hear about the relationship difficulties you are going through and being no contact.
Since she has asked for no contact and not replied to your last contact and unfollowed you I would respect her wishes.
The thing is that long distant relationships very rarely work out. And what is especially important during the long distance period is trust. She didn’t like that you were talking to other women and lost trust in you. Without trust there is no future.
Long distance is a lot of fun when you meet up. But being in a long distance relationship is hard when you’re not together.
Dating long distance isn’t ideal for a lot of people for many reasons when you could just have a relationship with someone local.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Kane
It is nice to meet someone else with a love of psychology! I wish you lots of luck with your dream. You are a bright young man, I’m sure you can achieve whatever you set your mind to. Pursuit of happiness is a worthy goal.
I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties with your family arguing and that it hurts.
You might be aware because of your interest in psychology that verbal abuse has far reaching effects? Especially when it is received throughout childhood. The negative messages are absorbed by the mind and echo throughout.
I would recommend speaking to a therapist who would be able to assist you with this, because you expressed a desire to hurt yourself, it is a good idea that you speak to a professional.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 1, 2024 at 2:06 pm in reply to: Sister is in hospice, I’m not going to live without her #439102HelcatParticipantHi Lulu
My deepest condolences for your the loss of your beloved sister. ❤️
Usually, the next step is the funeral.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantUnfortunately, it wasn’t our cat that my husband saw. He first saw it at night, so I understand the confusion. I think that he misses our cat a lot. I do too. We agreed to get an urn for her even though there are no ashes. I thought it would help us to process and grieve.
My husband was very supportive when I was anxious about the exam. I really appreciated that. Even when I didn’t believe in myself, he believed in me. That meant a lot to me.
My sister recommended a video to me that helped her, so I thought I’d give it a go.
I noticed that I was having negative thoughts about past arguments with my husband. The thought is unhelpful and potentially catastrophising because part of me is worried about it reoccurring and the relationship failing. I’m going to reframe this by refocusing and acknowledging the things that are going well at the moment. The arguing has calmed down and stopped for now. We are focusing on the good things and being kind to each other. Just because we have made mistakes in the past doesn’t mean that we are doomed. We could also succeed. We need to both put in the work to get there and try. I know that I want to do that. All we can do is try and the whole point of trying is because we believe that there is something worth saving.
It does make me feel better.
HelcatParticipantSo excited and relieved that I passed my class! I couldn’t sleep and was worrying about it all night because my results posted later than a lot of the other students. I only completed half of the final because I’m very slow at the moment. To pass the class you have to get a certain grade on your final. I managed to scrape a pass on the final. Fortunately, my assignments balance out the bad exam score somewhat. It has been hard studying with a baby, so I don’t care about having a good grade, I’m just happy that I passed. I didn’t leave much wiggle room for myself, so it was all a bit stressful. 😅
HelcatParticipantHi Omyk
I’m glad to hear that things are going a lot better for you now and that you have a sense of purpose. I hope that things continue on this path and keep getting better for you.
Thank you for your kind wishes!
This is a big step, it sounds like one you have thought out well and are ready for. You are a good father to keep things for when your child is older. As you know, the nature of children is not to appreciate the importance of these things when they are young.
It is good that you have already sorted through everything and already have kept the things that you are attached to.
Because the person you will hire isn’t you, it might be a good idea to provide some instructions for them as to the kinds of things that should be kept for when your child is older?
You mentioned that there are a lot of photos. Perhaps they could be removed from frames and go into a photo album?
It makes sense that you are still attached to your wife. I think that is a natural thing.
Good luck with finding someone to help you out with all of this stuff. I think that is a really good idea because truly, you are very busy.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi John
Please don’t worry about it! 😊 I’m so sorry I forgot to reply because there has been a lot going on for me.
I can understand not wanting to share something so personal and private.
I couldn’t agree with you more about your thoughts on language and politics. You are very insightful!
I’ve really enjoyed your posts and our conversations as well. ❤️
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantNot an easy day, but not a bad day. I had a dream that we got our cat back.
I didn’t want to talk about things and cause more stress.
Everyone deserves the perfect journey into parenthood, much the same way that everyone deserves the perfect childhood. It is a shame that most people don’t experience it. I guess that is life. Nothing is perfect, things can be hard.
It is hard to process these things. As an unplanned pregnancy, it took a while for my husband to adjust. I just wanted him to be happy for us. I never got to feel like that. Instead, I worried the whole time he would leave.
When my contraceptive implant failed after the birth, he freaked out badly.
I can forgive. I have forgiven him everything. But forgiving doesn’t take away all of the pain or the memories.
The silver lining of this is our beautiful son. I think the pain is more than a fair trade. Without it, he would not be. I just wish that the cost wasn’t borne of our relationship.
I hope that we can get through it and figure all of this out. We are both trying our best.
October 27, 2024 at 9:09 am in reply to: Sister is in hospice, I’m not going to live without her #438988HelcatParticipantHi Lulu
I love the beautiful memories you shared about your sister. Please feel free to continue to share as much as you want about anything you want.
You, your family and your sister have been through so much and are going through so much right now.
It is a hard way for you to find out how long your sister has left. I don’t imagine there is an easy way to find out, but there is a kinder way to find out. I’m sorry that your mom is having difficulty talking about it.
I can’t imagine how painful it must feel to have days or a week left with a sister. Is there anything that you would like to do with her, your family would like to do with her? Anything that she would like to do with you? Anything that you would like to say to her?
I can tell how much she means to you and to you all. How much you love her. I know that one thing is important. To hug her and to tell her you love her every time you see her.
I can tell how much she loves you all because of how hard she fought to stay with you all as long as she could and tried her best to be strong for you all.
I can see how hard it is for you, grieving your beautiful sister. Please communicate to your family when you need help and support with that. Your aunt sounds like a good person to confide in. You deserve support! Please do not suffer with this alone.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantA not so good day, but not a terrible day today. We talked about some difficult stuff. My husband’s family are being difficult. My husband had been lying about it, so I wouldn’t get upset.
Ironically, it upset me more going along on these false pretences. He would rather lie and me be upset with him for appearing to not take action than to be honest and say that he tried his best and that his family were rude and for me to be upset with the appropriate people.
He didn’t have to pretend. He could have just been honest.
He thinks that I’ve had difficulties with his mother since the birth. There was a situation where she called and interrupted my surgery. My husband left the operating theatre to take the call. I can understand why he did that. It is difficult for him to be in a different country and that his family were not there when his son was born. But it was also a horrible thing for me to experience. And the nurses suggested that my husband didn’t want to be there for the surgery when he left the room which upset me even more than I already was. And I was scared to give birth before I was even prepped for surgery. It took me weeks to get over the flashbacks to that day whenever his mom called.
I can understand why he fears that I never truly got over that. But there were other difficulties when we visited and introduced his family to our son. He was asking them to apologise for these difficulties when they laughed and said no. This was hurtful to me.
My husband was a little grumpy with me because I was upset about this but not overly so. This whole situation has stressed me out.
Now, I fear I was too hopeful. Perhaps my husband is right and it will take some time for us to fix things between us.
I do appreciate that he tried his best to discuss these things with his family and I appreciate that he did his best to stay calm and be understanding during our conversation.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 