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August 31, 2021 at 1:46 pm in reply to: Anxiety and Depression are Killing me Slowly and Painfully #385523
RosalindParticipantDear Kodi
I hope Anita’s suggestions are helping you.
In addition, it may help you to remember that acute anxiety won’t harm you. It will feel horrible but will fade.
Chronic anxiety is more debilitating, but if you can identify your troubling thoughts and sit with them knowing that they are just thoughts and not facts, then you will learn to release the chronic anxiety.
I hope this helps you.Rosalind
RosalindParticipanthello
I’m sorry you are in pain.
We divorced after 25 years of marriage and 3 children. It was a decision based on one of us being keen to experience more in life (work-life balance, learning, travel, skills, languages, voluntary work) following ill-health retirement from a toxic work situation and the other wanting an ever more rigid lifestyle with impending retirement (‘watch tv and do absolutely nothing ever again’). I’ve probably indicated which I was!
The realisation that one can be lonely whilst with others, +/- in a toxic work situation, because of unmet needs has been transformative for me. I have pills, counselling, and now treat self-care as my ‘job’.
You are grieving for the loss of the future life you expected.
You feel lonely but want to feel loved/appreciated/useful/sexually attractive etc. I have found keeping a journal helpful to break down the steps needed to feel happier by following the sort of practical suggestions above.
You have bought a new home – what an achievement! Is it in a state to invite a friend or neighbours to visit? By which I mean- electricity, water, sewage system, something to sit or sleep on and a beverage of choice. If so, book someone in, even if they need to bring provisions. You will have plenty to talk about even if it’s just ‘chat’ rather than more emotionally involved topics. Can you volunteer locally, in something that keeps you absorbed for a few hours?
Big hug, Rxx
RosalindParticipanthello
It sounds as though you are growing in your ability to live life with appreciation.
You write that you have ‘so much love to give’; that’s wonderful. You may find that by giving love in a non-sexual way (such as voluntary work or sharing your art with less-fortunate communities), you meet like-minded people and physical intimacy may or may not follow. If it doesn’t, you haven’t compromised your principles but have enriched the lives of others and yourself.
It’s also unlikely that there is someone who fulfils ALL your needs until your dying day (and vice versa)! That doesn’t mean that you lower your standards for the sake of companionship, but it may mean you choose to surround yourself with a evolving group of friends who support you in different ways as you and they develop emotionally.
I hope that helps.
R
RosalindParticipantAbsolutely; what Mark wrote!
R
RosalindParticipantYou are an adult. She is a child. She is a child who has made it clear that you are friends, not intimates. She is not an object to be ‘let go’ or to be pursued in a predatory way.
I suggest that throughout life you decide what sort of a human you want to be and develop your interests, personality etc to become that person. It is a lifelong process. Along the way you will develop friends and some may choose to become intimate friends. Sexual attraction will occur a LOT more often for all but the asexual, but as a considered and considerate adult you will realise that and learn to be interested in the other individual(s) before discussing whether you both want to progress to sexual intimacy.
She sounds like a thoughtful teen and you can continue to treasure your friendship whilst it remains mutually pleasurable. -
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