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For what it’s worth, regarding the ex husband, it’s all about control. If you’re happy, he can’t stand that. From what I’ve seen, it can get worse before it gets better, BUT ~ 9/10 times the fathers will suddenly “give up” once they get a new girlfriend or when the children hit middle school.
Judges don’t look too fondly on dads who neglect child support. Don’t worry. They see this sort of thing every day. Every. Day. Even if they do award joint custody (HA), they will do it with the kids living with him on weekends and holidays. They try really hard to keep the kids in a normal lifestyle.
Ex Boyfriend ~ don’t talk to him at all. It’s too much right now.
Kids ~ they are only getting older and will get more and more helpful and need you less and less for certain things. Praise them for everything they do well and whenever their behavior is good. Think of all the money you’ll save too!
If you have a daughter, raising her is The Accomplishment. The One Thing You Have To Do. Everything else is Optional. If you get to them, great. If not, it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. There’s no angel in heaven saying, “No garden? Bad knitter? Junk food? Where’s that car?”
Now, for things that you are already doing, I downloaded an app called Keep it Green. For gardening, I put in Once a Week, and when it turns Yellow, I know that it’s time for me to water the plants. It’s really a Habit App. I also have down Exercise 3X a week. But guess what? I didn’t exercise last week!!! The worst thing that happened was that it turned Yellow, then Red, then Grey, then Blue. My kids came first OH WELL. Some days it is all Green and then I pat myself on the back.
Keep it Light!
Yes, I have. I used to delve right into the yucky emotions. I spent all my free time listening to hopeless, gorgeous, depressing, brilliant songs/vids on YouTube. It’s as if I had to fully wallow in it 100%. Then, suddenly, I woke up one day and I was Done. I had no emotion left concerning It. I was, in fact, sick of It. Then, of course, I got new information concerning It that made me fell sorry and above Them.
But seriously, get the book. I think it’s great.
There’s a book called Parallel Universes of Self.
One of the techniques is to go to what I would call zero space/time where you’re at one with the universe/are the universe. Then you see yourself as what you want to be/with what you want to have/do/be. Look at this person. Then merge with her in your minds eye. This is your new reality. It’s as if this past didn’t exist. I put on music and spend 5-10 minutes meditating.
I’ve tried this and it works (for me) not in a immediate ground breaking way, but real enough in a way that is a little spooky! (My son’s suddenly respectful, my mom starts talking freely about my father, etc.)
Give it a try.
P.S. Match dot com, set ups, meet ups, etc.
Some people may not like my advice, but it is the most real I can think of. The underlying thing behind your post is that you are in your mid-thirties. i.e. time is precious regarding starting a family.
What I think happens is this: We as women wait to find that emotional connection and/or put up with a lot of abuse because we deep down want to have families and are willing to wait for a good thing OR put up with a bad thing.
Why don’t you go on as many dates as possible? Hear me out: If you have 20 dates lined up, and someone connects with you, great! If not, you can swiftly cut your losses as you have 19 other people to meet. If the man knows you are circular dating, the message will be that you will drop him and move on if he’s not doting to you. Also, it gives you something to look forward to!
Best of Luck!!
Another thing you could do is appreciate every little thing you have.
Also, Flip the Script ~ for example:
Who in their right minds would buy a HOUSE? Houses are a pain in the butt! The maintenance! The crippling mortgage! Taxes!! An apartment? That’s freedom! Let the landlord take care of the problems! Look at all the money you save in the long run! You can travel more with less worry!
Oh my goodness, with your money budgeting savvy, YOU could go overseas. YOU could run up your phone bill. Whenever you want, really. But you don’t, b/c you are fiscally wise. But you could. Maybe you will. When the time is right, when you feel like it.
See what I did there?
Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate!April 21, 2014 at 9:09 am in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55110
This is from experience:
1. Long distance relationships are tough. No matter how close you are, there will always be an element of each person living in totally different parallel universes. His Parallel/Alternate universe took over his brain.
2. Yes, you contacted him a little too much, too soon, with way too much emotion. The only remedy for that is to back way the h*** off!! The more he doesn’t have to respond to you, the more time he will spend wondering about the mystery of your sudden disappearance!
3. You are close to his relatives. Close as in you see them/visit? Make sure you bring a date/guy friend/male cousin who’s a good actor. Or mention a nickname (connotes intimacy). Or post a pic online. When they ask about him shrug say, “I don’t know about him yet. I feel like I just broke up with Old Boyfriend. We’ll see.” The phones will be ringing!
4. If you are on social media, after a few months post pics of you looking a little different dressing in a different style. He’s not the only one changing and moving on!
5. When he contacts you again (they always do, mine always did, even years later!) wait a few days to respond. This will be difficult.
That’s all I got. Good luck!
P.S. All the above said, once you get a new boyfriend, YOU will be the one that got away in his mind!