This post resonates with exactly how I feel at this moment. Although I’m not attending an Ivy league school, I am still a graduate student at a University, working with high impact people. I’ve spent much of my life working towards this and have made many sacrifices to get here.This was something I thought would interest me. It did at first, but now I feel extremely burn’t out and almost on the brink of failure (although I’m almost done). On one side I feel I should be blessed to recive a funded graduate fellowship and earn a great degree with no cost, but on the other hand I feel extremely unsatisfied and am longing for something different. An issue is that I can’t decide whether I am unhappy simply because I’m burn’t out, or if this is not really the path for me.

What I reccomend is that you try to sort out why your unhappy. Is it because you feel stressed out or uncomfortable around certain people? Or is it because you’re not interested in your current path and want to try something new. This is often difficult. When feeling stressed you feel hopeless. It could be you would very much enjoy the subject matter you are learning under different circumstances, and may even enjoy a future career in your field, but you are unhappy because you are over-worked and not feeling smart enough. This distinction is important and requires much introspection to fully understand. In my situation I’m unhappy because I’m overworked, and not too interested in my current research- but I feel if I worked under different circumstances and on a different project I may enjoy academics. So in my circumstance it is not that I don’t enjoy doing science and research, it is just he present environment I don’t like. This means that once I’m finished I can pursue something similar, but it a better environment, or study a different topic.

If you genuinely don’t like what your learning and feel future careers in this field are of no interest than that is ok. If you are smart enough to make it to an Ivy league school, you are surely smart enough to do whatever you want. The key in life is your intent and creativity. If your smart, have a strong drive, you can achieve anything. Try researching other things you want to do in life and see how you can achieve them.

Afterall, no one really knows what they want until they try it out. If this is a failure, rest assured that you can live your life knowing you have tried this path and are not missing out on anything. You won’t ever be wondering “What if I really took that Ivy league opportunity?” Live with no regrets and do what you want. It is your life and no ones elses.

There are several things you should keep in mind:
1) People often know whether another is being authentic or not. This means that if you deep down are an outspoken person, but try to act tame to fit in (or vice versa) people will know. People know if your trying to be something different or not. I invite you to try this- go people watching some time and after some time (it may be difficult at first) you will begin to see whether someone is authentic or just a “sell-out” I call them. Yes, there are many people that are very outspoken, but so many people try to be a “hot-shot” popular person, that it’s really off-putting. Once you notice this in others you will notice this in yourself

2) Authentic people are generally more attractive than people trying to be someone else. When you are trying something else people can tell you are dissatisfied with the way you are, and not sure who you really are. They feel uncomfortable. Just be yourself, and more people will be attracted to you.

3) Lastly, being yourself does not mean trying to find who you are and then being it. Who you are changes all the time, it changes every day. What matters is that you do things the way that feels natural. Even certain things about you that you think are silly, really arn’t silly. If you act the way you want to act people will just find that normal, and look at that as you. They won’t laugh and say you are odd. People will only find you odd if you try to act as something that you are not. Oddness is not how you act, but how comfortable you are with the way you act.

These things take time, so don’t worry about it. That’s good that you are cutting back on drinking. Live a healthy life style and make sure to do things that keep you happy. Once you are healthy and happy things will seem better and you can act authentically.

I think it is a kind of balance between present and future. Even going to work for a living is doing something for the future- you don’t reap the rewards until the end of the week, or month, or whenever payday is. When you buy groceries you are not doing it to satisfy something now, but to satisfy your hunger in a few hours or a few days. People have to plan for the future to enjoy the present.

But most forget that the reverse is also true. You must be able to live in the present to plan for the future. The problem with always planning for the future is that once you get there, you go on to plan something else. All plans are a waste unless you can appreciate what you have.

So with work you enjoy the present moment of the work (if it’s enjoyable work) but make plans to use the money made. With grocery shopping you enjoy the walk up and down the isles, seeing the wonderful produce, and talking, but still plan to make a meal later.

I think it is just as bad to never live in the present as it is to never do something with delayed benefits. We should try to always do both. Enjoy the activity for what it is, but also recognize the benefits of certain activities for the future.

I am the exact same socially, and am at a similar age (25). I think there are two things you should consider:

1) Some people are naturally introverted and some are naturally extroverted. I am introverted, and by your post, I assume you are as well. You know you are introverted if you find large groups of people off-putting, and get drained rather than energized at large gatherings or parties. But… as an introvert you long deep relationships with others. You long to find an individual who can be friends where you really understand eachother. You don’t care for shallow things, and usually find shallow people or mundane conversations boring.

As an introvert you should realize that this is normal. When I was younger I thought it was natural to be extroverted, and thought something was wrong with me. I would try to be extroverted and often do stupid things. I would say stupid things just to talk, and would go to parties/events just to socialize (even if I didn’t want to go out). A lot of anxiety comes from the guilt of this. You need to realize that it’s ok to have alone time, and don’t feel awkward about being silent. I go to the coffee shop on weekends by myself and have coffee and a cake by myself. I like it that way. I sometimes talk to people if I see soemone I know, but most of all I relax and enjoy my time alone. I go for walks alone and enjoy being outside. Because I enjoy this and don’t feel guilty, I seem natural in public. Someone can look at me and say “Hey, that guy is pretty cool just chillin by himself. He seems like a natural guy.” You will not seem out of place.

2) Follow Inky’s advice. You can have fun being alone, but don’t let it become a vice. Be open to new conversations. Go to that coffee shop alone, but if someone wants to talk, then talk. Hang out with people one on one. You don’t need to be going to parties or have large groups of friends, just have a few close people you enjoy beign around. After work ask if anyone wants to go for a pint of beer. Maybe make plans to go for coffee on the weekend. Join clubs that have similar activities where you socialize.

But most of all try to balance the too. oOnly you know your balance.

1st response:

Yes, you can still make gothic music when happy. There is a painter (Beksinski) who is known for very dark work, but is quite content in real life. Some artists who do happy things (like Robin Williams) are quite depressed in life. Mood does not really affect the tone of your work, but I would argue that being happy generally makes you more motivated and thus more effective. Pleasure is important, but I must argue that your pleasure should never take pleasure from others. It is a kind of equivalence law whereby any pleasure you gain should not be overcompensated by displeasure to others. You gave an example of Hitler having pleasure and passion. Hitler, by killing many, denied so many of their own pleasure and thus is not a good pleasure. Human beings have a sense of altruism, where we feel happy when others are happy. So then, why not achieve a source of happiness by helping others. By helping others you don’t have to wallow in their misery, just like a doctor treating a patient doesn’t have to get sick.

The problem with western society is that we need to feel a certain worth. If we don’t suffer or work for something than we feel we do not earn it. This is a very false conception and I’m glad you have a similar opinion

Second Post:

What you say about compassion, and not needing suffering to achieve it, is correct in a way. I would also like to point out that if you have suffered at some point in your life it is much easier to empathize with someone else who is suffering. The thing about suffering, depression, etc. is that it’s not a ‘black and white’ scientific thing you can fully grasp from reading books. Sure you can read about the symptoms and trials of what people are going through, but you still don’t quite grasp what it’s actually like until you go through it. That being said, anyone who is happy generally is a positive influence. So regardless if you’ve suffered or not, I believe a happy person could help out a suffering person.

It is like being a doctor. Just because the patients are sick doesn’t mean the doctor has to make himself sick to treat them. Though, the doctor still needs to know all the symptoms and causes of why the person is sick. IT is similar when suffering: You don’t need to wallow in despair to help (like you said), but you still need a strong understanding which is difficult to come by.

Yes, I partially agree to your statements. Almost any creative endeavor requires a kind of emotional content. Even mundane tasks become easier and joyful to a happy person. It is truly a gift to be someone who can find joy in anything, and therefore be great at anything they do (even sweeping the floor with profound joy is supreme).

I find myself in a similar situation. I go through bouts of depression. Although I am much better now than I was a few months ago, I still go through cycles. Some days I feel calm and collected, and ready to start the day. Others I feel no motivation and don’t want to move. I notice that on days when I wake up happier my work progresses more smoothly and intelligently than on days when I’m depressed.

There is no reason why you can’t take breaks in what you do. You can still take up composing later in life once you become more stable. Try to find something else that gives you joy. Depression feeds on the feeling of restlessness and sloth. When you have a strong motivation, or purpose, then you can more easily cope. Do not give up everything just because you are going through a rough time. Do something else, and things will pass.

It’s amazing that I’m in almost the exact same situation as you. I too am pursuing a masters degree (civil engineering instead of biology) right out of undergrad and am having grief with it. It is a kind of dispair coming from a mixture of pressure from my supervisors to meet deadlines and the tedium of doing the same thing every day in which I have no passion. There have been many times that I considered quitting, but my ego just won’t let me.

Instead of art I have a passion for writing (fiction) and have this dream of becoming an author. I find the despair of my studies is lightened by me working towards my dream as a writer. Maybe it would help if you worked towards art right now, giving you something positive in your day. I wake up an hour early every day and do my writing while I am still fresh. It makes me much more happier when I start my day because my creativity is flowing and I’m satisfied with some progress.

As far as studies I’m not sure what to do. It’s slowly moving along so I think I’ll just tough it out. My plan is to find a 9-5 job that will allow me maximum time to write. Maybe after 10 years or so I may be able to quit my day job, but I think it’s important to keep a job while you pursue art. My advice- keep pursuing your passion, but also try to find a low-stress job that gives you money and free time to pursue your dream. Best of luck

One idea (I don’t know if you’re into this) is to teach English overseas (Assuming your from US, Canada, UK Australia). All you need is a university degree (of any sort) and sometimes a teaching certificate. I would reccomend this because:
1) it is a way to travel abroad and still make money
2) it gives you a bigger perspective on the world
3) it gives you a break from your previous life to do something totally different

You sound like you don’t really fit in and want something different to come along. I would suggest doing something outside your comfort zone to grow. Once you grow you may find something that you have a passion for, which makes life much better. The above is only one suggestion, and only applies if you want to travel and like teaching, but look around and see what other things you can do.

Also don’t feel obliged to anyone for anything. You have your whole life to find a job. Just live your life the way you want to live it and let things fall into place. Once you’re happier socializing will become easier. Naturally people are drawn to positive people.

Best of luck.