Thanks everyone.

Hey Inky, I agree wholeheartedly with you on this post. Compassion and love for family etc are all nice and beautiful things to indulge in but when it comes to our mental peace and well being, setting clear boundaries is a must. It takes two to tango, yeah ! You cant teach a scorpion to change his nature with compassion no matter how hard someone tries but we can save ourselves from the sting by being smart and aware.

Brooke, do what suits you the best in the first instance. If you are ok, you will make everything else around you ok. Well, that’s what I believe in anyways.

Blessings,

J

Thanks everyone.

Hi Dez

I have not had a chance to read replies from Matt or TheRuminant. Both are extremely experienced so I am sure whatever they have said is probably correct. I hope not to double up the information here.

I will share my perspective here, which comes from a positive and secure soul. I have worked on myself over the years and have come to this stage where I feel quite capable of dealing with whatever life may throw in front of me. I have realised that nothing is impossible or beyond repair.

What we need is love, open mind, patience and open communication in a relationship. Do you have all of these ?

If it was my husband who was doing such a thing, I would openly tell him of my concerns and need for honesty and trust in our marriage. Hey, every marriage goes through difficult times but it is during these times, when we learn the most about ourselves and the other person. When things are hunky dory, we get into a comfortable zone and start taking things for granted. So swallow all your insecurities, apprehensions, fear and assumptions and go and talk to him openly in a quiet place without distractions.

Tell him that you are not trying to change him or impose anything on him but you would like to know if there is something more that you guys can do to rekindle such a connection between the two of you. Listen to his concerns with an open mind ie, listening without any interruptions or pre-conceived ideas. Sometimes, we women get too insecure and our mind goes on a random chase looking for clues to prove our intuitions that yes yes yes yes he is cheating. Hey, when do people cheat if you truly ask yourself ? When our needs are not met in some form or other or when we do not have control over our urges. Which category does hubby belong to ? Either way, there is a solution so there is nothing to fret about.

Everyone wants love and deep connections at the end of the day. We just have different ways of getting to it !! My husband knows that I will never bind him or impose anything on him nor do I have any interest in changing him. I have accepted him the way he is and he has accepted me the way I am. When we have issues, we talk it out. Sometimes, we solve it quickly and at other times, it takes a lot of negotiations and compassion haha. We try not to let our ego get into the indifferences. When 2 people stay under the same roof, they are bound to clash.

Relationships that are based on honesty, trust, respect and openness do much better than those where there is too much insecurities and binding. My husband knows that he is free to walk away any day he feels that he has found a deeper connection with someone else as he knows that I only want his happiness at the end of the day. This is what unconditional love is, isint ?

Have I inspired you enough to go and have a heart to heart with hubby without any preconceived ideas or intuitions ? Relationships need nurturing and freedom. But they also need clarity and boundaries so that such insecurities do not create a rift in the contract.

Sending you heaps of positive energy. Go and give unconditional love to your hubby. Either way, it will work out just fine for your highest good and for his. You both are worth it.

Jasmine

Thanks Al. What does Namaste mean ?

Hi Jobebee

What a brave girl you are !!! I would like to second what Al has shared here.

Listen, there is nothing wrong with you. You are a perfect creation of this Universe. What happened with you years ago was out of your control but you have dealt with that situation so well. Just so heartwarming to hear from you 🙂

You are NOT the only one to have an odd attitude about sex. I would like to believe from my experiences with people that most of us do. Hey, we are creatures who run on hormones. Some people have the desires all the time while others have intermittent desires based on hormonal activity, circumstances etc. There is nothing wrong with this. I am sorry that your partner makes you feel guilty about your level of activity. Can you talk to him about this ? If he doesnt care about your feelings then I think you may be hanging out with the wrong guy.

Keep focussing on your health and well-being. Exercise, good nutrition, good quality n quantity sleep, ME time = these are all needed to keep us functioning well. It is ok to have a break every now and then but please do come back to them quickly.

I agree with Al re: crossroads. Hey, nothing is permanent in this life. We come alone and go alone. What matters is that we enjoy our existence on this planet and take everything which comes our way with a big smile. There is no hard or fast rule about needing to do something. And if you didnt qualify for something doesnt mean that it is all or nothing. This could be a blessing in disguise. Something bigger or better is definitely waiting for you 🙂

Keep inspiring others with your story. You rock !!!!

J

Thanks Sojourner. Second your advice.

Hi Cyd

Look mate, you are perfect the way you are but you just have not realised that. You are consumed with self-pity and a cycle of negativity.

We are often stuck in the rut and addictions when we do not love or accept ourselves the way we are.

On a positive note, I mean how many men actually come forward and say they are addicted to porn ? This in itself is such a truthful revelation about yourself. You are aware of areas that need work. This is the most important and initial stage of acceptance. Get some help from therapist or psychologist to develop short term plan for one issue at a time.

How about you start with getting healthier over the next 6- 12 months ? Your first baby goal can be : good nutrition for 3-5 days a week and exercise (running, jogging, gym, anything that makes you sweat for 20 mins or so) 2 times a week. Trust me when your body feels good, your mind will have less and less control over your urges, binges or addictions. When you start feeling good about yourself, you wont feel the need to indulge in things that take you off the healthier path. And do not beat yourself up if you step off the path for a while. People who keep pursuing are the ones who eventually change their life for the better. Those who give up quickly and often do not move forward but keep going around in cycle of misery.

Practicing positive affirmations and telling yourself about things that are good in yourself is second thing you can do everyday. When you indulge in too much negative self- talk, it forms a neuro pathway of same in our subconscious brain and wah lah, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Break the cycle. Catch yourself every time you say something negative about yourself – for example damaged goods is a no no 🙂 when you become more aware of this negative self talk, you will become kinder and more compassionate as a result.

Every time you feel going down a spiral, listen to some positive talk or lecture or read an article. Technology has made this so easy for us. Every time I feel negative, I do the same. I break the cycle before it goes beyond few mins (before it was days). I have heaps of uplifting you tubes / articles saved under “I am feeling low so lift me up” section on my phone and ipad. It works wonder. If I still feel bad, soul soothing music always does it for me so I have that on the phone as well.

Hey it is not all that bad as our mind makes it out to be. Start on small actions / goal setting and in 1-2 years, you will be laughing at all of this with pride 🙂

Blessings,

J

Ha ha Inky. Bless your soul. I am sitting in a cafe hoping to finish a report before lunchtime but my heart is not in it. Your posts are much more fun and made me laugh so loud that everyone around me is probably left with a thought – I will have what she is having. As it is, I am a giggle machine lol.

Thank you my friend. To be able to take things lightly n put a smile on someones face are 2 awesome attributes to have. We can all do with a friend like you.

Hope Jacqueline can take the fun bits and spice up her life 😉

@asdfghjkljacque

Jacqueline – your post made me smile. Thanks for that 🙂 . What is the harm in making the first move ? Who says that it has to be a guy who has to make the first move or all the moves ? Do you not have feelings or emotions ? Do you not like to drive your own car or run your life the way you want to ?

Why don’t you do all the hard work first of making moves and lets hope he will learn the ropes of aggression or assertion in the process, yeah ? Would love to hear @inky and @simpleal ‘s comment on this 🙂

And what Kelly said in earlier post still stands. Enjoy lady 🙂

J

Hi Katy, sorry I do not have any valuable advice but good on you for deleting your FB account. The more you surround yourself with “personal insults” from different sources (Fb, goss from friends etc), the harder it gets to move forward in life with pride. Let this guy go. There are many fish in this world and one of them will bring loads of happiness and love into your life. You need to be kind to yourself for that to occur.

I must have had my heart broken a few times before I found my lovely husband and you know what – he is worth all the heart brokenness I went through and I am so glad for those incidents and guys as they helped me find me 🙂 wouldnt change a thing of the past now lol.

Inky @inky, you are truly a hilarious being. Love your take on things 🙂 thanks for putting a huge smile on my face :))))))))

Hi Tracey

I am sorry for the hard times that you have been through. Anyone can develop self doubts with such incidents.

Hey, whats the worst that can happen if you just be Tracey who doesn’t fear anything that comes her way in this world ? This current BF may leave, you may not find another BF for a long time, you may not have kids, you may not get married, you may not have grand kids, you may not be able to decorate a nursery for your kid etc. The list can go on.

Everything in the list is MAY or MAY not happen, which means there are no guarantees in life. I mean who could understand this better than yourself with your experiences over the last few months ? Think about this for a few moments as it will make you feel calm and peaceful.

Many things (actually all but this might not make sense to you as yet) that happen in our lives are our own projections. If you project self-doubt, your partner will do more such things to confirm that. If you project love and confidence, everyone around you will start doing actions that confirm those feelings. Life is very simple when it comes to feelings and emotions. What you project in your mind and heart is what you get on the big screen of life.

Try flipping things around and enjoy spending time with your new partner without fear, self doubt or any expectations. Just cherish each moment with him and without him. You need to spend some time with yourself as well to work on self. We cant suddenly stop projecting negative emotions – this needs work, patience, self nurture and self love.

Pls give this person the attention he deserves without any underlying agendas or preconceived ideas. Accept him for what he is and he will automatically start accepting you the way you are. We are all perfect as we are. We need to acknowledge that and be kind to ourselves and others. We are harsh to ourselves and others as we fear loss, hurt and all negative experiences. But hey, life is all about balance – negative and positive. No one has all the sadness all the time and no one has all the happiness all the time. A bit of both makes life beautiful and worth being grateful for.

Now wipe those tears (;)) and give us a big smile 🙂

You are worth it and so is this new partner of yours.

Blessings

Jasmine