Hi DM,

I felt sad when reading your post. I too, have been in LDR’s. They have unfortunately never worked out. Too much distance, doubting, uncertainty, guessing, anxiety. It’s not worth it. Especially after reading what this man is putting you through. Sounds like he is having all the fun. Well, no more. Make him work for you. It’s you or the other girl. Make him fight and work for you. However, I think you should find someone local. A non-player, someone who makes You number 1, their first priority. You deserve better.

Hi Amanda,

I apologize, I just read where things were broken off after I wrote my original post, and I’m sorry to hear this. Break-ups are never easy.

What type of advice are you looking for?

Hi Kylee,

About a year ago, I had a break-up. I wasn’t with him very long, but I became emotionally attached to him very quickly. I thought he was “the one” even though he was quite a bit younger than me. Things were great in the beginning. I couldn’t imagine life without him. Then, I felt him distancing himself. He was on Facebook, and I noticed he was instagraming other women. He even “friended” one of my friends..and put her on his home page, where he had me “hidden” with his other friends I guess. I never really knew. But I liked him so much, I was too afraid to question him alot for fear of him thinking I was clingy.

Fast forward, we started communicating less and less where he was investing nothing at all in the relationship. I asked him to leave me, if he did not want to be in a relationship with me. He did not try to put up a fight, instead he got mean and said “what do you want???”. I tried to tell him..but he never responded, and things ended right before his birthday in October last year.

I cried over him for weeks. Wanted to contact him on his birthday. Even had to delete my Facebook Profile so I wouldn’t go to his page, because it showed romantic quotes about other women and it tore me up. I even prayed to God, to bring him back to me, I kept analyzing my decision to walk away for months, beat myself up, I even sent him a New Year’s eve wish, to which he never responded. I kept thinking of the good things, not the bad ways in which he treated me. I was bored, lonely and empty. I missed him terribly. Then one day in June, I woke up, not thinking about him, and if I did, nothing. No yearning, no crying, no analyzing. I was **finally** over him. I then wonder what I saw in him in the first place. His birthday just went by beginning of October. I thought I would surely think about him, I did a little, but no yearning, nothing. Instead, I thanked God for the short time I had with him, and the beautiful feelings he brought me.

You will get to this point too. Just be patient, and let yourself grieve and heal. There is no time limit. I was only with this man 3 months and it took me 9 months to “get over him” like PearceHawk wrote so well, everything happens for a reason.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Eliana.

Hi Dreaming715,

I have read many studies of where they have done research on people who lived together before marriage, and people who got married before living together. The divorce rate was twice as high, or engagements broken off with the people who lived together before marriage, versus the people who waited until they got married before living together.

The times, I lived with my first love and fiance before marriage, it did not work out. It started off well, but then things got weird, and we started fighting over petty things. It then started to feel like we were roommates, rather than a loving couple. I would come home from work, he would never come up to me and miss or hug me, just was on his computer doing work. I barely even got a “hi”.We also started to go to bed at different times, when before we would snuggle and be romantic and make baths for each other. It seemed moving in together paralyzed things and we lost the spark and romance and only saw the negative and constantly fought.

This is why I don’t believe in living together before marriage. Wait till you have that wedding band on your finger.

Hi Archum123,

You were alone and doing fine before you met him, and you will be alone and find if you leave him. Just because you will be alone for a while and maybe a little lonely, take this opportunity to do good things for yourself. Learn to love yourself. Develop some outside interests and hobbies. Men like women who are independent and happy. You can’t expect a man to “complete” you. Look for happiness within you, not with a man or being in a relationship. Work on some goals, take some classes, do something you have always wanted to do, but have never done. Go hiking, travel, enjoy life without a man. When this happens, you will find yourself growing and maturing. When men see you are happy and fulfilled the healthy ones will gravitate toward you.

You found this man. But it is a toxic and very unhealthy relationship. It’s probably best to part ways. You don’t have to be “alone” forever. You deserve to be in a loving and healthy relationship with an emotionally available man who can love. First start by loving yourself, and good things will start to happen.

Hi Connie,

I can relate, tomorrow is my ex’s birthday. Its been a year. I have finally gotten over him..but now, I don’t know why I am thinking about him again. Will this ever end? So frustrated with myself. I deleted my profile on Facebook, because he was friends with some of mine, so I would see him in my feed. He had moved on, while I was crying over him every day after our break-up. He looked so handsome, happy. He had posted a new photo of himself. The photo he had when we were together was not that good, he was looking down sad. Then to top things off he posted a quote about “being in love”. It about killed me seeing it. I had no choice but to delete my profile. What’s worse is that post if that quote for 34 “likes” including my friends. Now, I want to get on there and wish him a Happy birthday. But he will just delete it.  It’s a sad day for me too.