Hi Free Moon,

I apologize for my misunderstanding about talking on the phone instead of in person. You stated you don’t feel like he is enjoying the conversation. Does this happen often? Did it just start to happen? Is there a different approach you can try?

Hi Amaya,

This is a very unhealthy and toxic relationship. The person, you need to work on is you. Until you get you fixed, no relationship will work out. You must get into professional counseling and/or anger management to work on your verbally abusive and physically abusive issues. A relationship won’t fix you, more sex won’t fix you or make things better. You have to begin by loving yourself, only then will you be complete in order to fully love a man. This may begin with Psychotherapy, if you have any unresolved issues from your childhood, making you lash out verbally and physically, cognitive behavior therapy as well. But unless, you change and work on these issues, nothing will get better. Nobody deserves to be verbally humiliated, emotionally and physically abused and kicked or hit.

Hi Jesse,

Still, I’m confused. In your original post, you state, you are insecure. The reason is because you don’t trust your girlfriend, thus leading to your jealousy issues. You then state distance is a factor. These are all correlated. Your first post sounds like you are dissatisfied with things because of your distrust of your girlfriend, leading to your jealousy. Your 2nd post States “things with the relationship couldn’t be better”

What is it you need help with on here?

Hi Mary,

That’s wonderful! I’m excited. You, know, I may just take this challenge along with you, as I suffer from loneliness, alot of my friends have moved out, and they were pretty much “fair weather” friends anyway. I have a new therapist, and am going to talk to her about developing healthier friendships as well. Like you, I want to avoid drama, conflict, cinfusion, walking on eggshells, narcissism, only receiving crumbs in my “friendships”. I also need to work on my need for approval and validation, that I never had as a child. I have to stop worrying about if someone is going to “reject” or “abandon me”. Just because my mother did, I need to let go of this fear.

My other challenge for you, is for you and your Mother to go into therapy together and work on conflict and communication. I know she will resist, but if you want to live in harmony with her or have to, you just have to keep pushing her. No matter how much she resists, tell her, you can’t go on like this, love her, but all this tension is having a negative impact on your health. Don’t give up. I am excited for you, and look forward to future posts.

I have been having problems with my thyroid and have developed thyroid nodules. My physician has me going everywhere to get ultrasounds done and find needle aspirations. If they find anything, then I will be going to a treatment center and more biopsies,  etc. so I may not be able to reply right away. Enjoy your weekend. ☺

Hi DeJana,

Wow, this man is emotionally exhausting and draining. I am glad you left. I don’t know if his fears of loneliness, and rejection issues started in childhood, but he is toxic and it is an unhealthy relationship. He is studying Psychology, so in a way, it makes him feel superior in some odd way, thus his constant “over thinking” and analyzing. He doesn’t want to “fix” himself or resolve his issues, so he wants to “fix” you and others, thereby alienating people. Until he gets these issues resolved, I would not have any contact with him. If you were to go back to him, things, would remain the same and get worse.

Hi Free Moon,

It sounds like most of your communication with him is over the phone, which can lead to alot of misunderstandings and conflict. Is this a long distance relationship? I am wondering why you don’t see each other more in person? Just some thoughts..

Hi Gloris,

For any relationship to work out, there has to be a foundation of friendship first. Chemistry, good looks, a super hot body, is nice, but superficial, and only leads to a quick intensity of infatuation. The infatuation stage lasts only so long, and then you have nothing to fall back on such as a genuine friendship, caring, respect and liking for one another.

I would suggest, taking things slow. Focus on What’s on the inside, not on the outside. Looks fade over time. Become friends, enjoy each other’s company, try not to get “intense” too quick, no matter how “hot” he may be. Ask yourself questions beyond “chemistry and lust, physical appearance. Is he a good listener? Does he make you laugh? Is he a good conversationalist? Does he treat his friends, you and his family with respect? How can he enhance your life? How can you enhance his? These qualities are what make a good foundation for a commited relationship. Don’t ever sleep with a man until you get to know him well, because they will consider you a “hook up” and ghost you. They quickly lose respect. Let him get to know you, go slow and take it from there.

Hi Mary,

Yes, I too have dealt with this for a long time beginning in early childhood by a very mentally unstable alcoholic Mother. I was raised in a very chaotic dysfunctional home. I then picked the “wrong people” for friendships, I ended up getting manipulated, controlled, betrayed, bullied, this continued into middle school. I finally had enough, and in High school, got into horses and showing them to get away from the “cliques” in high school. I made one or two friends, but I was very distant and they were a grade lower than me (11th grade). I tended to make friends with people, who too were not in cliques, and unpopular. It made life easier that way. Yet, I couldn’t wait to get out of school to get to my horses. It seemed animals were my only “true” friends.

Even with therapy, I can still get into toxic relationships. I think because I have no family left and I can get lonely, so I no longer get choosy as to pick out who I become friends with. If I do, I try not to get too emotionally attached, so I don’t get manipulated, or two women will “gang up” on me, etc. My therapist have me two great books, I highly recommend them. One is: “The Nice Girl Syndrone, Stop being manipulated and start standing up for yourself” by Beverly Engel. The other is: Enough! Taking back your life after years of abuse” by L. David Harris. You can get these at your library or Amazon or any bookstore.