Hi PJ,

As you’ve found out, you cannot change someone else, in this case your wife.  The only person you can change is you.  We’ve established that there were always elements in your relationship that were lacking and it is up to you to decide whether or not you can continue living as a couple knowing that fundamentally as things stand you are not suited.  Your wife sounds as if she has some valuable qualities that you respect and this, no doubt, makes it difficult for you to leave.

With regard to the physical aspect of your marriage, I suggest that you broach this subject with your wife with the intention of seeking professional help with a sex therapist.  There’s a reason why the intimacy is lacking in your marriage and any  psychological aspects pertaining to this should be explored.  If she values you as a husband and she realizes how important this is to you, then she should agree to this.  Once this physical block has been released, you might find that the emotional connection happens of its own accord.

With regard to your children, they will handle the loss of your baby according to how you and your wife handle it.  They will take the cue from you.  As long as they know that it’s OK to feel sad, that people meet with disappointments along the way but life goes on and we all have to make the best of it, then you’ll have gone a long way towards ‘fixing’ them.  Nothing can take the experience away.  Leave the door open for them to discuss it if they want to.  I don’t know if you have a garden, but perhaps you could create a memory space for this lost child.  It doesn’t need to be much.  Just enough to contain a small plant or flowering bush, a few pebbles or polished stones, a place for a candle to be lit.

I hope you can work through this.

Peggy

Hi Missyrap,

It sounds to me as if you don’t really have any boundaries around seeing each other and perhaps you should establish some.  It all sounds a bit loose and vague.  It might be good to have, say, evening meals together a couple of times a week and some time together over the weekend when he isn’t working.  You need to deal with your insecurities as coming over as ‘needy’ is not appealing in the long term.  Your boyfriend probably has his own issues which he needs to deal with separately.

I would be a little worried if you haven’t told each other how you feel when, suddenly, you might be buying a house together.  I think your relationship needs to be on a much firmer footing before you proceed with this.

The mixed messages from your boyfriend are enough to confuse anyone.  He wants to spend time alone at his place but you can go over if you want to or, if he changes his mind, he will come over to you.  Please!  It’s one or the other not both.

I hope you can work this out.

Peggy

Hi Kevin,

I’ve checked out the speakerphone and it works extremely well so will probably stick with that.  I’m comfortable with the notion of distant healing as it is taught in both spiritual healing and reiki, both of which I have longstanding qualifications in.

Looking forward to whatever transpires between us.

Love and Light

Peggy

Hi Kevin,

Sorry for making an assumption that you were in America – I realized my mistake after I’d sent the post.  I’m still in the ark regarding technology.  I’m sure my phone can be used on speakerphone although I haven’t actually used this facility before.  Alternatively, I’ll call upon my son for his technical support with WhatsApp.

I, too, would be interested in this experience – it could open up a whole new world for me.  I’m going to be busy for the next few days so I’ll give this some thought and email you one day next week.

It’s good to talk to you, as always, and thanks for your very kind offer.

Peggy

Dear K,

I wonder if you’ve thought of locating someone who teaches the Alexander Technique.  It occurs to me that you may have developed some poor postural habits over the years and the Alexander Technique will teach you how to use your body correctly.  This helps relieve stress and strain throughout the body including the head and neck area.

Best wishes

Peggy

Hi Nothing,

What a wonderful experience.  This is what Buddhism refers to as detachment, going beyond your normal movement into stillness, peace, awareness.

Peggy

Hi Ana,

Within a short space of time you’ve lied to an amazing man and you’ve continued to engage in constant sexual ramblings on a daily basis with someone else.  You are in denial if you can say that this didn’t have any impact on you or your feelings.  Of course it did – you wouldn’t have done it otherwise.  Now, in your naivety and with nothing to hide, you’ve shared these messages with your new boyfriend and probably destroyed your relationship in the process.  Perhaps you need to come to terms with that.

Peggy

Hi Berfiniel,

You have asked if medication affects our chakras in a bad way – I would like to flip this question and say that generally speaking we require medication because our chakras are not working to their optimum performance.  There are times when it is better for us to take medication than not to ease our pain so that we are more able to function in our daily lives.

You have been given this life for a purpose – your life has meaning just through the fact that you are in it.  Reflect on this for a while.

Your spirit is contained within you.  You are already spiritual.  Your spirit knows your mind, your body and your emotions.  One does not exist without the other three – it is an integral part of you and cannot be fully detached until death.

You have been put on Earth to learn the lessons of love – it’s the same for all of us.  Sometimes those lessons are given to us in a painful way – through tragedy, trauma, loss.

I read an article yesterday which said:  Find something you love, that you are good at, that earns you money, that helps others.  If you can tick all four boxes, then you are well on your way to finding your life’s purpose.

I suggest that you find a spiritual leader in your area, one who teaches meditation and perhaps yoga, and move on from there.

I hope this works out for you.

Peggy