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lindseyParticipantAnita,
I felt late last night and early this am some general anxiety. I think maybe I’m having a cycle. I’m also struggling right now. I had this idea because I have August 8th off so asked K if he could take some type off too. I feel like I did this a little impulsively. Well I internally flipped out when he said there probably wasn’t time because I was looking at my tier (tier 2-3) and not his tier (tier 1). In my area there is time available to request off for that day. So he said give him a minute to look. Well it’s been probably 30 minutes or more. And I’m having a lot of anxiety. I’m just feeling very vulnerable first for asking, 2 he didn’t seem eager, and 3 it’s been awhile not a minute. So now I’m in libo and wanting to just send a text saying forget it but not wanting to send anything. And waiting for him to reply.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
So far I know he’s the oldest of 3 boys. His mom worked 2 jobs when he was growing up and he says he raised his middle brother. The youngest has Asberger’s syndrome and lives with his mom. They grew up poor and he hasn’t seen his dad since he was 14. Dad couldn’t keep a job. He’s very intoverted. Very into computers.
His mom likes to gamble. I don’t know if that’s just for fun or an issue. There are no pictures of him and his family on his Facebook.
lindseyParticipantAnita,
First off thank goodness I haven’t done anything with K and thank goodness I never sent an upset text and let things ride. Just got a text from him saying he had to go home (2 hours away) yesterday and got home way later than expected. So we’ve got a problem with communication which was already evident. ( he could have told me this way before 7pm tonight.) but he’s also got a single mom with a special needs brother and no dad in the picture. And that’s all I know. There is much more I’m sure. So I didn’t ask much. What a mess.
lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Its 6pm. I never heard from him. This is really really awful. I feel awful. What’s worse is he’s done it before it’s nothing new yet I walked right into it.
My feelings are just really hurt by all the stuff he was saying Thursday and Friday to me. It’s taking a lot not to text him but I’m not. I might go to bed soon I keep crying.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok. Ok. I will keep you posted.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
i know. And I know what I need to do. It’s just really hard and I don’t even know how to do it. I mean we made plans today and I don’t think I’m even going to hear from him.
lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
I don’t know what it is. This unpredictability. But it’s wearing me down. I feel worn out. And worst of all it’s not surprising. I’ve been here before.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
No not that I’m aware of and he’s never given me the impression that he is high.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
To get you up to speed, K’s texts have been pretty wow this week. On Thursday he told me I looked really cute and asked me to hang out Sunday. Friday he was getting pretty forward with some thoughts and just bringing down his wall some. Trusting more.
So last night around 8 I texted him saying hey want me to come to your place tomorrow since last time he came to my apartment. Never heard back. Woke up at 1am texted K ? No response.
There is a theme here I’m feeling. I’m struggling this morning. Very frustrated and tired. Having anxiety.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
i rode the wave and he texted and continues to text. I’m a work in progress I guess.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok. I just feel very sad. But I’m not going to text for a few hours. I’ll keep you posted.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
yes but I just texted him Happy Friday a few minutes ago. Now what lol.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAlso my anxiety has been really good lately. I feel tired because I don’t want it to get bad again with this situation.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
After I spoke with you last K texted. And yesterday was pretty crazy. He was flirting a lot-more than he ever has-and asked me to hang out on Sunday. He told me I looked really cute yesterday. I was like wow. But today I have not heard from him yet and it’s about 12:14 where I am. This should be normal. I am repeating to myself that everything is fine. I will talk to him later. I do not want my anxiety to take away from my happiness. I am a little bit surprised by his behavior. He stated he is starting to loosen up around me; its hard to trust someone who is new.
Can you provide any support for me and my anxiety? I feel like we might be moving forward a little even if it’s at a snail’s pace which is totally fine with me. I don’t want my anxiety to get in the way. I know that him not texting me yet means nothing but my anxiety tells me otherwise.
Lindsey
lindseyParticipantAnita,
So I have not talked much with K today. Which is totally normal and we have discussed in the past that you don’t talk with someone all the time everyday etc. But I’ve had anxiety today because of the little contact and I’m not sure why I have this anxiety. It feels like butterflies in my stomach and I have to take deep breaths. I tell myself that everything is fine but still the anxiety is there. Why is there this need for reassurance? I do not remember having this need in the past before I was married or even when I was married.
I know that he is my friend and will continue talking to me. I just want to know why and why can’t I get a grip?
Lindsey
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