Ok. Well we were together about 3 months.  I was still living with my ex husband in a coparenting type of environment that had been going on for  a year and half prior.  I’ve worked in the same department with him for 2 years.  I would see him in random places like target and at the mall.  He seemed nice we would chat and I started to get interested but didn’t really hit on him for 6 months.  Then we started Skyping at work then texting for a few weeks.  We didn’t go out on dates bc we live in a small town and I was still living at home and didn’t want people knowing or seeing us together plus we did not want anyone at work knowing anything especially sense my ex also works for the same company it’s a big company . I would go to his house and eat dinner play with his dog watch movies etc.  we talked quite a bit about life.  About 3 weeks in he said hey I really like you and didn’t expect this to happen but it really can’t go anywhere my kids are grown and your kids are really young and I’m done raising kids.  I was a bit confused bc in the beginning we both made it clear we were not looking for girlfriend/boyfriend type thing.  After that he slowly started to pull away and I got lots of anxiety and worry and started second guessing texts and everything else.  So I say to him I want to casually date and go places.  He said let me think about it. About 2 weeks later he texted  me and said “probably not” on dating  bc we r in 2 very difficult places and want different things and He doesn’t  date.  He said he has not dated anyone in 3 years since his divorce but casually saw 2 women.   So I have a break down which was the weekend of valentines and my 40th b day.  A week later I Skype him at work and ask to talk with him I go over to his house later and basically say I want things back to how they were.  After that he started to just be rude in general with texting.  2 weeks later I sent him a text with let’s to something Saturday and he got smart asking “why” twice. I got mad and he was MIA for about an hour text wise I texted him 2x called once and it went straight to vm. He then texted going off on how he was talking to his daughter who was more important than me and that “ more often than not when he saw me texting him his stomach would turn down instead of up.”  I tried to calm down the situation and asked to call him to explain my anxiety etc but he wouldn’t answer.  I said that I felt awful by how he was texting and acting.  I said obviously I have issues from my marriage which he knew some of it.  Then he just said he knew I had issues and would pray for me and that we were just in completely different places in life and that I shouldn’t feel awful about anything and said goodnight.  I never answered and deleted his number and the texts.  I’ve ran into him once face to face and I had a disgusted look on my face and looked at his chest as he had to walk around me.

Anita,

any type of contact is not a good idea.  He’s a introverted narcissist. There will be no kindness from him.  I’m getting there slowly lol.

lindsey

Anita,

today was a pretty good day no work summer shopping for myself and kids.  When I was driving my brain did it’s ocd thing of wanting to go to a hole’s house and tell him all of the ways he has hurt me and should burn in hell but I did not go thank god.  Do you have any advice on how exactly I can feel better?  I want to throw my phone after daily good vibe/positive quotes on Instagram.  Those you were too good for him he has missed out he will try to reach out to you in 6 months is a load of crap.  He left probably at a run bc I was riding the crazy train.   How exactly would be a way for him to know I’m only slight crazy/emotionally scared/still a cool person in general?

Lindsey

Anita,

how come there’s no manual for this stuff?  The reason I got into this situation is poor boundaries, low self esteem, and pretty much starving for attention. I think I was exactly his type.  I’ve got to get better with all of this.  I feel Like I need a life bandaid.  I’m going to start counseling I get free sessions through my work I  just have to wait about a month.  I don’t if the embarrassed will go away.  how can I not think about begging him to not stop talking to me? Telling him I won’t text him anymore, telling him I have issues….. and he responds I’ll pray for  you. After he said that I deleted everything from my phone and thought I’m going to bed at least it’s over because I couldn’t  have ended it myself.

Anita,

No way not when I hit on him first and gave him my number.  It’s not against our company policy but it’s frowned upon, basically not a good idea.  Karma always comes knocking.  Writing to you is slowly making me realize how wrong/bad he is on different levels.  To some extent I jumped back into another toxic/ controlling relationship.

Anita,

(Mark) yes his name is Mark too ironic I know

I think you saw me and my issues from a mile away and I was an easy target.   My looks and my attention fed your ego.  I know you liked me in the beginning but my kids and my situation with my soon to be ex made you say this can’t go anywhere.  I don’t understand why you didn’t talk to me about it more or just end it then.  It continued and the more that time went on you got rude and my anxiety went crazy.  I had panic attacks in your bathroom and you never knew it.  I think you are selfish and can’t apologize for anything.  Your bragging got on my nerves.  I’m ashamed of my behaviors during our last text conversation.   I was begging you not to end it and I don’t know why.  We didn’t have much to begin with.  I have so much work to do on myself I don’t know where to start.  I don’t know whether to thank you or hate you for bringing it to my attention that I have ptsd from my abusive marriage.  I feel like everyone is going to leave me.  I’m grateful when men are nice to me and that’s pathetic.  You are a fucking team manager at work and you should have been there to help me not take advantage of me.  I just want you to know that your butt is saggy. You need to work on that in the gym since you like to brag about how much you lift. Apparently you missed that area.

Mark

Im having a hard time letting this go because I seem to want closure.  I wrote a letter And then tore it up and I still don’t feel any better.  I just want to tell him how he made me feel and ask him why he was such a jerk in our last conversation.  The funny thing is I might have a panic attack driving there or when he opens the door and I actually get in the house.  Help

Anita,

thank you very much for your input. It’s really beneficial because I feel so lost.  I’m definitely bipolar  because  lots of the ssri’s Don’t do anything and others cause anxiety attacks.  However I agree and think my illness is on steroids right now with all my stress.  I’m trying to work on me but it’s a lot of work lol