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Macintosh

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 52 total)
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  • in reply to: Totally Stuck – Not Sure What To Do In Relationship #43734
    Macintosh
    Participant

    It depends on how important chemistry and passion is to you. If it’s not there from the get go with him, it’s not something that can be captured.

    You’re 29, probably ready to think about getting married and have children.

    You’d have a great life with him, he’s a good guy, a true friend and partner. Would be a wonderful dad. The thing is, would that be enough for you? If you want zing and excitement, he isn’t the one.

    Would he be willing to do couples counseling with you?

    in reply to: I'm really hurting #43691
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart. All your advice and kind words have sunk in and after spending 3-4 days in total pain – And I mean body aches, physically hurting, yesterday I just woke up and realized WTF am I doing to myself??? HE IS NOT WORTH this pain and heartache. His loss if he doesn’t want me in his life. I texted him a few days ago to wish him a happy thanksgiving and he did not reply back. Been 2 days and it just hit me. I’m numb, not hurting at all. I feel peace and a weight lifted off of me! Glad to say, I am DONE. He will not break my heart again, won’t make me cry. I meant something to him a while ago, but not anymore. I love and care about him but we’re not on the same page and sharing a connection anymore. Who cares why it changed, fact is, it changed. I am so sick and tired of trying to figure out what was going through his head, why things were going badly, why he was treating me like crap and ignoring me, then do the push/pull game… Well, he can go find another person to do that to. I’m going to be okay without him, I have great friends and distraction now to keep him out of my head space.

    I wish him well, wish him the best and am thankful I shared good times with him, and he’ll always have a spot in my heart but he and I cannot be friends anymore.

    Acceptance feels really amazing!!

    in reply to: Please HELP! Need Advice.. Boyfriend pulling away..? #43633
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Are you in a State where infidelity could be used against him in the divorce? This could explain his behaviour and all the changes he’s made recently and how he is acting towards you. Or, he’s scared his wife is going to screw him over either way if she finds out he’s been seeing you while they were still married.

    He isn’t handing this properly and it’s cruel of him to be dismissive and cut you off like this. Sorry to say, it makes me think that he and his wife are not divorcing, that things have changed, yet he still wants you in his life too but without his wife’s knowledge. Hate to ask but you are 100% sure a divorce was actually happening? Just seems his behaviour is off and the way he’s cut you out of his life so quickly.

    Yes, detach and do take care of yourself. This is out of your hands, whatever is going on at their home has nothing to do with you but the feeling I get is (sorry again) something is very ‘off’ here and he isn’t being completely upfront and honest with you as to what is going on.

    in reply to: I'm really hurting #43567
    Macintosh
    Participant

    I still can’t believe the waves of sadness that hits me at times. I seriously am trying my best to push him out of my head, try to ‘hate’ him and I’ve done a list of all the things that are negative about him, things that show me that he is NOT worthy of my love, my care, my affection and my heart. It’s so easy to pour out on paper but in my heart and mind, he’s still in there. It’s like i still feel a connection from him that won’t go away! I love him and always will.

    I can sit here and give advice, know exactly what to say to someone else but then i can’t even take my own advice or stick to it! WTF is that!

    I don’t regret meeting him. I just regret allowing myself to fall for him and allowing all this to happen. If only I could go back and have a re-do and handle things in different way then maybe all this wouldn’t be happening. He’s so closed off, and I truly miss him and our friendship.

    in reply to: Feeling down/ need some support #43566
    Macintosh
    Participant

    I totally feel your pain.

    Guess my contribution is, allow yourself to really feel what you’re feeling and cry it out. Then cry some more and do your best to let go of what once was. Much easier said than done, especially when the mind replays what the heart can’t let go of!! It really does suck, this pain and heartache of losing someone you love so much, and it hurts just as much to know and see that they’ve moved on and seem happy. It does a number on your self esteem and confidence level, that’s for sure! It has for me.

    Allow yourself 10-15 minutes a day to think about him, and then try to focus and keep busy, keep telling yourself that you’ll feel better soon.

    in reply to: "staying off the foot" #43433
    Macintosh
    Participant

    I feel your pain. It’s so hard to get a person that you loved so deeply out of your heart and mind. I’ve been trying rid of someone who meant the world to me from my heart and it isn’t easy at all. It isn’t just the heart hurt that gets me, it’s the physical pain inside, like I’ve lost a part of me as well, letting go sucks!

    As crappy as I’ve felt I do know, when the good days come, embrace them! When the bad days hit, let yourself grieve the loss and cry. Crying is the way to heal one’s heart.

    in reply to: I'm really hurting #42674
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Thank you Niu for your kind words. Means a lot.

    I do find if I think too far ahead it sends me into a panic attack, so reading what you learned really gives me hope that I can just learn to stay in the now. Thinking of things used to be, really hurts and makes me miss him like crazy and over think too much – Why everything has changed? What do I do wrong? etc.. I am tired of blaming myself, even though I am all at fault, obviously how I handled stuff didn’t help the situation. Ahh , acceptance … 🙂

    I give myself permission to cry but once the tears stop, I’m making myself get up and do something so I don’t feel so bad.

    Our paths will cross though work so ending it for good isn’t a great option but what I can do is detach and make myself not care. Over time it’ll get easier and actually the more of a jerk he is to me it’s made me realize that I cannot have someone in my life who treats me so poorly. Thank you for saying I”m worth it! I do believe this but he’s certainly taken a bite out of myself esteem.

    in reply to: Is it okay to have hope? Sould I? #42672
    Macintosh
    Participant

    “My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me two weeks ago because she said that she has lost feelings for me and that it was hurting her to pretend to have feelings for me when she didn’t. She said it wasn’t fair on me or her to stay in the relationship.”

    Believe her words. She means them. As much as it hurts you and I see it does you have to let her go.

    With that said, I believe it’s selfish of her to want a friendship with right now, it’s not fair to you because anything she does or says you’re going to read into and give yourself hope. This is why friendships after a break up are near impossible. Maybe in the future once you’re over her and detached, a friendship can happen but certainly not now. You need time to grieve the loss and heal. Having her in your life and spending time with her isn’t helping you, it’s hurting you like her staying in the relationship was hurting her. Time and space heals many wounds.

    Take care and be with those who have your back, friends and family to help you during this time.

    in reply to: I'm really hurting #42558
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Ade, I am a kind hearted person and no way would I treat anybody with such disrespect or rudness, or ignore them. No matter what. Knowing someone’s heart is fragile and they ‘had’ feelings for me, I’d tender to that and be honest – which is much better than silence and being mean.

    God I just want acceptance to happen quickly, really feel it deep inside so I can get over him and not feel so hurt and sore all over. I suffer from anxiety because of this and also body pains. My heart hurts and it’s physically hurting me too.

    Thanks for your helpful advice. This place is wonderful.

    in reply to: I'm really hurting #42557
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Matt, once again thank you so much. It stings to read some of what you said (wish I could quote the parts but this forum doesn’t have quote function to use) but it’s all true.

    I really REALLY need to work on acceptance and taking full responsibility for my part in the demise of this friendship, but he certainly is responsible for his part as well, maybe even more so. I’ve missed many red flags due to my feelings for him.

    Still am hurting and I will for a long time. Now I need the courage to end it. I can’t be friends with someone (I think) I’m in love with, just hurts way too much.

    I have a lot of anger within me, and that is what is keeping me from caving and contacting him now. Even seeing him the other night, I KNOW things are different and this week so far he’s ignored me and actually was rude to me as well, no reason for him to treat me badly, yet the longer I stick around, the more he is treating me crappy. Yuck!!!

    Parselmouth, OMG, you and I need to exchange emails or is there a PM system on this site? I think we could really help one another right now.

    Thanks for replying. I feel for you, big time. I feel the exactly the same as you’ve described!! It sucks and it really hurts, to the core deep inside my heart, but I do know some of this is my own doing by allowing myself to fall for someone that along the way showed me that they weren’t into me as much I was into them.

    Will write more to you later, heading out soon. Thanks again.

    in reply to: To love and be loved #42556
    Macintosh
    Participant

    i feel for you, totally understand know how much pain you’re in. That anxiety and insecurity that his withdrawal caused, it fed your fears and you reacted, making it worse so then he ended it for real. Some men cannot handle emotions, let alone being honest and having a conversation as they can’t take the pain they cause, so they distance themselves and run.

    “We were only dating for 3 months, but it was instant attraction and a very emotional and beautiful romance that never really got to spread its wings and fly.”

    That instant attraction and intense feeling type of relationship for me now IS a red flag. Usually it ends not so well.. 🙁

    Anyway, the circumstances to your situation, his child – Is the major reason why things had to end, especially since he was moving. Eventually he will find a job and move to be closer to his child, rightfully so. Even though it hurts you and how he’s handled things, wasn’t right either.

    Grieve the loss, let yourself cry. Time is on your side and all I can tell you (from recent experience) it will get better but you need to really push yourself not to sit and cry about him too long daily. Keep busy and surround yourself with close friends and family, people who can make you laugh and feel good about you.

    Also, google and read up on ways to let go. Read all over this site and keep posting too. Venting is good for soul!

    in reply to: I'm really hurting #42333
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Well, here’s a little update.

    We were texting last week and then he mentioned he was free on his way home from work to meet up for a quick coffee. While driving there I had 100 different thoughts and feelings running through me, but at the same time I felt at peace. Maybe these many months not seeing him (and me not recognizing it?) actually has helped and I didn’t realize how detached I’d feel when I saw him. It was like visiting an ‘old friend’ on some level. Conversation was light and happy so I chose at that time not say too much and bombard him….I can see how things go in the next little while and next time bring up stuff that really has been on my mind.

    I did say a few things in a joking manner, which he got right away, gave me a hug and kind of downplayed it. I took that as a hint not to ‘go’ there and just enjoy the company for what it was. One thing I DID say was, I didn’t like how jerky he’s been towards me and he told me that he’s extremely moody and not to take it personally. I just said well, that’s not an excuse and you need to be nicer to me. I left it at that and didn’t want to get into it too much. He did agree and I felt really good saying goodbye and he said next week or the week after we’ll get together again.

    Past few days I was okay but then today I got call from an unknown caller (it comes up on my cell as this) and I know he has call block. Texted him and said was that you who just called me? He answered back : What for? So I just texted back, ah okay, thought it might have been you just because of how it came up on my phone. No response back.

    Now of course all over again I’m having these weird pangs of doubt, mistrust (again) and if he truly IS sincere with me or if there’s an element of him just having his ego feed. So confusing! Now I am kind of kicking myself that I didn’t lay it out and tell him how I feel and just discuss the past bunch of months and what is really going on with him and why things are the way they are now. I chickened out as I didn’t want to ruin a fun time. Once again, I suffer.

    I won’t text any of how I feel to him anymore, done with that as it just hurts when he doesn’t reply back or I get a smart ass answer (like today!). I can’t even bring myself to ask him to pick another time to get together, he has to do that since he said he would set something up again soon. We will see how this plays out and I will do more reading up and thinking – Is he worth it and what is best for me.

    I can’t believe how much stronger I feel, it’s like something in me switched a few weeks ago, and I decided not to cry over him anymore, that I was DOONE..and then boom! Here he is, wanting to see me, like he felt an energy shift that I wasn’t thinking about him much at all (it’s absolutely amazing how it stopped, no thoughts in the AM or PM while falling asleep or waking up).

    Thanks for reading and would love to hear from Matt and Katie..And anybody else who would like to give their 2 cents!

    in reply to: How to have peace after rejection and abandonment? #41900
    Macintosh
    Participant

    I have recently been dealing with something similar, albeit, not a ‘relationship’ but a close friendship that involved a lot of emotional feelings. My ‘friend’ suddenly did a 180 on me and it’s been hell at times, trying to figure out the why’s and how’s of it all on my own. He isn’t communicating much, and avoids any honest type of conversation, leaving me in the dark.

    For months I’ve had an emotional roller coaster of pain, anger, confusion and each day I push myself to google and read as many articles online as I can about how to get over it all and accept things.

    All I can say is, time is on your side. And it does take time. Journal your feelings daily, it helps relieve the pain. Have that cry, it helps your heart heal. Everything is a process and happens as it should.

    Macintosh
    Participant

    This guy isn’t into you the way you are into him. You love him and want him to be in love with you, but sadly, he isn’t. He does care and like you as a good friend..

    This is why it’s so difficult to be ‘just’ friends with someone you’re in love with. Your emotions and heart allowed you to hope for more, though he helped that along by spending time with you and knowing full well how you felt, he still manipulated you (probably enjoyed the attention of knowing you loved him) to keep you around.

    It hurts and I’m sorry that you’re in pain. He isn’t worth all this heartache!

    in reply to: Feel like i never existed!! #41023
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Sorry for all that you’re going through donnie. Your wife is extremely mean!

    Time to get a lawyer and make sure she doesn’t ruin you. It’s so not fair!

    Gentle hugs to you.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 52 total)