You’re in a painful situation and the fact that you and your wife do love one another makes it even more painful. She can’t help how she feels sexually, it is what it is.

You have some options, discuss all the pro’s and con’s of an open marriage with rules and boundaries. To stay together, continue counseling and try to make it work, or separate and still be great co parents and friends. It won’t be easy and I also suggest (depending on how young your kids are) some family counseling as well, the changes coming will affect your whole family unit.

Is she bi curious or has she always known?

That intimacy is a big bond between a couple and if she isn’t feeling it, she can’t fake it. It’ll hurt way worse on all levels if she gives it her best and it doesn’t work well in the bedroom.

Hope this helps.

Even if he came back, how long would he stay? How long would it be before he cheated again? Also, how could you ever fully trust him.

Your heart is not ready to let go, totally understandable since this is the man you married, had children with, build a life with. It’s a huge loss, a life grieved that you had but your husband threw away.

Just takes time and there’s no rush to get over him, do cry but make yourself only have certain times to do this. Life has to go on, albeit it’ll be hard and painful, rely on your friends and other family members to keep you busy and distracted.

I can’t remember, but are you seeking counseling as well? If not, please go.

Your husband is a serial cheater and is extremely selfish and probably has many narcissistic traits. He just hid them well over the years.

Saying and doing are two different things, it’s so easy to say I will cut him out, but to actually do it is not easy as you know.

Time is on your side, but really do your best to not see him anymore. Any communication if need be should be done through email.

Hugs and I hope you’re feeling better.

My advice to you is to go total no contact with your (ex) husband. He chose to go outside the marriage and cheat on you, leave you and is now living with his ‘girlfriend’. You technically on paper are still his wife but on all other levels you are not! You love him and probably want him back but that won’t happen unless you disappear from his life. He made his choice and now he has to NOT have you in his life at all! Let him life life with this OW and see how it is. Once the honeymoon phase of this affair now turned relationship wears thin, he’ll realize what he gave up! One can’t walk out of a marriage and start a new life with someone else so quickly! It’s unhealthy and it won’t last. He is still the same man with her that he has been with you. People don’t change overnight.

He has hurt you deeply and it’ll take a long time for you to trust him again. That is, if he is worthy of a chance to make things right with you in the future, he has to be on his own and not have a girlfriend anymore!

Consider talking to a lawyer and let him know that you’re going to file for divorce. *Even if you don’t follow through on this, he doesn’t need to know that!* It may be enough to scare him to see that he IS going to lose you forever and that life with his OW is NOT the life he might think will make him happy. Remember their time together has been in an affair situation only so they’ve not had to deal with ‘real life’ problems or outside influences to test them.

Take care.

So his reason for ending it was because he’s going away? How long were you two together? It could be he felt like he couldn’t bear the pressure of you worrying while he is deployed. Tell him how you feel before he goes away, or did you already tell him that? I don’t know enough detail of your situation to say much more, but how did it end? Meaning, was it a fair ending.

He is unhappy inside, which has nothing to do with you. Parts of him are missing and messed up which is why he felt the need to go outside of the marriage and look elsewhere. It was all about him, not you. You did nothing wrong!!

He can’t be a part of your life anymore, it’ll just hurt you way too much. He’s being selfish by asking to still be involved and be in the family daily life with you.

All this is a process and there’s no rush to get over this. You spent many years invested in him and your marriage so you need to grieve that loss. It takes time, so please do look into counseling to help you cope.

I feel your pain and understand exactly, all that heart hurt, the body aches from head to toe, physical pain that gives you health anxiety, makes your head spin and obsess about it all. So sorry that you’re going through this. Keep writing out your thoughts and reading articles on how to get over someone who broke your heart. it’s so helpful to know that others out there get what you’re going through!

One article that really helped me is called “I miss him but I don’t think he misses me”, lovepanky.com. Google that, keep reading it, cry and grieve the loss until you can’t cry anymore.

I agree with Wonder, this isn’t about you or anything you did or didn’t do, this is his immature way of acting and handling things. Don’t minimize what you two shared, obviously it was something special since it lasted for four years. Not saying you minimized it, just don’t read into his actions and make yourself think he is or has. You meant a lot to him, and probably still do but he’ll never admit that, as some guys have egos that take over and they won’t show their true and real emotion to anybody after a break up. He changed and it wasn’t anything you did or caused. Unfortunately sometimes people fall out of love, or they just aren’t ready to commit forever. Just know that as time goes on you will feel better! Trust me on that, it does get better.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Macintosh.