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MacintoshParticipantI’ve had more strings of good days, in fact for the past 3-4 days I felt a bit more at peace. Until tonight, everything has just hit me and I’m in tears, my heart hurts so badly. I just can’t believe how much I miss him…And there’s nothing I can do about it but cry. He doesn’t want to hear from me, know what I’m feeling or thinking and that really hurts. I feel so dismissed by him. Even through my tears there’s anger. I won’t hang onto the anger in the future as I know feeling anger is part of grieving and healing process. That anger I hope drives me to detach from him more, care less about his daily life and what he’s doing. It’s really hard to be shut out of his life after being in it for so long.
I find reading and reaching out to others helpful too, just wish I can take my own advice and be more objective in my own situation. Someone posted (sorry ATM forget her name) about how easy it is to give advice rather than to take it.
MacintoshParticipantNot knowing what is going on is worse than knowing! And, texting is non personal as you can’t really get a feel of the other person texting, it’s too easy to take something the wrong way or out of context. I’m kind of in the same boat as you, different circumstances but the feelings of confusion and pain are the same.
Sooner rather than later you need to either make peace with how things are and make yourself care less (invest less emotion and effort into him and the friendship) so he won’t have such an affect on your moods and emotions (I know, been there, it sucks!) or decide if it’s worth having him as a friend this way. Ask yourself what you are getting out of it.
It’s really hard to be ‘friends’ with someone you love/have a crush on, or if you’ve broken up and trying to be just friends.
MacintoshParticipantI’m the same way. I can give advice, see things so clearly and objectively when helping someone else but when it comes to me taking my own advice, it’s so hard. Work in progress! 🙂
MacintoshParticipantThanks Matt.
Closing my heart to him has to happen so I can emotionally detach enough that I can go on and not feel how much I really miss him.Today was a pretty good day, I barely thought of him and when I did there was no pain. Actually I felt nothing, like a memory from another lifetime, if that makes any sense. Am hoping tomorrow goes just as well.
I do wish him well and I want him to be happy but it just irks me how he’s handled this at times with such disrespect towards me and he has not been too nice. Never thought he’d be cruel to me.
MacintoshParticipantHi Matt. I totally agree with you. Honestly, I have no hate towards him and if this does end I will wish him the best and only want happiness and peace for him. I am not a person who hold grudges or wishes ill on anybody. In fact, at some point if he comes back, I’d give him a chance because people deserve second chances. I am willing to ride this out and see what happens. I always felt he was a blessing in my life, and he told me the same.
Yes I can give him space, and just keep what I feel to myself. Eventually it’ll just happen: my heart will close off emotionally and this won’t bug me like it does now.
MacintoshParticipantKatie,thank you so much for your wisdom and words of advice. You sound just like me, the type of advice I would give someone in my exact situation! It’s just really hard to be objective since I am invested and have clouded judgement, as well as having my emotions involved which of course,gives me hope when the times he does text and joke around with me…. The hope is also there because he told me I was his friend for life. Though how things are now I don’t believe him. Actions speak louder than words. And you are right, I feel he hasn’t been a friend to me in a long time. Reading what you’ve written just confirms what I need to do. Somehow I need to find the courage and strength inside of me. It hurts so much.
For now I will do nothing as I’m not ready quite yet to decide to say something or just let it go. If I ever get the opportunity to speak to him face to face in the near or distant future, it’d be easier for me to tell him how I feel this way he can’t ignore me. If I write, (right now) it’ll hurt too much if he ignores it and I get silence for weeks or months. I can’t let myself be that vulnerable.
This does truly suck. Such a mixture of emotions!! Anger, sadness, frustration….depending on the minute!
I feel used by him, and as time goes on I know I’ll be alright. I need to get to the frame of mind that this is his loss because I am special and a good person, that he loses out on MY friendship. But right now it feels like my loss and I really miss him.
Your assumptions are more than likely correct as all that I’ve thought of as well.
Thanks again, I really appreciate the time you put in answering my post…You’ve helped me so much.
I’m sure I’ll be venting again soon. Possibly writing a ‘letter’ to him to help me get him out of my head and heart.
MacintoshParticipantWow, I am in a kind of a similar situation (just posted about it) so I know how you feel.
Speak from your heart, it’s always honest! I agree with Luke, and I’ll add put in a smile face or let him/her know that if the email is coming off as intense or dramatic, it isn’t meant to and that you just need to speak your mind.
Start by doing a few drafts, it doesn’t have to be perfectly worded, as long as you make your point and explain how you feel and why in a respectful way.
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