Forum Replies Created
Dear Maria, I go to your post after read your comment in my post. I could sense anger from your comment.
I am also still trying to recover from break up. I could resonate with your story, because I also got reject from my ex family with same reason. Different religion, different race, different background (even though they don’t know much about it). It is very hurt and disappointing especially when he doesn’t want to fight. Relationship will works if both of you fight together. You can’t fight alone.
You put your effort and feeling in this relationship, it is natural getting angry, especially to your self. Don’t be so hard to your self. You need to letting go of him and his mother (it is easy to said than done), try to letting go all. I believe in the future, you will be grateful to end this relationship. Forgive your self first. If you are in the same work place, try to minimize the contact with him. If you work by email, just use the email.
If you afraid that having trust issues, my suggestion is to not make really big expectation in the future. You can learn by this experience, what do you want in next relationship (the partner that fight for us and family that accepting who we are).
Hope it will help
Dear Maria, I just read your comment your post about broken engagement (which I will be posting on it later).
I admit, because our different such as religion, race and also age (I am 32, six years older than him) made me feel inferior. I was trying so hard to fit in, so the family could accept me. I know his family is also kind abused him and he reflected that on me. He said that he could not make any mistakes in his family. His mother and brother sometimes used harsh word on him, even though it’s in front of stranger. The inferiority in me and also I pity him sometimes made me do all that. I could actually judge him being an egocentric person, his environment made that. He chose not to get out from there and won’t fight for me which meant it won’t work. It is hurt to be rejected, especially with unreasonable reason such as race and religion. It feels like there are something wrong with me. I even have thought to making a revenge, but my mom told me that it is no use. With their behavior, other people will judge them. No use to prove your self to them, said my mom. I know the stigma not getting married in my country makes my expectation. I watched many motivational speech in youtube, that this rejection could be a protection. Protection from toxic environment. I know this is already ended, but the pain, sadness and angry still linger. I also still afraid and anxious being alone. It is complicated, I miss the time when I was with him, but I remember how he and his family treat me, after that I got angry again with them then I was frustrated because I want to moving on but still haven’t. It’s like a cycle in a day. Now, I try to distract it with new activity, which is planning open a new small business with my friends also my main work is also getting busier. Even though, I still on blank state sometimes, but interacting with other people does help. I am trying to reaching back my old self. When I was alone, but still enjoy it.
Dear Anita, thanks for your response. I don’t mind getting advice. It is okay.
Dear Anita. I just want to share my feeling. We break up because his family doesn’t approve me. They said because we have different background (ethnicity and religion). I feel very hurt by that, this is the first time I have been rejected by racist reason (I feel that way, I don’t know if it count as racist or not). They don’t know anything about me nor even ask my plan about the future whether I could compromise with them. It really make me upset. I did meet his mother and she never talk about that issues and seemed welcome me. I feel betrayed by all this situation. Especially when I tried so hard to make the relationship working by do everything that he asked even swallow my ego to be angry. I know it’s over now, and it could be the best decision. My friends also said it hard to continue with his and his family character. I just want to ranting my feeling here. I talk a lot with my friends, they will possibly bored with my ranting.
I feel mix feeling.
I feel depressed couples day ago. There were also problems at work and it was a bit hard to go outside because of the pandemic. I feel that nothing works in my life. I also feel angry to him and his family. I talked to my mom a lot, thankfully she always listens to my problems. I feel a little bit better today
Dear Rose and Anita.
I know this is stupid, but finally I help him. I feel pity for him. I know his family have hard character and very obstinate. He also obstinate sometimes. Today I decided not to help him and contact him in the future. I remember the last fight. The trigger of my anger is actually this same situation. He was cranky and had bad mood, he replied the text only with short messages on long period. His text got longer or I got replied faster when he asked or when I respond about his requests. I feel like I am a door mat. That’s when I vent my anger to him, but he get mad back at me. When I apologized, he said that it was hard for him to forgive me. That’s when I decided to break up with him. Now I realized that he doesn’t love me as much as I do.
hopefully I can get over him quickly
Thanks so much for your encouragement.
The night after the break up was very hard. Yesterday was still hard. I need to work and also cried in front of my co-worker. Thankfully not so many people there because of the pandemic. I am living alone, so I think it is better for me to spend time with my co-worker at noon. At evening, the sad feeling was coming again, how we spent our times together and it will end. I even try to download tinder to try to forget (but I feel stupid), so I decided to deleted again. I try to google “how to fix a broken heart” and I found a Ted Ed video from Guy Winch. He said not to idealize our ex for every thing that makes the relationship not work. It is quite working, I made the list on the phone and it makes me not idealize it. Today it feels better as many task that I need to do at work.
Actually when we decided to break up, he stated that he want us to still be friends and still contacting each other if we needs help. Until know he still texting with me. Because before I helped him with his work, he still text me about that. Is it better to completely cut the ties or doing this “friendly relationship”? I am not hanging my hope getting back together for now, but I am afraid it will later. As I say, I am a people pleaser type, it’s hard for me to say no. Am I being too kind?
Dear Jenny, Rose of Yellow and Anita.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Last saturday, he had meeting with his family about our relationship. That I said before, his family seems not accept me because our different background. It was like drama, after break up and want to get back together, his family suddenly had meeting. Today he told me that his family wants him to ended our relationship. I asked him is there any chances that they will accept me, and he said no. It comes to my realisation that I am the only one to try to maintain this relationship. He doesn’t have any effort to make his family accept me. I decided that we need to end this. We both accept it. I feel very upset until now not only to him and his family but to myself for wasting my energy and time for him. It is right, that word will still remains word until you put an action in to it.
Dear Jenny, He did apologize for what he did.
I think, I am hoping that he will going back to his self before our fight.
Like I said in the reply post to Anita, I feel that one of his family member doesn’t like me. I think it will be hard for our future.
How do I let him go?? Imagining the post break up is already hard
Dear Anita, yes I did post a thread two years ago. Well, my working situation currently better. Now, I have friends that I could share my problems with. I also understand that my boss situation demand her to be perfectionist. The toxic friends paid the price, he doesn’t really have a friend. Working place will have their usual problems, but I think I can handle it 🙂
For my relationship problems, I think in my heart I want to give him a chance. He did apologize for what he did to me. I think, we will discuss it again. Actually I also feel that his family doesn’t like me. So, I think it will be hard on the future. I want to meet him directly and tell my feelings about his attitude and the possibility that it will be hard on the future. If we feel that everything is hard, I think I will end this relationship. Thank you so much Anita
Hi, I am 30 years old. Until now, I still don’t know if job is I really want or enjoy? I had an average (with average payment) job last year, but with very good works environment. I leave it because I got better job (good payment), but the working environment is the worst. At least the worst in my working experience (horrible boss, bad communication between colleagues). I am thinking this is maybe mistakes. I could just quit but, what if I ended make wrong decision again. For now, I decided just go through with it. If three more years I am still feeling this, I could consider quitting. I want to explore more what job that I enjoy and what skills should I take if I will quit later. In my life, I still don’t know what is right for me. Every time, I think too much, it just make my stress worst. Don’t pressure your self. You could try breathing exercises, it help me a lot with my anxiety.
You are still young, 23 years old. I am older and I am willing to do anything to make myself better even quitting my job in my thirties. My suggestion is just go through with what you have now. On that process, you could discover what is your passion. I also suggest not afraid to try new thing. It’s never too late to be might you have been. If you feel the thing is right and it makes you happy, just do it. It is better not to base your feeling by other people opinion. Sorry for my bad English, I am not a native speaker
Thank you so much for your suggestion
Dear Anita, thank you so much for your response. Maybe I expect too much with this job. I know I could not do much, because I am new person, but I feel really tired mentally because of this situation.