Well for one thing do you really think Asperger’s can’t also be codependent? And why not withdrawn most times but when you see somebody in trouble be comforting?

It’s because what we are up against, the situations / environment defines our response / capabilities. Also things like depression can make you very numb emotionally which can make you very cold and manipulative, but at happier times when you have more empathy being sociopathic is much more difficult.

I think the problem with these types of things is that people are not black and white enough for any kind of labels to really have any weight. You can be a charmer one day and a designer the next or professional on weekdays. We’re built to adapt.

You sound just like me, and I’m still working on those anxieties but I suppose the truth is this is just a hurdle we have to overcome. If you do nothing you know exactly what the outcome is going to be, if you take a chance the outcome is up in the air and that makes things a lot more interesting. At least that’s how I try to think about things as they stand.

And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being introverted, but we still want relationships and to go out and have fun so maybe there isn’t really such a thing as introverts after all, maybe there are just people that got used to it and the people that haven’t. Even the most outgoing person in the world gets a headache from too much human interaction, it’s all about balance after all.

Hi,

I think you might want to try looking at things more positively. For example you’ve known your friend for a while it seems, do you really think he would try to hurt you? It’s more likely that he just wanted to be honest, because that’s what real friends do; be honest with each other. Also consider that when he moved he may have also been lonely and since you know how that feels, you can relate and be happy for him for finding someone.

It’s sometimes difficult but things keep changing, nothing stays the same forever. But this is a good thing; it means you and your situation can change too! It’s all about how you look at things, a shift in perspective combined with effort towards your goals and you’ll notice things start changing for you too.

As for feeling lonely, you don’t need to date to connect with people, everybody is the same deep down, you can find people to relate to even just by posting here. =]

I think it’s nice to remember that you’re never really alone, you can always find somebody out there to connect to. I think a lot of people are just waiting for the chance to be able to open up and have a meaningful conversation. =]

I think it might help to remember that everybody has insecurities, you’re not at all special for having doubts or making comparisons, meaning in this and a lot of other ways everybody is the same. So everybody is relatable.

You could also possibly think of it this way; a person comes along and says “these shoes are big enough for me” and then another person comes along and says “these shoes are too small for me”, in the same way some people think “this person is beautiful” while other people just don’t see it that way.

It’s not possible to be the “one person that fits all”.

Another point is that if you always compare yourself to other people that means you are constantly suspicious, this may even be towards people that think fondly of you! But you are not giving the connection a chance to form. It’s very difficult to be true friends with people when you think you are beneath them, even when they don’t think that way about you at all.

And finally is praise what you are after? Because praise is nice but if you think back to your accomplishments, or things you felt good doing, you felt good because you succeeded, or because it was fun, interesting, exciting etc… If you think back you never needed anyone to tell you “well done”, those words are nice, but at the time that you were busy with something you liked doing, it didn’t matter at all what anybody thought.

When you finished your school work, or your drawing, or you did something nice for somebody, or you ran an extra kilometre, just by doing those things you felt good about yourself, that’s where “security” and “confidence” really comes from. From you, not from anybody else.

Hi Awakening, thank you for having the courage to tell your story, I imagine that writing all of that wasn’t easy.

I think a lot of people, me included, can relate to “not being able to relate” to other people to the same, lesser or even greater extent. So don’t think that you are alone in your struggles. Personally I didn’t like people for a long time and cut myself off from relating to others, therefore not learning how and why to do it. The reasons that made it all happen were different to yours but the result was pretty much the same; a lot of self re-discovery, dwelling on the past, wishing I could take it out on somebody and wondering how I can “catch up” to all the people I considered (and still consider to an extent, I’m a work in progress =] ) “normal”.

A few thoughts come to mind and I know some of these are not easy to accomplish or think about in such a way at first, but I feel it’s worthwhile and even I myself am still working on them to a lesser or greater extent:

– Feelings of retribution, anger, frustration etc.. are normal, I went through them, at first I went out for angry walks every day, wanted to punch or throw or scream and other things I felt might release my frustrations. I have amazing self control which meant I didn’t actually end up doing these things but that didn’t make them go away! I just bottled everything up for years until my bottle was ready to explode. The amazing thing is that what helped in the end was none of those things, what helped was simply talking about it to someone I befriended. Talking, writing things down, sitting down to think about them at length are I think the best ways to empty that “bottle”. In that regard you are already doing great by posting it here! Well done. =]

– Just emptying the bottle isn’t enough though and if you keep thinking about all the bad things all the time you will actually start to refill it with negative thoughts, so while you are removing your frustration the other important thing in my opinion is being compassionate to yourself and other people, that way you can replace your negative thoughts with good things and experiences. Things like metta meditation, good friends, doing something you love (if you are depressed this one can be difficult, but meditation and friends can definitely help with depression), being good to others etc… are great at making you feel like a person again and combat your other negative thoughts.

– While you are thinking about the past think about what the GOOD things were, like making you a stronger person, a wiser person. Bad things happened but good things can come of it. You are clearly intelligent and thoughtful, you are still going no matter what. Those experiences were terrible but they also made you the strong person you are today, the kind of person that would never do those things to somebody else, someone that came out a better, more caring human and ultimately closer to living a truly happy life because your eyes are now more open which will help you know where to go from here. And you are also a more interesting, colourful person! With more fascinating ideas and thoughts and a different take on the world.

– Don’t forget the past but don’t dwell on it, I find this is a lot easy once you calm the turmoil in your mind that comes from constantly thinking about your past experiences. Which is where meditation excels I think, once your mind stops with the constant worry (which I find keeps going at the back of your mind even if you’re not actually actively thinking about things) it is a lot easier to concentrate on the present.

Things are difficult right now but I believe you are on the right path, just keep going and don’t give up.