http://succeedsocially.com/endfriendship

I think this article sums it up quite well. It really comes down to what you feel is the right thing to do. Personally I think being straight forward has a sense of honesty about it that is important for your own well being.

Would you still be attracted if you didn’t feel guilty? Like Matt said you should talk to him, but I also think you should sort out your own feelings first and make sure they are the right ones.

Your story is very similar to mine except I’m 25!

Try doing some analytical meditation, I think the Dalai Lama describes it well in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTLe5TFTh24

Basically I realised that having a girlfriend is an “external” source of happiness, and external sources come and go, you might have a girlfriend for a while and you’ll be happy, then you might have a fight or you might break up or you realise that person isn’t exactly for you and then what? You’ll just go back to being depressed? This is basically how I analysed this. We need to be happy regardless of circumstances because circumstances keep changing.

Stop seeking things to make you happy externally, work on being happy internally.

I still want a girlfriend, don’t get me wrong, it’s still a desire of mine, but the point is if I find one I’ll be happy, if I don’t find one I’ll be happy, if I find one and something happens I’ll still be happy. That’s what I’m striving towards.

Besides, people are attracted to happy people, including women. ; )

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.
• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.

Dalai Lama mentions quite a lot that no one religion is going to work for everybody but there’s no reason not to, for example, use buddhist meditation and remain a christian or whatever.

That said my own personal opinion is I loath christianity exactly because of the things you mentioned, unlike Buddhism (I’m atheist by the way) which from the beginning taught that you should seek out your own answers and QUESTION everything to achieve your OWN understanding, whether Buddha’s path of enlightenment is correct or not is up to you to find out.

Unlike that, Christianity and other similar religions use ignorance instead. They say you should STOP questioning and use fear tactics to get you to submit.

The Dalai Lama has said that all popular religions basically have the same message, peace, working together, happiness etc…

And I agree, christianity at its base does have the same message, which is good, it’s the execution of spreading that message that in my humble opinion is wrong and too easily corrupted (as history has shown time and again).

When I look at buddhists I see people with clear eyes that actively look around and see things and ask questions and seek understanding, when I look at christians they look happy, yes, but their eyes are foggy with too much blind faith, yes they are happy, but it’s a creepy kind of happiness where they will just as happily walk off a cliff if asked to. I find this really disturbing.

Disclaimer: this is just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt. Also don’t think of my post as pushing towards buddhism (like I said I’m atheist, but I recently started meditating and it has helped me a lot), think about it yourself.

That’s an interesting question. Maybe us guys get used to rejection / having to let go because it happens so often? We have to build up a tolerance because every time we like a girl and she says no it hurts, but we learn that we have to keep moving and not let it get to us early on. I could be wrong but I’m presuming most women just aren’t used to the same amount of rejection.

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.
• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.
• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.

I’ve been struggling with loneliness myself but recently I feel like my condition (if you want to call it that) has improved, here’s what helped me the most (and still is):

A good friend and time.

It’s really good to find someone you can talk to about anything that comes to mind and unfortunately getting over things does take some time, for me it took several months, but considering how badly I felt that’s not very long at all.

I still have my ups and downs but the downs aren’t as bad anymore and getting better, I also looked up Metta meditation yesterday and I can recommend it, or even just sitting down for an hour with your eyes closed and actively sorting through your feelings and thoughts. I have found that things like the internet are really good at distracting you from sitting down and actually working through things, it’s too easy to escape the bad feelings by heading online or doing other things but that doesn’t make them go away, you need to actually have some quiet time to sort it all out internally.

So I suppose it’s like three components:

1) Talking with someone about everything, or writing it down
2) Sitting down quietly and sorting through your thoughts and emotions, just let yourself be sad or lonely or anything else you want to feel, actively work on it
3) Realise it’ll take some time to sort through everything

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.
• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.

Hey V, I can relate to your story.

It’s hard to give advice since I’m struggling with a few of these things myself, but one thing I know for sure (and which has helped me sort at least half of it out) is don’t give up! Do whatever it is you need to do, get some motivation, anger is a good motivator, get angry at the people that try to put you down and work towards proving them wrong. I know from experience that the worst thing about depression is you stop feeling anything very much, but you need to fight this, just let yourself feel sad for a day, or angry, rant to someone you trust, just let it out basically, it’s numbing to bottle everything up.

And I know it’s difficult but don’t compare yourself to other people, they have their own problems and even if their life seems perfect right now they might be going down the wrong path, or have their own breakdown in a few years, you just don’t know these things. Everybody has their highs and lows.

Also I found the best way to start getting over depression is to just find a friend you can talk to.

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.
• This reply was modified 11 years ago by memm.