Also, I know it feels like you are alone and you’ve got your dog and best friends which sometimes may feel that it’s not enough. When I feel like that I tend to try and meditate (try the headspace app) or go for a walk in nature with all the birds and insects (and your dog) and that can help show you you aren’t so alone. Also volunteer work or volunteer short breaks can help meet new people and help take your mind off things.

Hi Dee,

I just wanted to reply quickly to say that you are not alone. Lots of people feel like you do and I think it is difficult to find good friends or people that actually care rather than just aquaintences. We care here at tiny bhudda and will try and help this week when you fee like this and in future times to. You are not alone and your life IS worth living.

I will write a more thought out response to this when I can- just wanted to reply to say I am thinking of you and will try to help where I can.

Best wishes xx

Also just whilst I think about it. I think many people reach the stage of realising that a car, decent job, house etc  e.g. all the material things that you grow up with people telling you that you want and need, you actually don’t e.g. when you get them you don’t feel that happy. I have read many books where this has happened and also experienced that in my own life too. I think that’s fairly xommon. Hopefully another member will post about how to get round that as although I can identify that I feel the same, I don’t know what to do about it either..

Hi Chris,

I hope you are having a better day today and are not feeling as lonely. I can relate because I l know how it feel alone with little support  network.

In terms of the girl, my advice (and I am a woman so perhaps a guy would have better advice here) would literally just to be to go up and talk to her in her shift and ask if she 2anted to meet for coffee or something. It sounds like you have made lots of moves e.g. giving her your number and writing her a note which she hasn’t really reciprocated. Did you guys know each other before? E.g. when she expressed frustration you hadn’ asked her out, how close were you then? Had how long ago was That? It sounds like you need to get the ball rolling and find out her feelings toward you- if she is looking to get together then Great, then if not at least you know and can move on, rather than waiting on her as it sounds like this has been going on a while but not getting that far. Also there is nothing more sexy than confidence- so just going up there and taking to her she will appreciate that as being brave.

If it turns out nothing happens with this girl, tthats Okay, it isn’t about you, it’s about her so please don’t take it if she doesn’t reciprocate as a rejection. It could be because you aren’t her type (something we have no control over), she isn’t looking for a relationship, she isn’t in the right frame of mind/stage of life. I have seen it lots of times where people who youd think look perfect together don’t get together due to the timing not being right for them to be together e.g. different maturity levels or life paths or just one of them just not being ready for a relationship- so basically if she says no, it’s not personal.

I am a big believer in fate (which I think helps with things like this) e.g. if it’ meant to be it’l be, if not it won’t and that’s just life.

You also said you don’t have much family or friends. Perhaps you should try and join a club to do a hobby that you like or take a educational course and you could meet friends (male and female there). If you do try this, please don’t be disheartened if you join a course/club and don’t find anyone you connect with, that’s Okay, you may find someone you do another club/event. That’s just a note speaking from experience.

You could perhaps download podcasts from the radio of shows you like so you feel more connected to the world. I find books are also good (but it depends if you like reading). There is a book i would recommend called ‘the opposite of lonliness’ about a girl graduating from Harvard and her feelings of belonging vs loneliness- but books are quite a personal thing so it’s up to you.

The last thing I would say is that everyone feels lonely so in that you are not alone. Even people in relationships. Even people with kids. Everyone is looking for the connection you are searching for and sometimes you find it at certain parts of your life and sometimes you don’t. Right now you haven’t found it but I bet you have had that feeling in the past so, like in the past, it will come back.

I I hope you get on well with the girl. Take good care of yourself.

Hi Redapple,

No problem at all. I know how hard this situation is.

In my case there was no happy ending like that in terms of reconnection. I saw him briefly at an event I went to and he said he was really happy with his new girlfriend and that I am just stubborn rtf and he is pleased he had moved on. He said he wanted me to be happy which was kind. Although all the chemistry and feelings were still there e.g. even though by this point I hadn’t seem him for many months, seeing him again showed me how much I hadn’t moved on in terms of how I felt. He is now getting married next month and has got the house and dogs and so it wouldn’t surprise me if children were next. I haven’t reached out to him and tbh I know he wouldn’t want to hear from me anyway. I think after how awful I was he deserves happiness and so I am trying my very best to be happy for him from afar.

In terms of lessons learnt I am trying to be more like the person he was as I really admired him e.g. he was confident, trusted himself, honest with himself, kind, optimistic and I am trying to embody those traits more so a positive change can come from it.

I have also tried to be more in touch with how I do feel rather than how I feel I should feel as I think this is what caused me the issue. I felt like I should have feelings different than what I did and was too scared and cowardly to look at myself and how I felt honestly and I lost him from my life. So the lesson from that is to be honest with how I feel, take risks and listen to my heart rather than trying to go with what I feel I should want/feel. I find that kind of thing hard as he was the first person I ever let in fully.

The guilt of treating someone awfully does get to me alot. It’s something I think about most days. For that, I don’ know an easy fix or many solutions but what I have tried is to: try and do good things for others to restore faith in myself as a human, listen to audio tapes by Louise hay and just try and accept I can’t change the past no matter how much I would like to and just try and move forward with positive intent every day. I have also done online therapy and starting face to face therapy.

For me this is hard as I feel like I don’ t deserve to be happy or move forward as I am a bad human being. But I don’t know the answer to that one.

Not sure if these things can/will help you- my point is that whilst I have not magically gained him in my life again. I have tried to see the lessons from this and move forward. I have written about the lessons that are specific to me here but you may have different ones.  I wish you the very best of luck and please be kind to yourself. 🙂

I was just thinking about your post so I hope you don’t mind if I post again. If you do mind after reading my posts, please just tell me.

You said you have a hatred against men and also hated against the women that the men seem to like. In terms of your childhood it seemed to me like the men in your life e.g. your grandfather was the one that wanted to help you find a therapist. That didn’t work out at that time and it sounded like he had some personal issues too dealing with the death of his wife, but just because it didn’t work out then doesn’t mean it won’t now. You father didn’t see you but that may have been because your mother’s family didn’t want him too and he may have feared rejection by you coming back into your life later on as an adult or justified his position in many ways in his head. Without an honest conversation with him (which isn’ possible now) we will never know. That’s okay. Some things we will never know. My last thought is that, most people live their life struggling with their own issues, needs and desires and so tend to avoid anything in life that makes life harder than it has to be e.g. confrontation, honesty when it could hurt people’s feelings etc as life itself, as you are posting about Here, is hard enough. That’s just a survival and coping mechanism and We all do it I think at one point or another, perhaps unconsciously. My point here is that even if it looks like people have a perfect life from what you see, you don’t know their struggles, challenges, what pain they carry with them so we, when we feel less than and down, are not alone, we are exactly like everyone else just trying to live life whilst carrying pain around.

In think therapy and hard work can help to get rid of some pain. But for me it’ very much a work in progress. There are good and bad days, much like you have described on these posts.