Hi T. I was going to write a similar post but just reading all the replies here is quite comforting : )
I’m 23 and had a similar relationship with my ex starting at 16 and has finally come to the end of him stopping all contact after a couple of years of dragging out the break up/ make up torture. I think you are very sensitive like me from what I’ve read and I also know that’s great to know but it still hurts like wow. Its like torture because all you can do is think about the past and crave it like your starving and then you let yourself think about it and imagine if things had gone differently – that’s my worst its like the thought of them is my comfort, just remembering how it felt like I was at home when I was with him. He’s recently moved on to a new city and a new business and another girl, however serious I don’t know. I just can’t imagine being able to let him go and completely let go of the thought of us being together forever go because that’s all I feel like I’ve based my life on. I feel like I’m wasting time not being with him. Thanks for sharing T it does make me feel a little better that I’m not the only one in the world with a broken heart. I’m so jealous of his life too. Its terrible.
Tuesday x

Hey livesimple,

Your story is exactly the same as mine. I am 22 and have experienced those feelings and high/lows since I was 14. I always felt like maybe I am just not the kind of person who can be happy and have a positive future. I always found it difficult to imagine a future where I was happy I never trusted myself enough. HOWEVER after about 4 years of talking to a counsellor, staying away from substances, maintaining regular exercise and sleep and taking, what I considered my saving grace after coming off anti-depressants St Johns Wort. You can get it at supermarkets or pharmacy’s its in capsule form and it will help you naturally settle your anxiety. The ups and downs and anxiety etc all go hand in hand its like a merry go round you can’t get off or control. I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia which is a mild form of bi polar, but I do not believe this accurate. Feeling as you described has a lot to do with what has happened to you and around you growing up. I’ve gotten to the point where I can feel the lows coming and know that I just need to ride them out and that they are only this moment and it will pass. This and the other precautions I mentioned above has really reduced the frequency and lengths of lows. I know its horrible feeling like whenever you are happy its not going to last and your just waiting for the next low. You need to trust yourself and take control and most importantly don’t get too disappointed when you ‘relapse’ into negative/ low behavior.

Hope this helps somewhat, don’t get too down because you can actually get better you just need to take control and be strong.
Trust yourself,
Lily

Hi Ke,

I often feel the same, that people are draining and I want to be alone. Especially when, as currently, I feel I have put energy into a friendship and have not received the same consideration or energy back- whats the point if its just take take. I have since made the decision to only put that energy into the people I know would return it in similiar situations. This is a tricky one as there are times when you simply want to be alone. However along my spiritual life journey I have recently realized that I need other people around and to have meaningful relationships with them as it is these relationships that drive me to work harder, make myself better and basically express all the great parts of my personality that would otherwise lie dormant. Without relationships and other people in my life I do not think I would be able to grow spiritually and I would lose purpose. Humans are social beings. But in saying that we are all social to varying degrees and there is no right amount of interaction.

Have a lovely old day
Lily

Hi Melody,

I’m not sure how much help my advice will be as I have not been married before but a couple of things sprung to mind when reading your question. Firstly I think you need to understand that making yourself happy should be primary- you are not going to keep your husband and daughter happy in a pretend world where really you are not fulfilled. My parents separated when I was 19 after 35 years together and I was happy for them because they were both so much happier and able to be true to their individual selves when separated. You mentioned being concerned with living in the present and basically if you are living a life you are not happy with you are wasting your present. What are you going to feel towards the end of your life? It is up to you to change your life if you are not content and this could end up having nothing to do with this other man but the knowledge that this path isn’t the right one for you anymore! Don’t beat yourself up so much, you cannot help how you feel and you are not responsible for other peoples happiness. Separating is hard, it is hard to see someone you care about in pain and it is easy to appease them by continuing the relationship but that’s not going to help you or him!

Be strong, Lily