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ladybug

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • in reply to: I am never going to get over my ex-girlfriend #60777
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hi T. I was going to write a similar post but just reading all the replies here is quite comforting : )
    I’m 23 and had a similar relationship with my ex starting at 16 and has finally come to the end of him stopping all contact after a couple of years of dragging out the break up/ make up torture. I think you are very sensitive like me from what I’ve read and I also know that’s great to know but it still hurts like wow. Its like torture because all you can do is think about the past and crave it like your starving and then you let yourself think about it and imagine if things had gone differently – that’s my worst its like the thought of them is my comfort, just remembering how it felt like I was at home when I was with him. He’s recently moved on to a new city and a new business and another girl, however serious I don’t know. I just can’t imagine being able to let him go and completely let go of the thought of us being together forever go because that’s all I feel like I’ve based my life on. I feel like I’m wasting time not being with him. Thanks for sharing T it does make me feel a little better that I’m not the only one in the world with a broken heart. I’m so jealous of his life too. Its terrible.
    Tuesday x

    in reply to: Instant attractions #44816
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hi Omion,

    I don’t have much to offer in the way of a Buddhist perspective as I’m just learning but I found this question really interesting because I have the opposite problem. I have met the most amazing person and I have never felt like this before – I didn’t believe I would ever be in love/ know what it is. But I’m terrified. I have butterflies all the time thinking about him but then I start to overthink and the butterflies start thrashing around. I can’t believe that it could actually be love and I’m scared he’s going to let me down but I’m trying to stop digging my heels in or I’ll could ruin it that way to.
    I thought about this when I read your story because from my point of view you are lucky to be able to fall in love and trust love so much!
    That is part of my concern with this person, they seem to have fallen like me but I don’t know whether he can be feeling what I’m feeling.
    People find it so hard to take others feelings genuinely especially now as relationships are becoming less restrictive, its hard to trust that someone actually loves you if you don’t feel like they know the real you.

    Luck,
    Lily

    in reply to: Confused about my feelings #42544
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hey livesimple,

    Your story is exactly the same as mine. I am 22 and have experienced those feelings and high/lows since I was 14. I always felt like maybe I am just not the kind of person who can be happy and have a positive future. I always found it difficult to imagine a future where I was happy I never trusted myself enough. HOWEVER after about 4 years of talking to a counsellor, staying away from substances, maintaining regular exercise and sleep and taking, what I considered my saving grace after coming off anti-depressants St Johns Wort. You can get it at supermarkets or pharmacy’s its in capsule form and it will help you naturally settle your anxiety. The ups and downs and anxiety etc all go hand in hand its like a merry go round you can’t get off or control. I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia which is a mild form of bi polar, but I do not believe this accurate. Feeling as you described has a lot to do with what has happened to you and around you growing up. I’ve gotten to the point where I can feel the lows coming and know that I just need to ride them out and that they are only this moment and it will pass. This and the other precautions I mentioned above has really reduced the frequency and lengths of lows. I know its horrible feeling like whenever you are happy its not going to last and your just waiting for the next low. You need to trust yourself and take control and most importantly don’t get too disappointed when you ‘relapse’ into negative/ low behavior.

    Hope this helps somewhat, don’t get too down because you can actually get better you just need to take control and be strong.
    Trust yourself,
    Lily

    in reply to: I'm not ready to let go, and I don't think she is either. #42475
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hello Elms,

    I was in a very similar situation with my ex-partner but I played her role so hopefully I can provide some insight. Reading your story was a tad heart-wrenching because it reminds me of why my relationship broke down. We were together for 5 years, on and off at times, and the ultimate reason I could not stay with him although it was like losing my best friend and brother and everything all at once, was that no matter how much he said he would be there, that I could rely on him and that we would have a secure future together, his actions did not reflect this. He never did anything cruel or untrustworthy but his actions with money were so carefree and inconsiderate that it caused major rifts. In short, telling her you would sell the car to be with her means nothing. Every time I heard promises like that it only drove me further away. If you mean it don’t say it DO IT. You need to act like the man she needs not just say the right things. Fair enough on her part she has a child that has to come first and she has to know you will make the right decisions in the future. Focusing so much on her education makes me think she must be similar to me- wanting nothing more than independence and not to need any one. She has probably been let down in her past. The reaction to the car seems a bit over the top at first but if she has been seriously let down in the past, she probably reacted this way as she had begun to let those defensive, independent walls down with you and now their right back up stronger than ever. It hurts to let those walls down and be stung and you feel stupid.

    I hope you get some clarification, promises and words instead of action will just further antagonize her. Especially with a child involved.
    Man up,
    Good luck Lily

    in reply to: Why do you need people in your life? #42361
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hi Ke,

    I often feel the same, that people are draining and I want to be alone. Especially when, as currently, I feel I have put energy into a friendship and have not received the same consideration or energy back- whats the point if its just take take. I have since made the decision to only put that energy into the people I know would return it in similiar situations. This is a tricky one as there are times when you simply want to be alone. However along my spiritual life journey I have recently realized that I need other people around and to have meaningful relationships with them as it is these relationships that drive me to work harder, make myself better and basically express all the great parts of my personality that would otherwise lie dormant. Without relationships and other people in my life I do not think I would be able to grow spiritually and I would lose purpose. Humans are social beings. But in saying that we are all social to varying degrees and there is no right amount of interaction.

    Have a lovely old day
    Lily

    in reply to: Where do I start? #42238
    ladybug
    Participant

    Eckhart Tolle, the power of now!

    x

    in reply to: How much is too much imagination? #42212
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hi Melody,

    I’m not sure how much help my advice will be as I have not been married before but a couple of things sprung to mind when reading your question. Firstly I think you need to understand that making yourself happy should be primary- you are not going to keep your husband and daughter happy in a pretend world where really you are not fulfilled. My parents separated when I was 19 after 35 years together and I was happy for them because they were both so much happier and able to be true to their individual selves when separated. You mentioned being concerned with living in the present and basically if you are living a life you are not happy with you are wasting your present. What are you going to feel towards the end of your life? It is up to you to change your life if you are not content and this could end up having nothing to do with this other man but the knowledge that this path isn’t the right one for you anymore! Don’t beat yourself up so much, you cannot help how you feel and you are not responsible for other peoples happiness. Separating is hard, it is hard to see someone you care about in pain and it is easy to appease them by continuing the relationship but that’s not going to help you or him!

    Be strong, Lily

    in reply to: How much is too much imagination? #42213
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hi Melody,

    I’m not sure how much help my advice will be as I have not been married before but a couple of things sprung to mind when reading your question. Firstly I think you need to understand that making yourself happy should be primary- you are not going to keep your husband and daughter happy in a pretend world where really you are not fulfilled. My parents separated when I was 19 after 35 years together and I was happy for them because they were both so much happier and able to be true to their individual selves when separated. You mentioned being concerned with living in the present and basically if you are living a life you are not happy with you are wasting your present. What are you going to feel towards the end of your life? It is up to you to change your life if you are not content and this could end up having nothing to do with this other man but the knowledge that this path isn’t the right one for you anymore! Don’t beat yourself up so much, you cannot help how you feel and you are not responsible for other peoples happiness. Separating is hard, it is hard to see someone you care about in pain and it is easy to appease them by continuing the relationship but that’s not going to help you or him!

    Be strong, Lily

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)