Thank you BenzRabbit,

I took some tips from the articles and I thank you for including the song and time to respond to my post. It’s been 6 months of ups and downs but I have to push through it all. I’ve been hearing from my son’s father once a month since September and each time he shows signs of life I show signs of decay. In the past few weeks it’s been the worst with hurtful truths coming to light, not from him but through other means. I guess my sadness stems from losing all hope in this person being an honest person or an involved father to his son…us being a family.

Morning Irene, I hope I find you reading this so much better, having gone through the setback and enjoying your success. I have no doubt you will find the perfect match, it looks like you want to change that habit which I also had and really go for someone to complement your life, not save us from what only we must fix. Maybe this is a great time to channel into your creativity and that new job will come around. With that job a social life which nurtures you, even here I find people care a lot. A community of love helping one another get to their destination. I went to Agape Spiritual Center for the first time (here in CA) Sunday to celebrate my baby’s 6 month b-day and this is their theme for the month:
“Create your life by DESIGN, not be DEFAULT” meaning if we don’t design how we want our life to play out day by day it will usually be by default of all our incompletions (fears, traumas, etc.)
I had never been and his talk really hit some great points. Here is the link in case you want to see it…go to 8-10-14 11:30 service 😉 http://agapelive.com/streaming-archives/sunday-08-10-2014/#.U-pEx6MucQY

Hi Zaica, yeah I get it. Family and friends don’t easily forget what is done to you because they don’t have an emotional attachment to our partners. But if they truly love you they will be there for you no matter what you choose to do. You are doing just great, that first step will liberate you. Next time we chat it will be you telling me about your new job. Yay!

Hi Zaica! Thank you for confiding in me, I am always glad to help when someone asks. About your friend, from experience, only go into details with those you know give unbiased advise, aim for those kinds of friends Zaica, they are jewels right now. Now about your situation, I really don’t know why they dislike him so much. Was he abusive? I would not want you to go back to that if he was Zaica. Now if it is more of a religious or just cultural thing then go for what YOU want Zaica, they will not be there forever and you will just be withering away into unhappiness by doing what they ask of you. One clear way to fail in life is to want to please everyone around you. As a single mother of 2…living on our own, paying my own bills, nanny for my newborn, & private school for my boy I can tell you it wasn’t easy gaining complete independence but it’s possible! You know they say the first step is the hardest, for me it was, and I believe that is where you are right now. Confusion, fear, guilt, etc… What worked for me was meditation, through devoted practice was how I gained the courage to leave my ex husband, get an apartment, and a job. Not all at the same time, but as soon as I leaped everything magically got into place. Your situation is much different than mine when I left my husband but in root I know you are also seeking to stand on your own 2 feet. You can do it Zaica, even without your family if they are not willing to respect your desires. You are not their little girl anymore, but a grown woman who wants to form her own family. I think you should take on your husband’s offer and have the 3 of you away from the in-laws even if that means renting his father’s apartment for a year. What’s key here is you are all out of their noses, living on your own, forming a nest only for you. Sorry if I went too long on my feedback, I like to cover all aspects when asked for advise hehe 🙂

I am glad to read this Zaica, many blessings to you and your husband, life sometimes separates us to bring us back closer than ever. Now you are in a better place to start over and so is he. People can say a million things about the right time to dwell, the right time to laugh, etc. but as you say only I know what feels right to me. I have no clue when the “longing will cease” but what I do know is I’m not going to run away from my feelings but rather endure them with full awareness. Only then can I really heal. Thank you Zaica for your words and support, knowing you and your husband are working things out leaves me with a smile 🙂

Good morning Nikki,

Thank you so much for commenting on my post. It is great to hear from a woman who went through it and has managed to be lighter, freer, I imagine more radiant. Something stood out for me “I have found the hardest thing is to give myself the courage to trust my instincts again.” So true, like what Matt had said, my instincts were telling me he was a pauper but I kept painting him like a prince. I am learning so much about myself as a mother, as a woman, and as a wounded child. Had this not happened, I know for a fact I would be in illusion land and pretty much a living zombie; at some point a crash had to happen and I forced to react, pick up the wreckage, and be an alchemist transforming everything to light (my true nature). The last 2 days have been tough, I feel a volcano of tears about to erupt but each time it happens I am at work :/ You and I both know I cannot afford to bring drama to work as I work with only men. Sorry for going on and on, it felt nice to talk to someone who could understand me. Thank you for your warm wishes, I send you all the love & light of the world so you and your 3 beautiful children just dance in the warmth of joy!

Yes, exactly Zaica! God is good, there is a Spanish phrase which has helped me so much. It goes “Dios si yo alguna vez pierdo las esperanzas ayúdame a recordar que tus planes son mejores que los míos.” In English it would translate to “God if I ever lose hope help to remind me that your plans our better than mine.” And yes, our ego makes us think what we want is what we need, when it is not necessarily the case. I know for certain if my ex had not done what he did I would not have opened my eyes to the inner wounded child I had deeply buried years ago. You see, whenever a “chaotic” event comes up it is for us to look within and ask “why does this hurt? What is in me that makes this event so painful?” Maybe we were abandoned as children by one of our parents. Maybe we never felt we belonged in school. There are so many factors we can start to look at and begin to heal. Yes it is a pretty gut wrenching way to heal but sometimes our ego needs to be tamed in this manner hehe 😉 God loves those who are grateful even if they don’t get what they asked for ♥