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and Anita im going to print off what you said and carry it with me i know im not the only one that is thankful you are here and reach out to those of us searching for some wisdom, clarity and kindness.
i will be forever grateful i stumbled upon this sight. ive often told my counselor about it and need to remember its also a supportive community for me. thank you birdy and anita so much
Thank you anita…i always find your thoughts comforting. i know what you said about success is but i relate it more to my kids. i hate/regret i wasnt the rock they needed..that at times they had to use thier money to help out that they have had to see me like this. also stability for them. they are so good one out of college one just started. no drinking or drugs which may be the good that came out of thier dad drinking and my issues. they are so kind generous and accepting of others. i try to at least give myself some credit for that…my son has even said to me well you raised us. i also am trying to remind myself i cant go back and i have to let things go and believe things will be better..i either believe it or i dont. want 2nd half of life to be better than the first. faith has been a hard thing for me. again thank you so much for reaching out to me and for your words. im sorry your evening has been difficult. i appreciate so much how u reach out to inspire and share with so many others and you make a difference with what you say.
i look forward to hearing from you when you have the opportunity
i just finally broke anita. about 12 yrs ago left alcoholic husband w/my kids moved close to where i grew up. he hasnt been part of thier life in anyway including financially. i have no family and didnt do a good job of creating a support system and its been harder thank i guess i thought. job losses financial crisis and not being properly treated for depression. so there came a time a couple of surgeries which brought in pain pills. i became someone i didnt know and the funny thing is ive been a social worker over 15 yrs. i could move mountains for my clients but couldnt help myself. 2 yrs ago lost my job would lay in bed for days stare at walls for days lost my home car everything. a friend has let me and my daughter stay with her. not easy on anyone and i feel like a failure and so many other things. so there is some positive i need to admit that. a longtime friend living about 200 miles away spent a couple of wks with me at first of this year and last month and is now in touch every day and is being my biggest support. i am on meds and finally making all my counseling appts. i have been reading a lot on line especially here. trying to get in habit of meditating. but its seems to be going so slow. and where im staying is like 20 miles out of town and i have no car so ive been very isolated which doesnt help. sorry this is so long. tiny buddha has been a godsend. also i read your responses to people often. you have so much wisdom and seem so centered. i hope i can be like that eventually. im trying just feal making bad decisions since ive made so many in the past. this is not who i want to be not who i used to be. its humiliating. may sound weird but robin williams really affected me. if he had access to any and all the resources he needed and still couldnt make it scares me anita. i dont think i would ever kill myself but i want to get back on my feet. want to go to a movie. want to be able to walk in store buy a coke. never thought something like this would happen to me. of course also theres was the stupid mistake of getting involved with someone that blew up and crushed me. anyway again sorry so long…but thanks anita for responding. send me good thoughts please….the truth is in some really dark moments when ive been looking for some nugget of something ive read things youve said and it help. thanks again
i am so afraid im not going to make it. in fact i have never been so terrified in my life.
thank all of you for your support. i know it will take time things don’t happen over nite want to let go of the same of my past one the fear some days are better than others I’m trying hard to believe please keep in your your thoughts i want so much to get better and be able to do this basics buy a car find a home of my own. i come to this site and get great inspiration and it means a lot to be a part of it and the people who come and offer a piece of themselves. much love and gratitude.
Hi Lenny……can’t say i have a lot of wisdom can only speak to my experience. i had a similar experience last year. I’ve suffered from depression for years and the last 3 or 4 years self-medicated with pain pills. i was dumped after 5 years and he didn’t have the decency to at least say he had used me. i found out he got married on Facebook when a week before i thought “we” were in a relationship…turns out i was the only one in the relationship. I’ve been faithful on my meds for a nearly a year and have struggled with the pills. it caused me to lose everything my home, car, u name it. also all the drugs do is exacerbate the situation if u struggle with depression. not to mention my best friend died from an accidental overdose. she was someone who loved life but the drugs took control. I’m staying w/a friend now for nearly a year no money my heartbroken, anger just lots of bad stuff and it certainly hasn’t helped my relationship with my kids. so all i can do is work on myself which has been very hard. in bed in dark room for days at a time sitting on sofa watching t.v. I’ve started getting up same time everyday..looking for work and I really believe i am healing. no more pills, reading positive things and just praying for healing and the ability to make better decisions about the people in my life. can’t say my heart has healed but every nite i ask he be blessed and happy in his relationship and I still after a year remind myself I’m the lucky one. its so very hard but like the wisdom shared shared with you above it gets better it really does. may not seem like it now…but you deserve so much better i know for me i had to realize my ex was just cruel otherwise how do you treat someone that way? and i remind myself i have enough problems i don’t need anyone to treat me and throw me out like trash. and you don’t need that either. please continue to come to this site..its helped me so much….and know that there are people you’ve never met sending good thoughts your way. you will be in my thoughts. you will get thru this and you will never accept anyone or anything thats not worthy of you. you are worthy you are loved and you deserve only the best….hang in there (not only do i talk to much..guess i write too much, sorry)!
always look forward to a post from inky…always wise and thoughtful post. I’m hoping and i think working on myself to maybe one day be at a point where i can be as positive and focused.
thank you for responding…today i drove with no radio on trying to just appreciate the beautiful day…i will go back again and read your story for inspiration…thank you for sharing please know that sometimes little things can make a big change for someone especially me, i am grateful for your simple kindness and good thoughts.
Thank you. You will never know how much hearing your story means to me. its one of those days i feel beyond any hope and that everything is crashing around me, i needed to feel less alone and that maybe someone somewhere has felt the way i do now…so thank you.April 22, 2015 at 5:26 pm in reply to: I'm left heartbroken and I can't move on. Need help, advice and guidance please #75689
so sorry innnaaa for your pain. inky is very wise, every time i read a response from her to someone it resonates with me. I had a similar experience recently…after 5 years, we weren’t married, i see a picture online of him with his wife. he had been married 2 wks when i found out. i was with him without a clue..none..where did she come from, how long….endless questions endless pain. its been exactly 1 year now. for me it was a grieving process one i thought would never end. it has. i do still wonder why or how this happened. but it doesn’t matter it did and the bottom line for me is i came out of this much better than i thought. the pain the desperation will slowly go away even if you don’t feel it right now. you must remember and know you are so much better than he deserves. please hang in there…I’m not saying time heals all but time will soothe you and comfort you. every night when i ask blessings over the people in my life i include him. i do wish him the best and want him happy. truth is i believe he must live in pain and insecurity that i can’t understand or he wouldn’t treat anyone the way he treated me. this site has helped me immensely i check it every day. each moment each day will be a little better but there will also be times it will be like a wave and knock you down again. the good news is as time goes by the wave will become smaller and you will be able to withstand it. its a wonderful world and love and happiness will surround you in a way you never dreamed possible.
Hi Ryan…..Im so sorry you are having these feelings about yourself and in so much pain. Earlier this year I went thru something similar with a relationship ending after 5 years. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. It took away my confidence and left me so confused and hurt. Somewhere inside of me i know it was only real to me not him. My heart wants to believe something different but my mind knows better. It sounds as though this may have thrown you into a depression and you wouldn’t be the first to have that happen. I think for now you just need to focus on you. You need to heal. You say there are glimpses of progress, well thats a start! Baby steps right now. I understand how fear can paralyze you and thats a very scary feeling. This IS just a moment in time for you..as hard as it is now it will get better. This website has helped me so much, so I’m glad you are here. You know theres a song…every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end…might sound a little trite but its true. You are on a new journey and you don’t know where it will lead you. You have a purpose and a place and so much to offer I think you just need to heal and that takes time. But it will happen. Please don’t be so hard on yourself..remind yourself of all your wonderful qualities. I believe sometimes we go thru pain and feeling hopeless only to rebound and find something amazing and wonderful on the other side. You aren’t alone and you don’t have to find all the answers at once. Be at peace be still and know the answers will come when u least expect it but when you need it most the answers will come. Soak in the positive things on this site I promise it helps. I promise I will think of you and send good thoughts your way. Im rooting for you. Take care.
pam……………..sorry so long!