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Peace

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 84 total)
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  • in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #388388
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    why is it so that sometimes we know that we took the right decision but suddenly we start to doubt ourselves and our Decisions ??

    I do feel It often.

    Peace

     

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #388387
    Peace
    Participant

    dear Anita,

    how are you? how are you doing? how is the corona pandemic there? … here in Germany the corona situation is going on its peak.

    Peace wants to have a peace of mind– it makes sense!

    HAHAha 🙂

    i didn’t tell my sis about him because I wasn’t ready for any drama right now …

     

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #388034
    Peace
    Participant

    DearAnita,

    I hope that this sister has nothing negative to say about you or about your soon-to-be husband, and that she shows him the respect he deserves.

    i hope so..actually i dint tell her about my bf yet as far as i know my other sister ( may be ) hasnt told her yet ..

    i still dint think about telling her as she is kind of  very cultural kind a person and i m not sure ,how would she react ..

    at this stage of my life ..i want no drama in my life and no emotional manipulation from anyone..i want to have a peace of mind and dont want tp be mentally disturb …bcz i have alot of things to focus on my study, job and my mental health ..

     

    i have this feeling that i m improving my mental health ..i m feeling myself (the happy me:) )

     

    Peace

     

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #388032
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear anita and teak,

    as you write;

     

    and if I had any part in making this happen, even if it is the smallest part- I am pleased with myself as well!

    I would say  (you )@anita and @Teak has a big part  in this ..you both made me learn More about me ..

    i dint understand alot of things and i used to feel guilty mostly ., i still do feel guilty but now i m able differentiate about healthy guilt feeling ( which makes me a human ,if i m unfair about a thing i guess) and unhealthy one .. and much more ..

    i want to thank you alot <3

     

    peace

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #388029
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita ,

    This sisters lives in Europe,she came before 4 months for her masters .. so now she is coming to visit me as she has a week vacation..

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #388024
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita and Teak ,

    how are you doing ? How is weather and covid there!?

    thank you for your response .i wanted to write more next day but the schedule was very busy .i was in Netherlands for past 3 days with a friend of mine ,and was helping her with her baby there, as she is going through  hard time .

    now i m on my way toward airport to pick my sister as she is coming to visit me in Germany ..

    things are going good with my bf .. he is an introvert who doesn’t Talk too much or  does sweet talks but i feel comfortable and loved 🥰..feel supported … we are preparing the paper work for registration of marriage..
    <p style=”text-align: left;”></p>
     

     

     

    d

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #387832
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita and Teak ,

    how are you guys?

    i am fine and i reached Germany safely.before a week Ago i read your post and wrote a big post and somehow it disappeared without being posted 🙁

    i thought to write all again later but was busy with job , studies and few new things 🙂

     

    i have alot to say .i dont know where to begin .
    well first of all i am doing good , i m concentrating on my studies and more motived to do better in career and get a good job soon ..

    me and (he) decided to do marriage here( with or without family) its not bothering me much now ..

    After coming from my country, i felt different this time , i met my eldest sister after a long time ,i always wanted to be close to her and i always wishes that she should be proud of me because i craved that attention (because i never got that , my emotions were neglected in childhood,which i come to know now by our conversation in This thread..

    this time even though i m now adult ,independent ,i was somehow ignored by her  .  ,she was critically judging me and putting me down bcz i did make up and she was telling me till 2 days i was looking so awful in that way .which was hurting btw and some other times and much more but this time something has changed in me ..this inner child of me doesn’t want any emotional validation from her but somehow i become disconnected from her ,as if ( may be ) i shouldnt be allowing her or anyone to emotionally destroy me anymore ..i don’t need validation from anyone and not from people ,who hurts me without realizing the impact of those abuse and criticism on my mental health,physical or  well being .. i just cant get away with this hurtful thought .. but it brought something good in me .

     

    I ll write more later may be tomorrow:)

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #387237
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita and Teak,

    i m flying tomorrow to Germany ..i just checked the forum and found recents threads ..

    i stopped taking that medications( without consulting with doctor) , just because i wasnt able to handle the side effects during this busy schedule here and alot of responsibility along with online classes ) ..and i dint showed any symptoms of Anxiety infront of doctor but maybe he recognised me as i was very reserved ?? I have no idea ..

    The fear of being a disappointment to your family is very strong in you… It’s the little girl in you, who needs your family’s approval.

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>thats true .. i seek validation And when i dont get it sometimes i start to doubt my decision , i m scarEd of disappointing other ,which i m aware that is not  good thing at all ..</p>

    @ teak :

    Let me know if seeing things like that helps you at all… or your anxiety is still very strong?

    i dint really get your question here .. seeing which kind of things ??

    peace

     

     
    <p style=”text-align: left;”></p>

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #387122
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita ,

    thank you for your post ..today i just want to share whatever happening in my life right now ,so that i feel better ..

    i would do that .. i do think it will be best thing to do ….
    i have 2 siblings till yet , who are supporting me and the one who is against it … hopefully things get better… lets see

    i hope you are doing fine .

    i am not doing well  i was having sore throat and feeling low and went to a good specialist .. and he asked me if i have Anxiety out of nowwhere ?? Nd he suggested me anxiety tablets  (escitalopram) which are exactly the same formula which my doctors in Germany has suggested me before two years and   one month before .. ( citalopram )

    however i started it once again ..feeling nausea nd more anxiety .. nd sick feeling ..

    i was having social anxiety and dont like communicating with people alot .. i do ignore texts and dont want to pick people’s / friends call because it gives me uncomfortable feeling ..I used to be very social but now i dont want to …

    Peace

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #386986
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita ,

    While you were writing me back and submitting your last thread i was discussing about same topic with my sister ..

    in afternoon it was like a advise but now it feels like smthing else .

    She was making alot of excuses to not to accept him .. by saying people will torture my family ..u will be in Europe but people will criticise us here .. and that our uncle wont accept this proposal .. people will make our life hell .. mom will be very disturbed etc ..

    and she continued that i should wait and check him more like 2 years etc .. i told her i m sorry but i dont have energy to wait 2 years more ..

    The only issue is caste according to her .. that my children will have curly hair ( actually i do have curly hair too ,i told her ) and it doesnt matter ..

    yah its all about racism ,prejudice unfortunately ..

    i understand her situation and whatever she is saying is reality but this should stop 🛑 now ..

     

     

    should i go to Europe and marry there if the family wont like him ? Because my Guy asked me that if you think u dont want to include family then we would do that now and with time we will tell them ..

    what should be the best thing to do ?

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #386972
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear anita ,

    thank you for your post .. i felt good knowing you were thinking about me . I was just checking tinybuddha and saw your thread..

    regarding this Guy   .. actually i came in my hometown for vacation before two weeks .me and he decided to let our meet first ( so we planned it by bringing some of his goods as excuse to give his mom )  . So his mom came in our house yesterday .. she met me and my family ( her mom doesn’t know anything about our relationship  yet as i wanted the first meeting to be general meeting ,not as proposal ).it was nice meeting them (his family).

     

    before this visit my sisters wanted to know them too .. my elder sis liked them as a person ( who doesn’t know about our relationship) and the sister who knew about us , was very friendly with them on meeting, was enjoying talking and telling stories i thought she likes them ..

    so today she again asked me “Are you sure you want to marry him ? and she again said

    “Life is yours but I advise u ,not to  marry him “ when i asked why she replied  : “ humari nasal karab hojaegii “ translation “ our family will be mixed and family name will be ruined “ because his mom also looked like mixed african …she further said :

    “ people will laugh at us and talk bad about us that “ see which kind of person she married to “ and also that we ( my family )  always talked about  other family about this caste thing and now we are marrying them its disgrace etc . I then asked her “ why did you talk or critized about other people caste “ why did you guys discriminate and who told you to do ???”
    she had no answer and then she said bcz we dint know one day we will be marrying this caste ..

     

    it was very disappointing , heart breaking argument with my sis today .because she wants to me to find some one else and advised me to not marrying him just because of caste ..ignoring his all other good qualities ,about his character , responsible and how he treats and listens to me / care about me ..

     

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #386034
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear TeaK:

    How are you ?

    i read your last  post

    Perhaps this helps you decide

    yes it helped me understand the whole situation but i was still overthinking about all the situation.

     

    “So you might be seen as a rebel, “ungrateful” daughter (at least in the beginning, till they get used to it)? How much does it disturb you?”

    i hate to admit it but i always craved that love and attention from my family from Childhood ..i wanted to be a Good Sister and good Daughter so that i could be “Seen” , “heard” and paid attention to .i was very hungry for Love and being accepted .so i hope i could make my point why it effects me …

    Although I have matured enough, to realize by my own experiences that such superficial thing doesn’t matter, but still. yes, there is a part of me who wants to be a good Sister/ Daughter.

    I saw small changes on behalf of my sister about my Guy .she wanted to know his family, and it appeared to me a positive sign …i hope things get better without me going against them and being called a rebel.

    Peace

     

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #386032
    Peace
    Participant

    hello Anita,

    I was just thinking about you ..

    just wanted to ask:  how are you and how u doing ?

    Peace

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by Peace.
    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #383429
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita ,

    “Thank you for your kind words of appreciation.I hope that you continue to rest and that your thoughts get clearer and clearer, and your feelings- freer and freer from fears and worries.

    you are welcome 🙂 yah i am doing that and its helping me ..i m trying not to be obsessed much and take things lightly sometime ..

    Peace 🙂

     

     

     

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #383427
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    “just returned from holidays and feeling fine 🙂 ”   i hope you enjoyed your holidays ..

     

    “Do you think they might prevent you from finishing your education (e.g. stop financing it) if you get married without their approval?”

     

    No.they wont be able to stop me financially as i work part time  and manage my expenses myself . so i dont need to ask them .i dont Ask money from my family ,also because  i dont have good financial background there .

     

    “What’s the worst that can happen if they don’t approve?”

     

    the worst that can happen is that they can get  angry ,upset  and very disappointed ..As they would think i ruined the family name etc  because they scared “what will people say”?

     

     

    Peace

     

     

     

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 6 months ago by Peace.
Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 84 total)