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Dear Anita and Teak,
If after you pay your financial debt to your sister, she still tells people that “she has sacrificed a lot for me to support me and to send me abroad“- then show the people the evidence that you indeed paid her back all that you owe her.
even if I pay her debt but still i will be a villain in her eyes because I dint care for my family and dint feed their racist opinions which they are proud of for years and they have their pride in it that they are not of mixed race and its an insult to them .i have another sis who supported me but it feels like they don’t want me to marry to him bcz my sis told them “ppl laugh at them that I went to study and I got married to a lower class”..and she suggested me to first complete your study and get a job than talk to my elder sis about marriage …i got a bit convinced,I thought it seems fair I will complete my study and than i won’t accept any emotionally blackmailing from them..
but my husband said ,this is not the case ,they will always make this a problem and these are only excuses because they don’t like him …he even ready to pay their debts …but i don’t want him to do this ..i ll do it as i get my professional job..but it meant a lot to me to know he is so supportive 🙂
yesterday i got a voice msg frm my sis that she asked her teacher ( who tells about people future ) , I have no idea who this person is, told her that
“try to avoid this or you guys(my family) situation be like beggars at the end, this guy is not in her (my)destiny, God doesn’t want it .if they(me+my husband) force it then this marriage will not work out, he added starting 2 years will be great but after that everything will be messed up and their marriage will break in 6 years ”
i don’t understand it ….why will the situation of my family be like beggar by marrying my husband? i m already in his destiny and we are married btw …ya ..but my family doesnt know…
“It’s a pity she doesn’t see how hurtful her words are”
No, she was very confident that whatever she said was not wrong .inspite of feeling bad about what she said to my husband about me or how miserable I was feeling after reading her those messages .she blamed my husband that, he might have done a manipulated commentary in front of me and started calling him “ill-manner “to share the chat with me.
according to her, it was wrong of my husband to show their chats with me, not what she wrote in it…
and she again texted my husband, saying how ill-mannered he is to break privacy. and its “women habits ” and she started to guilt-trip him by saying, she used to complain about such things in front of my other brother in law but they never shared this with their husbands, but you (my husband) did…and how my husband damaged his reputation in front of her in just 24 hours.
my husband didn’t take it very well, he was very stressed. and he regretted showing me her texts.
I feel like she is facing some mental health issues. as she is not sorry for anything but starts to justify her actions…I don’t know
I ll reply if ur previews post tomorrow in the morning here
”Has she responded to that?”
ya she responded.she said she dint say anything wrong .and she keep asking “ what wrong did I say??” several times..
As u asked what I n studying.so I m studying (Medizinische Informatik) Medical IT it’s also known as Health care informatic.
it’s like 80 pro cent Informatics and 20 % medical .and I m more interested in IT side like doing programming stuff..
“your sister would not have a single valid reason to accuse you of misusing or mistreating your family in any way, shape or form, would she?”
i guess she would still tell me that I have defame family reputation etc .or that she has sacrificed a lot for me to support me to send me abroad as we are conservative family and that now people will laugh at us ..
there are things which has no logic but still our society to follow that
I dint ask from them nor they sent me apart from one time in corona situation,when my brother in law sent me money and I asked the reason of sending ..
and she dint have any reason .even at that time I dint ask him
- This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by Peace.
my family invested money when I was coming here after coming here I dint ask for money from last 5,5 years .I m working and financing myself .
i thought to study medicine but it wasn’t easy so I tried but couldn’t get a place ..
yes we are living together and yah he is working ..
Dear Teak and Anita,
i am feeling anxious and restless ..i want to just share here .i have no idea if i m making the right decision.
i talked to my family and told them i want to marry bcz i found the one ,as they were keep delaying in the name of investigation… this news went to my eldest sis and she contacted me and accusing me of blackmailing ,disturbing and torturing my family member .its about 2 days before .and she was so angry at me that she was saying i m a child ,emotional,i dont know about people etc..i dint take things so seriously ..she said i dont care for my family (all emotional stuff etc and that how much they sacrificed for me and that i dont care about them)
after some minutes she texted my husband on facebook (btw they dint know each other and nor they were friends in FB) she asked him to for sake of god ,he shouldnt be forcing me for marriage bcz i m torturing and blackmailing them and she put me down on those messages by saying i m very inconsistant (may be because i refused to a guy which they wanted me too) that how much she regrets to send me abroad for studies and sacrificing alot and how immature childish i m..and that she is so fed up of my childish behaviour and all ,how i made them emotional that i will study medicine and i couldnt become one atleast i could do physiotherapy but dint do that too ..how she thinks i never achieved anything here .i got all luxury from her ..my husband texted back that” she should be proud that i made it alone till here” ..she said why should she be proud of me as all i didnt even become physiotherapist if not doctor etc
she kept writing but there was nt single positive word from her…i couldnt stop my tears i couldnt sleep all night bcz these words were so hurtful .i kept weeping all night …and than in the morning i wrote her huge text that how ur words made me feel ,how much i was hurted to know ,how she thinks ,feel and represent me infront of anyone …
btw its very easy to become a physiotherapist here .that was no big deal but i dint want to be …
now i talk to my sis she said i should complete my degree than i should talk to her because she is afraid of her husband critism ..his husband is very toxic person and unfortunetly my sis is becoming one too ..and that she is afraid that ppl ll laugh at her that she sent her sis for studies and she got married there .
i dint want to talk to my family and invite this drama but my husband’s mom wanted to talk to my family and so my husband wants to fullfill his mom wish of celebrating our marriage …
and i talked to family and now so much disturbed..
i am thinking to talk to my husband to wait 1_1.5 years till i complete my studies and talk to them again …
because they really spent money on me …i dont know …i should pay them back and do wait..
i feel like i dragged my husband into this all mess..and i feel sorry for him…
looking some understanding .
i have talked ,fought but no one is supporting me at home and i m feeling drained out of sudden …
i dont really know how i really feel about him …i think about him sometimes and how he changed suddenly and i also think what if i made the right decision ,not to give him any chance when he came after 3 months of rejecting me ..
..because when i approched him and asked him if he interested now? he said he wants to focus on his study and doesnt want to be involve in anything …
i accepted and moved on …
i dont regret because i m with a wonderful person ,he cares for me ,loves me so much that i dont think anyone else could ever treat me like my husband does..he is very supportive ,listens to me when i say something…
i dont think so ,if my best friend would ever treated me like my husband does…
he wanted to send proposal when i was unavailiable .when i was already tired of waiting for him and any commitment from his side and at that time i was dating someone else .. i asked him to wait sometime before i make a decision so that i sort out things (without mentioning about my dating).
he was interested untill i was unavalible and than same pattern again.
thats true i felt too that he was confused ..
no he doesnt know i m married.nor i told my family about our marriage …
i have been asking them to talk to his mom because she wants to bring official proposal for us ..but they are just not ready to talk …they(my family) keep telling me that they are investigatiing from last 2 months ..but they were not ready to talk to his mom nor him …
Thank you so much .
“Does your family know about it? I am asking because it seems this male friend of yours is flirting with you again (after some months he started showing interest again (current)), “
ya I told my sis that he is flirting with me again and that how he turned out to be a very different person in the past (out of sudden) most probably because he found someone..
and my sis started to take his side ,she want to take anyone‘s side but not my husband simply because my society is full of racism… and my husband doesn’t match my family parameters..w
„Have I understood it right – that he is flirting with you again, in hope of marriage? Or he is not flirting, but showing interest in being friends again, after months of ignoring you and not talking to you? And you don’t trust him (rightfully) because he might not be honest with you but has ulterior motives, such as borrowing money from you?“
i think ya .. he is flirting with me again ,in hope for marriage .
i dont trust him because he was very interested before 2 years.we were best friends,he would flirt , talked nd teased me but he never asked for something official or even marriage so I guessed he must not be interested in me romantically, at that time as I went for a relationship than he told me „ how much he likes me „ and want to marry and he is waiting for me and that I should let him know when it doesn’t work out ..
Unfortunately The relationship dint work out. Than again this flirting went on ,teasing,talking all but nothing serious..
untill After months I got confused and someone asked me out in Germany..he was looking decent and of same culture.. i Started seeing him ,because I was tired of waiting for something serious from that“ best friend“ ..
As I was a bit busy with my full time job and my new guy .I was not interested in flirting with my
so again he told me how serious he is …
I will continue this..
“CONGRATULATIONS for getting married!!!”
thank you so much 🙂 🙂 🙂
how are you ? And how arr you doing? Any plans for Christmas?
i m so glad I ll have 2 weeks off from Uni finally..
No doubt he was right for me and is right for me .. I m glad I found him. I met him last December in a train coincidentally while talking to someone in my mother tongue ..
what a Coincidence!!!! Hahaha
Yes dear we are fully vaccinated .I took 2 dose of biotech and he took one shot and than got covid virus … but we are thinking of a booster shot ..
Dear Anita and Teak ,
i hope you both doing fine .. how is the situation of corona and it’s new variant there . sometimes it feels like it’s always gonna stay with us and each time with new variant..
returning to the question which I asked in my last post
“why is it so that sometimes we know that we took the right decision but suddenly we start to doubt ourselves and our Decisions ??”
actually it was a decision about a good friendship of mine ( my sisters were convincing me again nf again for him who I can’t trust or don’t wanna may be ,they tried to talk about him so much that I started to doubt the experience which I got from him ) who was showing all his interest in me and flirting ,being close to me after I helped him financially in corona situation and with his fees (am I fool that I wanna help people financially?? Should it be like that ?? ).he is my brother in law’s brother .he was like a best friend to me and purposed me and I asked for some time to think about it(as I was already messed up in another relationship which he dint know about) ..as I sorted things out and approached he acted like stranger ,totally ignoring me even wasn’t talking to me like a friend..I-was so complete it shock and felt betrayal .
i had this feeling that “ ok if he is not interested or currently dating that’s fine but at least he could be a friend to me “ because we were only friends for long time and nothing more and how come out of sudden he start ignoring his friends bcz he is dating someone..
after some months he started showing interest again( current )
so I was thinking what if I judged him wrongly.I started questioning my decision..
I will write more about my
bf( husband) after work ..we did Islamic marriage here and waiting for our documents .
you are right Teak .I read your post it touched me a lot about soothing my inner child .
i will write more after my shift .
- This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by Peace.
Dear Anita ,
i m good how about you ..it’s been a long time
since I last posted .I m going to reply you and Teak in next post .