Dear Olivia,

Good to read about your journey to wholeness and clarity and encouraging to read about your optimism about handling emotional distress. Your awareness has helped you get to some level of objectivity when it pertains to the most dominant influences in your life. As you progress, your clarity will reach a level where you can see the vulnerability and emotional suffering of your mother and friend with the understanding that it is their circumstances and influences in life that has led them to dealing with you in the way they are. You will realize with the whole of your being that,in no way is it your fault. At this level the alienation will potentially give way to even stronger relationships.

Like you, I too wonder where to put my faith. The search is on. With increasing awareness, I am able to focus more and more on the things that I can control. This awareness has also taught me that many things are out of my control. Yet despite being in that domain, things seem to somehow work out in a way that are favorable. For me currently that is what I think of as God.

Take care

Dear pineapplegirl,

It looks as if you have doubts about a relationship even before it has started due to previous experience. It is important to let go of the previous experience to the best possible, in a way that emotional scars from it do not affect the new one while at the same time learning from it.

You mentioned some of the restrictions that you have. Given those restrictions and your stated concerns about the current potential relationship, I would suggest you ask yourself if you are ready to go through this. Keep your mind open to all options.

Another out of the box suggestion is from my understanding of your previous post. I believe your parents agreed for the previous relationship despite social differences. So you can let them “choose” prospective grooms while you take your time with them before you give your stamp of approval.  Effectively trying to create a win win for both you and your parents.

Hope you are able to go forward in life without any regrets.

Take care

Dear Nienna,

From what you have written you are feeling bad about hurting, you also seem to be hurting from the regret that you have repeatedly expressed in the post about having taken a decision (to establish a relation with him) that you did not feel right about.These are reflected in your statements

I was always cautious and stayed away from him

While in the Uber he began talking to the driver who was a girl, and flirting and exchanged numbers with her in my presence. That was a major red flag I know now I should have seen and not ignored

He sounded odd, to be frank. He was driving and I heard someone whisper, to which he quietly responded “Yea”. It felt odd to me, as if he was hiding something.

There also seems to be some element of missing what you had and repeatedly trying to get the love, faith and trust that you were looking for.

From what you have written, this seems to be a man who is dealing with his own conflicts and someone who has issues with values of trust and commitment or in other words someone who hasn’t got his shit together. His repeated actions also reflect the same thing. He was never there to support you, rather he seemed to look only for his benefit.

So what you said to him was a reaction to all that you felt.

Stay away from him and try to move on. It will take time but you will heal.

Take care.

Dear Forevermaddy,

It is painful to let go a long term relationship with so much time and thoughts invested on the other person. Time is the most important aspect of healing. Take care of yourself, allow yourself time to grieve. Hope you are able to take the support of your loved ones in this process.

Seeing a good therapist will facilitate your process of healing. In the meantime take good care and be compassionate to yourself. Use the time to nourish and nurture yourself.

Dear V,

Looks like he needs a lot of contradictions within himself to be sorted out.

I believe you have been reasonable in preferring to live with him beforehand for valid reasons. In addition when you attended church you felt that it was doing something for him rather than for yourself – that situation is a breeding ground for resentment. further steps in that direction would have only caused further distress for you.

Any possibility of this working out relies on a foundation of mutual respect and understanding, not a situation where one has to do all the bending.

Take care.

Dear Olivia,

Good to read from you again.

Appreciate the insights that you share here. From what you have written, he has done a great job as a mentor. As a good mentor does, I am sure he also hopes that his protege will outshine him. Boundaries become very important more so in the profession that you have chosen. I am certain your self awareness and mindfulness will serve you well in recognizing the transference that you are likely to encounter.

Wish you progress in your journey. Hope to read more about it as you learn and grow.

Take care

Dear Connie,

I read through a few of your previous posts. Coming out of a relationship, it is normal to think like that.

You are doing the right things – focusing on yourself, involvement in activities, meeting and making new friends. Still early days. Quite likely that you are likely to meet someone in the near future.

Keep healing. Keep your heart open.

Take care

Dear Katie,

I have read some of your previous posts. The thoughtfulness that you express in them is very impressive. You are right in your desire to support him but it is probably better if you can also seek professional help for your brother.

Problems that are deep rooted require time, effort and expertise to be sorted out. How does your brother see you? How willing is he to take your support? Does he have the realization that you seem to have?

These are the questions that will probably help you in understanding your role in his recovery.