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  • #63782
    gen
    Participant

    Ashlie – you want to be a mother….start reparenting the child within. Be a mom to the little gal inside you that is clearly missing nurturing support.

    How to start with this? Realize you are not alone. Take these ponderings one day at a time so as not to stymie yourself by shaming yourself into a corner with no escape. How can one grow strong and fearless to go after her desires if she is in a corner hating herself?

    Before you can be a mother and wife – you have got to help this broken kid inside you merge with the adult you have become. You can do it – and it takes work – but what else have you got to do that is more important? Giving up is not the thing that is more important..its time to stand up for yourself and go after what you want. Celebrate you as you are and not as the enemy. You are preventing yourself from hearing the inner child in rational way.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by gen.
    #63781
    gen
    Participant

    Your job does not define you – but it pays the bills. Who you are is more about your hobbies, character, beliefs, and self truth.

    ADs – decision making – might be tough for a bit but a distraction may be helpful for you considering what you have been dealing with.

    Your mind and heart will heal. Try not to project or control the outcome of things – we have no way of knowing what life holds for us. We just do our best and try not to steer the bull so much.

    You will know when you have had enough and what to do when the time comes. Don’t make quick permanent decisions right now until you have some solid healing underway. Let things settle as long as it takes and cut yourself some slack.

    Take it one day at a time.

    #63780
    gen
    Participant

    It sounds as though recovery is unfolding in front of you. At first it may be frightening as you sort through the feelings that no longer are hazy from self medication.

    Is there a chance you are ACOA as well?

    #63779
    gen
    Participant

    Honey – your mom is only here a short time. PLEASE let go and let the spirit into your heart to heal you as your mother goes on this next journey. It is the gift you give yourself, your baby and your mother. She is terrified I am sure – and is losing her life to a devastating illness. The hardest part as they become more ill is the loss of autonomy. Let yourself say yes to her as much as you can while letting any anger go. You are young and resilient. Your mom is not either now.

    There before the grace of God go I.

    You need help – and your mom is afraid to pass on and be separated from you. My own sis went through this before she died young last yr. We never regret graciousness from the heart when it comes from the heart.

    #63775
    gen
    Participant

    It sounds like abandonment has played a part in your life.

    This is exactly what happened to me and i completely understand your post.

    #63773
    gen
    Participant

    I feel the reality of the American Dream has long since changed on all levels from our economic crisis down to the family breaking down.

    I don’t know if you have looked around your life now and how it has changed since you were 18 – but I have and always amazed at how sheltered and lack of life experiences I had – and managed to stay alive.

    I am old and have been looking for work since the eco collapse, the demise of my business and my marriage in 2008. My family hates me and I was just informed that the first REAL job (interview) I have had since 08 is now moved to PT basis. It is 3 hours from me by car and I was terrified but HAD to interview and start over…it was advertised as a FT position. The super called me the day before I was set to leave to interview to inform me of this. So now – nothing but more apps.

    I live w my elderly parents in the basement and it is not where I thought I would be in life. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad is always enabling her.

    All I know is that money is a necessary evil and life goes on with or without bills.

    Like you, I have lost those excited hopes…sad about our country…and debt.

    I have learned to live minute to minute appreciating what I can for as long as I can. Living – in the moment.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by gen.
    #63769
    gen
    Participant

    Smoking is not your root problem it seems – but a coping mech you became addicted to. Start out one day at a time by attending a 12 step cessation program.

    Where are you hormonally? Are you younger – older – etc. Hormones create a disturbance for many a people. I had pmdd and then severe perimenopause for yrs.

    Your living situation is stressful. If you attend a CODA (codapendent) no more 12 step it may help as well. Your fam is very dependent on you – and it is destroying your quality of life. If you can get to some meetings, it will help you to get back to a rational, enjoyable life. But you have to attend regularly and work the program.

    Do any programs exist (Wounded Warior) in your line of service to help you adjust?

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by gen.
    #63765
    gen
    Participant

    It sounds like separation anxiety.

    It can become very intense and debilitating without help.

    Please seek guidance from qualified person.

    Is there any chance you have abandonment issues from a family member being a substance abuser in your past?

    #63763
    gen
    Participant

    Dia
    Hold on tight – perimenopause is a process that begins well before menopause and many are shocked to learn of the testing of strength to get through it.

    I am annoyed by jokes made by those who have not experienced these hormonal shifts at the expense of the sufferer. The symptoms are vast, numerous and frightening at times.

    Join a forum such as menopause chit chat for more sisterhood talk that will help you navigate this life changing event.

    You will find many women who also face challenges such as yours – being caregivers and losing a parent or both as mid life is usually when many experience this.

    It is also a time when we re evaluate ourselves and surrounding, thinking about the meaning of life and the human experience. Now that your mum has become part of a larger and magnificent force of light, you find yourself focused on the person you set aside while being a caregiver: YOU. It can be scary to wake up and see you need care as well. Getting the weeds out and sorting through the piled up years can be overwhelming.

    Google Claire Weeks anxiety help and meditate. Many groups can be found on meet up dot com.

    It is time to rediscover and face you now that your attention is not on mum now.

    My sibling passed away a bit over a yr ago and my GAD and panic attacks plus peri etc., put me in a similar mindset.

    Look for you on the other forum.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)