Ashlie – you want to be a mother….start reparenting the child within. Be a mom to the little gal inside you that is clearly missing nurturing support.

How to start with this? Realize you are not alone. Take these ponderings one day at a time so as not to stymie yourself by shaming yourself into a corner with no escape. How can one grow strong and fearless to go after her desires if she is in a corner hating herself?

Before you can be a mother and wife – you have got to help this broken kid inside you merge with the adult you have become. You can do it – and it takes work – but what else have you got to do that is more important? Giving up is not the thing that is more important..its time to stand up for yourself and go after what you want. Celebrate you as you are and not as the enemy. You are preventing yourself from hearing the inner child in rational way.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by gen.

It sounds as though recovery is unfolding in front of you. At first it may be frightening as you sort through the feelings that no longer are hazy from self medication.

Is there a chance you are ACOA as well?

It sounds like abandonment has played a part in your life.

This is exactly what happened to me and i completely understand your post.

Smoking is not your root problem it seems – but a coping mech you became addicted to. Start out one day at a time by attending a 12 step cessation program.

Where are you hormonally? Are you younger – older – etc. Hormones create a disturbance for many a people. I had pmdd and then severe perimenopause for yrs.

Your living situation is stressful. If you attend a CODA (codapendent) no more 12 step it may help as well. Your fam is very dependent on you – and it is destroying your quality of life. If you can get to some meetings, it will help you to get back to a rational, enjoyable life. But you have to attend regularly and work the program.

Do any programs exist (Wounded Warior) in your line of service to help you adjust?

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by gen.

Dia
Hold on tight – perimenopause is a process that begins well before menopause and many are shocked to learn of the testing of strength to get through it.

I am annoyed by jokes made by those who have not experienced these hormonal shifts at the expense of the sufferer. The symptoms are vast, numerous and frightening at times.

Join a forum such as menopause chit chat for more sisterhood talk that will help you navigate this life changing event.

You will find many women who also face challenges such as yours – being caregivers and losing a parent or both as mid life is usually when many experience this.

It is also a time when we re evaluate ourselves and surrounding, thinking about the meaning of life and the human experience. Now that your mum has become part of a larger and magnificent force of light, you find yourself focused on the person you set aside while being a caregiver: YOU. It can be scary to wake up and see you need care as well. Getting the weeds out and sorting through the piled up years can be overwhelming.

Google Claire Weeks anxiety help and meditate. Many groups can be found on meet up dot com.

It is time to rediscover and face you now that your attention is not on mum now.

My sibling passed away a bit over a yr ago and my GAD and panic attacks plus peri etc., put me in a similar mindset.

Look for you on the other forum.