Naming the problem is a good first step. However often we wish to fix something and that’s as far as it goes.

Do you want to do the work to address your shyness? Be honest with yourself. Romantic relationship as the Buddha noted opens the door to chaos… of course chaos opens the door to wonders.

“All the most powerful emotions come from chaos -fear,anger,love- especially love.” ― Kirsten Miller

“You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.”  ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

I don’t see the epilepsy as a problem, you have learned to deal with it and anyone who you give a chance to know you will see that. The shyness on the other hand is a problem. As a shy person my self I was surprised to learn that others experience my shyness as arrogance. To protect ourselves we have learned to accommodate our shyness but from a observer lit can look like arrogance

– You don’t start conversations because you’re scared of being rejected. But some people confuse this with being unfriendly.
– You feel extremely self-conscious so you spend a lot of time and energy on your appearance. But other people confuse this with being vain.
– You can’t look someone in the eye because you’re too shy. But some people confuse this as a lack of interest.
– You give short responses because you’re anxious. But some people confuse this with thinking they are “not worthy” of your time.
-nYou adopt a defensive or “stay away” body language because you feel self-conscious. But other people confuse this with rudeness.

You can see how quickly things can go array for the shy… most of who would use such experience to reinforce their shyness. better to remain alone (how many times have you told yourself that?) I recommend finding a life coach or therapist to help overcoming you shyness and practice techniques with.

Overcoming Shyness: How to Feel More Confident

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Peter.

We all have issues when it comes to creating relationship and sometimes those issue feed off each other and ‘push each others buttons’.

One of the purposes of relationships is to create a safe environment in which to work out those issues so that each person can grow.  Being mindful, becoming the master of our stories and good communicators helps however sadly this takes time to develop… and usually don’t learn until a painful breakup. Life demands growth and if the relationship has become negative Love will require a relationship to end – the pain creating the space to do the work.

You want her back but don’t want her back. The probability is that what you want back, and the source of the pain, is the future that you imagined. A  realization that you could not make the imagined future happen. You also probably miss the sex.

“The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.”― Søren Kierkegaard

I recommend the book by David Richo – How to Be an Adult in Relationships – as a helpful guide

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Peter.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Peter.

Sorry to hear your still struggling with coming to terms with your experience with religion.  It is ok to reject what you have been taught without having to hold on the anger and disappointment. I apologise if I misread the feeling behind your post.

If your open to the study of language as symbols you might find that fairy tails have a great deal of wisdom. For example, the story of Cinderella changes from a story about being rescued by a prince to a story on how to work through depression.

Mindfulness allows me to notice that my thoughts don’t always determine how I act. Though I may be afraid I often act with courage in the face of that fear.  Mindfulness reveals that who ever ‘I’ am my thoughts and actions don’t necessary define me.  This creates the space where I might observe (detached) my thoughts and actions and more often then not come to a realisation that my fear is False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.).

Mindfulness reveals that Everyone, EVERYONE struggles with this fear of ‘being found out’ and fake. (Does that shock you?)  But that it is almost always false evidence, we aren’t being fake were working on our becoming, when we are trying we are doing. This realisation opens the door to compassion for ourselves and others.

You F.E.A.R. That you look like someone who doesn’t have their act together. (look like implies you know as some level that this issue is about perception and not reality) No matter how many people tell you that you look like someone who has it together you won’t believe them because you have decided that you are your thoughts.

As our thoughts are constantly changing this must be overwhelming and begs the question which thought are you?  The tendency is to pick the most negative which allows you to create what you Fear and make the false evidence real.

The good news is that if we create what we fear mindfulness allows us to create what we hope for.

If your authentic intention is to create strong relationships and not sabotage them by creating conditions that reinforce your negative thinking you might start to work on becoming more skillful and compassionate with your thoughts.

At seven it is unlikely there was any intent behind your brother’s actions and at 12 on the cusp of puberty little chance that you understood what was happening.

Now seven years latter you remember the experience and are judging your past self based on what you have learned since then about such behaviour.

One of the problems of memory is that it does not see clearly. When we bring up a memory we might picture specifics moments of the event but not what we were thinking and ‘knew’ at the time. We tend to fill in the gaps by projecting our present thinking and feelings into the past event which often messes us up.

Its important work to understand how our past might be influencing our present and apart of that is to understand how or present might be coloring our past.

The emotion we call regret is often identified as the least helpful I think because tends to lead to stuckness as we become fixated on an experience we cannot change and instead of compassion and learning from it (make amends if we were wrong, work to forgive if we where wronged) we beat ourselves up over and over and over.

In the current social climate of the ‘Me To’ and ‘Times Up’ movement it is understandable that such a memory might come up. I suspect many Men and Woman who desire real change in this area are also reflecting on past moments when they didn’t know better and feel shame and regret.  Some might experience a memory of regret/shame for not coming forward and speaking out in a moment of harassment. For others it might be regret for what they now understand was and is inappropriate actions. Perhaps a bit of both. It becomes complex. I suspect most people have memories of both.

Its interesting but one of the concerns Gautama had about teaching the path was that he knew some students would turn the process into rules that would become another ‘thing’ to attach the ego to.

The Buddha told a story of a group of people needing to cross a river.  The group builds a raft and crosses successfully. The Buddha asks the students what the group of people should do with the raft now that they are across. Do they strap the raft onto their backs and carry it around with them forever or do they leave it behind as they continue to go forth?

As you travel remember that the map is not the territory it is a guide that may and may not at times prove helpful. A teaching that works for crossing one river may not be the teaching to get one across all rivers. There will come a point where all teachings fall to the way side and we you discover your own way. This is a point were true liberation occurs the embrace of doubt and uncertainty and the freedom that unlocks.

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” ~Winston Churchill

Why We Worry About What Other People Think of Us (And How to Stop)

Interestingly one of the physiological purpose of relationships is to heal the past so each person in the relationship can individuate. Become the best version of themselves. We subconsciously tend to pick partners that will recreate or simulate past experiences to give us a chance to heal them.

A woman who is angry at men might pick a partner she can project that anger on with the subconscious hope that the partners Love will reveal the projection for what it is  which creates the chance for her to integrate her shadow – taking ownership of what belongs to her and letting of the stuff that doesn’t and doing so heal the past.

The danger of course is ending up in a co-dependent relationship where each person fears and hurts end up feeding the others fears and hurts. Instead of healing the issues become even more entrenched.

I think that if two people are conscious of this process they might be less likely to panic when the ‘past comes out to play’