fbpx
Menu

Sarah

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #197093
    Sarah
    Participant

    Thanks, Anita. I’m sure you’re right. I was tempted to ask him to get together, but that’s probably not a great idea.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #197031
    Sarah
    Participant

    So, he texted me out of nowhere the other night. He said “Hey I hope you’re doing well.” I replied “I am, thanks! Hope all’s good with you too.” He said that he saw something that reminded him of me (an inside joke) and we exchanged a few texts before he stopped replying.

    I’m confused as to why he would reach out when we haven’t had any contact since he ended things. I still think about him and miss him sometimes, but was definitely moving on. Then, when I saw the text I thought that maybe he’d want to get back together or something. I guess that’s not the case, so I’m just kind wondering.. what’s the point of reaching out?

    I’m just kind of venting and could use some outside perspective.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #188857
    Sarah
    Participant

    Thanks, Jon. My long term relationship was 6 years. I cared for him a lot but did not see a future together. We had grown apart and I wasn’t happy. I was not interested in being in a relationship, but a few months after that ended I started casually seeing another man. I was not very attached for the first few months, but eventually I fell for him. He told me that he loved me but was not ready to be serious with anyone. I (stupidly) kept seeing him for about a year. Then, he ghosted me – no argument, no goodbye, nothing.

    After that I jumped into another 4 month long relationship. This man was very kind but we had nothing in common and I ended things. Then, I had about three shorter term “relationships”. They were each 4-8 weeks. Two of them broke up with me with an explanation (see above) and one ghosted me. This last one has hit me very hard, I really thought that I had found someone I could see a future with, but he did not feel the same way.

    I don’t like dating very much because of my sensitive nature. I hate hurting other people’s feelings and I get hurt very easily. I want to be in a serious relationship. To me, that means spending quality time together, confiding in each other, trusting each other and eventually taking “next steps” like living together, getting married, etc.

    I’ve decided to take a dating break for the next few months then reevaluate. The anxiety I felt with this last relationship made me absolutely miserable. The weekend that he was at the wedding and I didn’t hear from him I literally felt paralyzed. I couldn’t go out with my friends, run errands, etc. I never want to feel like that again.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #188747
    Sarah
    Participant

    Honestly, thank you all so much for your replies and support. It’s been hard to talk about this with my friends since it was such a short relationship, I don’t think they’d understand.

    Mark – That article that you posted was so accurate and helpful. I really wish that I had read it sooner. Do you have any other reading suggestions on this topic?

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #188571
    Sarah
    Participant

    Thanks for the new replies. Its been a few weeks and I’m still really upset. I keep ruminating on all of the things I should have done differently to “keep” him. Any advice on that?

    Mark – There have only been two cases where I was given an explanation for the man leaving. The other times they’ve “ghosted” me, or I decided to end things. For these two times, however, it was because I let my emotions get the best of me. As someone said on page 1, I tend to act cool at first, then kind of “blow up” with emotion. I’m usually attracted to very laid back, outgoing and charismatic guys. I’m the opposite of that.

     

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #187367
    Sarah
    Participant

    Yes, he clearly was not interested anymore. Everything was so great until it suddenly wasn’t. I just cant stop thinking about all of the great things he said to me, and then how he ended it so coldly. Dating is so confusing.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #187183
    Sarah
    Participant

    I’m sure you’re right, and I will refrain from reaching out to him.

    I can’t help but get discouraged, though. I have been dating consistently for years (after a long term relationship ended), and I feel like I keep driving men away. Everything always starts so great in the beginning, but then I feel like I do something to mess it up. I’ve tried to learn from my mistakes, but it seems that I just keep repeating them. I’m exhausted.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #187051
    Sarah
    Participant

    Thanks, Anita. I don’t think that I  communicated that I did not want to see him again. We had a pattern of seeing each other 2-3 times a week, and almost always had plans at least one day out of the weekend. Whenever he would ask me out, I almost always said yes (and if not, I would offer another day that worked for me).

    When we first starting dating, he would ask a few days in advance for a date. The past few weeks, though, he started asking last minute. This made me feel anxious and I never knew when we would see each other again. I probably should have communicated that to him.

    I think that you have a valid point regarding trying to play it “cool” at the beginning of relationships. I don’t want to come off as too needy, so if something bothers me I kind of bottle it up until something (seemingly) small sets me off. On one hand, I can see how this can be confusing. However, I can’t help but think that my gut was telling me something and when he did not make plans to see me Friday it really went off. I felt as though he had lost interest, and his tone with me Sunday kind of affirmed that. He did not seem sad to end things at all. He almost sounded annoyed that he even had to call me.

    Of course, now my mind is in overdrive trying to figure our how to “fix” this, even though I know he is done. I want to text him so badly today, but deep down I know that would not help anything.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #187013
    Sarah
    Participant

    Thanks, everyone!

    Anita – I’m sure that the argument on Friday was compounded by the anxiety I had been feeling the past week. It was a pretty long conversation, so I’ll try to include everything I can remember in case it is relevant:

    As I said, we had seen each other Tuesday, but had no plans for the weekend. I had told him that I would be out of town Saturday, so I was hoping that he would make plans for Friday night. We had been texting back and forth all day Friday. He had not asked to see me, so I made plans with friends. Finally, I  asked him what he was doing that night. He told me that he was getting dinner with some friends then grabbing some drinks (I have met his friends multiple times and had gone out with them before). I felt hurt that he didn’t invite me and that he was not prioritizing spending time with me, so I sent him a passive aggressive text (I know that was a bad idea). It read: “Ok, have a good night. Bye.”

    He called me and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was really hoping to see him that weekend, and that I was disappointed that he did not make plans. He responded that he didn’t know that I wanted to see him that night, and asked me if I wanted to go with him to dinner. I said that I already had plans, so he said something like, “then why are you even mad?” He told me that he didn’t think that it was a big deal that he was going out with his friends and that he had assumed that he would see me at some point that weekend. I told him that it would have been nice if he had tried to make plans with me, and that it made me nervous when I didn’t know when we would see each other again. He said that he thinks that I am taking out my past relationship on him (I previously told him that I had been ghosted by a man I had dated for a year). He then told me that I was stressing him out and that he should not be stressed this early in a relationship. I apologized for the passive aggressive text, but he seemed very irritated. I asked him if he still wanted to see me, and he said that he wasn’t sure and that he was going to think about it.

    Sunday when he called me he still sounded irritated. He simply said, “I can’t do this.” I said, “I really care about you. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about things and give it another chance?” That’s when he said that he just wasn’t ready for something serious at all. I said “I understand. I had fun with you and I’ll miss you.” He said “I know.” That’s how we left it.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #186971
    Sarah
    Participant

    Well, I guess I was not overthinking. We spent last Tuesday night together, and I thought that we had a really great time. Then, Friday night, we got into an argument. He ended up breaking up with me on Sunday. He told me that he couldn’t do this anymore and that he did not think  he wanted something serious after all. I’m not surprised, but I’m pretty upset. We had both said that we were looking for serious relationships, so he was lying to me at one point (either when he said he wanted a serious relationship or when he was ending things). I kind of feel like I was tricked – He told me how much he liked me and cared about me, but when we talked on Sunday he could not have cared less. The phone call was under a minute.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #185727
    Sarah
    Participant

    Hi Anita – Yes, he contacted me yesterday and we made plans to get dinner tonight. I am not sure if I should bring up his lack of contact this week, or just wait and see how he acts in person.

    Also…

    On our second date, we talked about past relationships and what we were looking for. I stated that I wanted to be in a serious relationship with the right person, and he said that he did too. I believe that he meant it, but the problem now is if he feels that I’m the “right person”.

    Also, if his cooling off has to do with deleting the app, I am confused as to why he wouldn’t have just ended it with me, you know? I asked him if he wanted to date other people, and he said no. I did not want to pressure him if he was not ready for that step, but obviously I would not have stuck around if he wanted to continue dating.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #185649
    Sarah
    Participant

    Anita – I can see how those comments come off as shallow, but I’ve always felt that the beginning of the relationship should be a lot of fun. We’ve had a couple deep conversations (we both have had family members suffer with addiction) and he commented on how great it was to find someone who could understand.

    Natalie – Thanks for commenting! I’ve considered that, but then I feel like I’ll still be confused, even if he says yes. He could just be too “nice” to shoot me down, or he could just want to keep his options open. In the past when he’s wanted to see me he’s been very forward about it, so I’m not sure why that would have changed. I was hoping that I would prompt him to make plans, but I guess not.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #185639
    Sarah
    Participant

    I understand what you’re saying, it’s just so hard to relate to. I hate online dating, and really want to be done with it!

    To answer you question he’s made a lot of comments about my personality – saying that I’m fun and funny and he loves hanging out with me. I thought that we were very compatible there as we always have a really good time together. He also compliments my looks a lot, calling me “pretty” and “beautiful” pretty much every time we talk.

    Also, we spent Christmas Eve together. He kept saying how happy he was that I came over and that he wanted to spend the holidays with me. It probably isn’t relevant, but it just makes everything so much more confusing.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #185625
    Sarah
    Participant

    Thanks, Anita. I’m at work and have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible, but now I’m starting to fixate on this (this is around the time he would normally text me, but nothing). I have plans for after work, but I have a few hours to go until then…

    So, we met about two months ago via a dating app. Our first date was amazing – he texted me that night saying that it was the best first date he’s been on. Since then, we’ve been talking everyday and seeing each other every couple of days. He’s repeatedly told me how much he likes me and how he is ready for a serious relationship. He initiates most of our conversations and dates, which I prefer. Up until last week, I thought that everything was going perfectly.

    I’m wondering if the issue has to do with this: About two weeks ago we were together when his phone went off. I glanced down (thinking it was mine) and I saw that he had a notification from a dating app. I was very upset, and later brought it up with him. He said that he did not use the dating app anymore and that he would delete it, and that made me feel a lot better. We did not discuss it in much more detail, but he’s been acting strange since then. Maybe its a coincidence, maybe he regrets deleting the app, or he’s still seeing other people and feeling guilty?

    I don’t know what to think and my mind is really going crazy with all of the possibilities.

    in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #185615
    Sarah
    Participant

    Yeah, I know that I should wait for him to contact me today. I told myself I would do the same thing yesterday, but I got so anxious I ended up texting him. I’m assuming the worse, but I really hope I’m wrong.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)