Tex—thank you—I wish you well also.
Seaisland

On Sept 23–you actually took a moment to ask anita if u really came across as that hostile…sounded like for a brief second it sunk in that—u actually cared what she thought, I almost thought u were going to “get it” u have in my opinion-taken advantage of countless hours she has spent counseling and thinking about your problems. You do not even thank her for her time—do you realize how long your post on “scratching” was. You seem to value your time and energy so much….do u value the time or opinion of anyone u ask for help from?
Geez–get a clue if u are that smart–look at the post, see that person took the time to try to help you—did u even notice how many times it was anitas name. and I am sorry anita–I know u don’t expect anyone to invade your space and u can handle yourself–but I saw small then glaring signals u were trying to tell him–he wasn’t paying any attention to your time.
I am thru–I have been reading for months-and finally had to say something.

Please, please ask YOURSELF what YOU want–to be with him or not.

you know yourself—you don’t know jack about what he is doing or why. What qualities does he have that would make you hang in there. I think you are better than this-deserve better than this–will be stronger happier without this.

What do YOU think about the way you are being treated?

Be gentle with yourself, he is not being gentle with you or being there for you.
please take care and be strong.

Seaisland

DITTO !!!! !

So happy to hear you are continuing to move in a positive direction. That a family member and a trained professional are now giving you good advice, that thru your aunt you can get more legal advice.

So proud of both you and Anita. She can feel like family too.(favorite dependable family)

I have thought of you often and am so glad you updated–altho I only wrote you once, I read the exchange you and Anita were having.

Continued best wishes

Seaisland

Key phrases that make me concerned–you are BEGINNING therapy. Therapy may take a while–definitely if you are pouring your heart out you are going to feel raw. I just had my first therapy without shedding any tears within last month–after 2 years. I felt better and better I learned more and more but for me crying and hurting in a safe place was so healing. I have empathy for what you are going thru. Please be patient with yourself and your journey

You are just learning how to communicate with a trained therapist–your FRIENDS are not trained–telling them what is going on with you and your therapist may be a big mistake, not surprising they aren’t telling you or acting in a way that is positive for your growth.

Maybe next therapy appointment you could tell your therapist what you said here and see what she/he says. Maybe a support group would be suggested…Or maybe not. You and your friends cant fix each other right now. You need to take care of you. Your friends who have it together but don’t support you, may not be able to extend the time and energy you need and still “keep it together”. Your unhappy friends sure cant be sounding boards and give you good advice.

You are not going to figure it all out yet– this site may help you, but take away what helps not what doesn’t. I have gotten great advice. I have also applied advice given to others to myself–other times I have totally known it wasn’t good advice for me. There are some nice people here–there are some confused people here. (I can be both–but my intent is sincere LOL )
Be kind to yourself–give it time

Hugs
Seaisland

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Seaisland.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Seaisland.

Do you know her name or just what she looks like from the profile?

I am wondering how the co -workers around her are going to react to this and how it would effect the workplace/her employment. If there is no name on the flowers, etc.

I would buy a nice but not overly emotional card with a plain white envelope—write something like–“I would love a chance to get to know you, if you would like to know who I am and ask me questions (so you know I am not a stalker) call me at 122222222. ( I would not give my work #). If I do not hear from you I will not attempt to contact you again. You seem to be a lovely person but I want you to feel comfortable and safe.”

You need to not embarrass her–or yourself by saying or demonstrating to much—-put the ball in her court, let her follow up.

I am also wondering if instead on the card…. you could write your profile name and ask her to match on the app. Again say if she doesn’t you will not contact her again—you just want to give ships passing in the night a second chance.

(ps I personally like my second suggestion better)

Seaisland

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Seaisland.

You brought up how comfortable you were with guns. The biggest mass shooting in the USA was over the weekend. I automatically shuddered and was uncomfortable. I read your post hours ago–but didn’t want to respond.
Now I am because maybe you sincerely need to know– for me–that was a downer–. These are scary times we live in.

M–I am concerned, 3 years is a pretty long time. You see he and his family as arrogant. Your Mom taught you better values. You sound like a kind likable empathetic person.

If you look ahead and think about having a family with him-what conflicts do you see with raising children…. would you be comfortable with him being the father of your children and raising them with you. This personality trait of his could be a lot more than annoying when your children look to you both for guidance.

Be good to yourself.
best of luck

Seaisland