Forum Replies Created
I liked reading this post of yours and I’d have to agree dawn is a most beautiful time of the day.
My favorite times of the day are early morning and late afternoon especially when I go for walks in nature also because its ‘cooler’, the ‘color’and the lighting castes lovely shadows and beams.
Do you have a favorite place you like to enjoy dawn?
I hope you have a very nice day 🙂
A black unicorn …
Of course the days of internet trollers also come to mind:)
Have a nice day 🙂
It’s always a good thing to learn and grow and it’s great to see you reaching out for some feedback here 🙂
Perhaps though I may find it easier if I had a little bit more information?
It sounds like you are school age as you mentioned ‘recess’ is this right?
Often when we want to improve a situation a good way is to develop a curiosity about it…curiosity is open and friendly it likes to learn and help you grow…. Maybe you might start by coming up a quick list of things that are your best personality traits and some things you could improve on, what would be on that list?
Than go though that list eg ‘I get angry easily’ or ‘I’m shy’ you could than look up ‘Help Articles’ on suggestion on improving these areas in your life. (With time and effort changes do take place, when one really wants it to happen ok:)
Do you have some people, perhaps not family, that you could ask these questions?…but only if you know these people enough and are comfortable enough to ask. You could mention you read about it on a self improvement site:)…be open and thank them for their feedback! 😀
Perhaps you could also ask yourself if you sometimes might make assumptions? (many people do) Assumptions can sometimes close ourselves off from the truth…an example of an assumption might be ‘people only want to be in a relationship with good looking people’ but when we develop a curiosity about that, our thinking is freed and we are able to come up with long list of beautiful reasons why everyone deserves to be loved.
Learning and growing as a person is a life long hobby, I wish you well 🙂
- This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Snails.
Sounds like you’re developing a couple of phobias?
There’s heaps of great information on the web on suggestions on overcoming phobias so may I say this instead… perhaps also ask yourself the question on why your fear is getting more and more at present? Could there be another contributing factor/s that’s making your fears increase? Perhaps it’s just something simple like not addressing your fear of the insects (and rats) earlier so the fear has had time to build up and train your brain to fear more but I’d also like you to consider…How do you like your place overall? as sometimes when we are stressed that anxiety might come out somewhere else…are you happy with how everything else is in your life?.
And also because you mentioned you live in an apartment in the basement just a couple of other things to consider …are you getting to spend a little time in the sunshine each day?(hormonal imbalances may lead to anxieties too)… and if it was me I’d also check out how many bars you have on your mobile phone (less bars = more Electromagnetic radiation) as it may have to work harder to get signals out from a basement location…. sorry about that 🙂 ..I’ve read to many articles on Electromagnetic radiation and it’s links on increasing anxiety in some people…maybe ‘occupational health and safety’ issues is a phobia of mine ! xD
I would be feeling very sad too, like you are, if this happened to me… big hugs to you.
It’s a very hurtful thing when someone we care about has another girlfriend when with you. Than lying about it, than finially admitting maybe!.
If I understand this right?… when you were pregnate he didn’t want you to have the baby? and it sounds like he was pressuring you abit to stop the pregnancy as he also said at that time he would stay with you forever? Did I get that right?
And now he’s told you that he’s going to stay away from you! ?
I’m sorry to say this but he doesn’t sound like a very nice man. You deserve a kind, trustworthy person in you life, not someone who cheats and lies.
I hope you will write back and let us know how things are going for you.
I knew perhaps a similar frustration? when I moved back home for a little while after Uni … it also sounds like atm you are financially stuck there? and if it’s not a good option to get a part time job to afford to rent a room while you finish getting your teaching certificate maybe you could focus on the thought that your course finishes in August..time will pass and those 7 months will soon be here. Keep focusing on making those lists and plans, what countries would you like to teach English?, which ones would offer more opportunities for you? etc research and plan:) This will give you something to look fore ward too and aim for. Try to be kind to yourself in the mean time, do thing that you enjoy, take yourself for nice walks or whatever you can do for relaxation when you’ve time.
People can be controlling or make unwelcomed suggestions..I’m not sure which is your situation? If it’s unwelcome suggestions? but you are living in a friendly an open environment perhaps use it as a learning opportunely for both you and your family/parents to communicate in a calm way your wishes and dreams and reassure them you’re putting in a lot of time and effort into your plans for the future. Sometimes parents may overdo it because they care, reassure them you are 24 years old capable and strong enough to handle what life throws at you. When they see that you’re happy overseas and have employment hopefully they will calm:)
On the other hand if they are overly controlling? perhaps ‘thank’ them for that suggestion etc .. consider within yourself quietly if you ‘agree’ or ‘disagree’ and let the words of the person just slide away..focus on the thought that maybe they do this with kindness in their heart for you but it is being expressed in an awkward way and the suggestion wasn’t wanted in the first place, as it’s ultimately your life and your decisions.
I wonder if you contribute financially to your household for room and board? or at least work it off with house/yard work? If not ? maybe you could also bring this up and discus… it might help with feeling a little more independent while finishing off your studies?
Jerris if traveling and teaching English is what you really would like to do that is your decision. No one is better or worst than you, and you know your heart and your wishes the best. People can plan and aim for things in life but nobody knows what will happen in the future we can only do the best we are able at that period. Fear is a “feeling” only, it’s there to remind us to ‘watch out’ or ‘be careful’ but if you want to do something (which is not going to harm you or others) and have prepared as best as you can than, accept that you have this feeling, remind yourself that it is not a ‘saber toothed tiger you are hunting, your life is in no danger but thank you very much there fear ‘ you want to travel and teach abroad and push through on your path.
and People talk… people talk if you fail, people talk if you succeed may the gods bless them… 🙂 Both failing and succeeding make up a happy and content life, when you learn and grow from it.
Best wishes 🙂
lifetake2 maybe one day you might like talk about your experiences here? Best wishes and hugs
Perhaps you could try to do some type of volunteer work for an environmental organisation?
This would help you gain some hand’s on experience (and you would be able to learn a lot from others on the best ways to maybe gain employment there eventually, as well as what areas of work you’d suit the most) I don’t know what places you could try in Canada but WWF (World Wide Fund for nature) and Greenpeace would most likely be there? Best wishes with everything! 🙂
Have you tried getting away from everything for a short time (more than 3-4 nights) , to see if it’s something in your environment that your body can’t tolerate anymore since the acne medication?
Maybe try a camping trip with a friend in a well used tent (or buy a cheap second hand tent – so not so much off-gassing). Maybe try to find somewhere that’s isolated (but safe to camp) with very bad mobile coverage (keep the phone off for emergencies only and if there’s other campers around set the tent as far away as possible), no tv or radio towers. Eat only healthy whole foods, ditch the deodorant and body products. I don’t want to over do it but some people, who’s body is now so run down can’t even take smoke so… if you have a camp fire keep upwind or use a small gas fire to cook. If you feel better from the trip it might help to see if it’s something that you’re body can’t take? I had a huge list of health problems and did the above..it helped me. Just like to point out it may not help with your condition, but at least it could be helpful in ruling out something that your exposed to, something environmental and hay you get a nice camping trip from it at least 🙂
All the best to you
December 14, 2014 at 5:20 am in reply to: When and can I send this letter without getting a restraining or no contact orde #69223
- This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Snails.
I read through this revised letter you want to send a few times, and think you’ve done a fine job in expressing yourself. I think the lawyer is right there’s no need to go into details more then what is in this letter. It’s good that you wished this person that was so important in your life well for her future and want to tell her how important she was to you and how you’ve grown as a person. If you send this letter in May as he advised (if a lawyer says this is the best time it’s probably very good advice to listen and do ok) please be aware that if you don’t get a reply back at least you got to express yourself in this fine letter, and that’s a healing thing to do for yourself as well. Sometimes people even write goodbye letters and never send them, it’s more to help ourselves in overcoming our sadness in losing someone.
I can tell you really cared deeply for her and are feeling sad about how things turned out, your missing her and wished perhaps that you could be more like the person you are now, with her. Often the rough times, though they make us sad, teach us our biggest lessons in life and I was glad to hear in your letter that you’ve learnt things from losing this person in your life. Being able to learn from mistakes is such a very important thing and sometimes people come into our lives, especially, to help teach us lessons. Try to focus on how you’re becoming a more mature young man because of this, and all the things you have learnt.
I think perhaps if you still wish to send the letter in May (as the layer advised) send it away knowing it is a ‘Goodbye letter’ and that you are wishing her well, because even though you might send this letter things may stay as they are now ok? and in the mean time focus on healing this sadness in yourself. Forgive yourself for the past, keep growing and learning about yourself. You sound in the letter you wrote to her, that you’re doing a great job on your personal growth:) but this path of life is always open for new learning and growth until we all are old and spending our days in our rocking chairs 🙂
Be kind to yourself, go out and have some fun with your friends, you deserve some fun.
It might be hard to imagine just now but there is no ‘one’ person out there that is our perfect partner by letting go of the past and healing yourself you open yourself up to all that the future has open to you, someone else who will also be very dear to your heart, and you’ll be able to look back to the time before June with fondness, as lovely memories because your life has moved fore ward as life should.
You sound like a great person!
Best wishes to you
It was great to read your letter and all the wonderful things you are doing to bring contentment and happiness into your life. Good for you for taking charge of your life and pointing yourself into the direction you wish to follow in your personal growth, and it seems a lot of positive changes have been brought about by you for your life.
I hope you are happy with all the good work you’re putting into yourself. And it’s perfectly normal to have times of having ‘random feelings of depression, failure, and self-loathing’ keep accepting these feeling and continue to learn from these feelings, as you are doing. A break up from a relationship, where you were hoping for long term plans is a sad thing, something that can’t be rushed. The days were you feel ‘hopeful, and so calm’ will begin to be more numerous, especially with all you are doing to help heal the hurt, and your quest for personal growth.
Ah your still young! You were where you were in your 20’s (still a few years left xD)and did the best for where you were at the time…they weren’t ‘wasted’ .. we live in the present day only, learn from the past to improve today…be gentle to yourself – when we are gentle with ourselves we are more open to learning from our past, as well. When hurts begin to heal the past also has a lot good and happy times and you will be able to focus on these more easily.
I’ve got no advice for you, you’re doing great steps so far, the only thing I can suggest to you is perhaps not mention EVER your cash nest of $401k ! What are you doing there xD trying to get under a pile of gold diggers 🙂 Some ‘Gamer’ sites might suggest throwing out a random comment like this to attract the gullible and IQ challenged chicks but yeah… best remember if that amount is true best keep that information to yourself! 🙂
Hi Little Buddha,
You seems to me to be taking good steps in having a variety of interests/activities and it’s very good to hear you are also focused on personal growth, all of which will help you not only with life in general, but while you go through a slump at work. Hopefully a contentment and enjoyment for your work will return shortly. It seems you have only good things to say about your work otherwise, it’s great that you are able to focus on those very good points about your work place.
I agree with you that even though you feel like dating again, you don’t want to jump into anything serious to fast. You mention feeling a bit ‘uncomfortable’ about this, perhaps try to put aside any guilt …if a very close friend of yours broke up with his partner only four months ago and he wisely said he didn’t want to jump into anything serious too fast, would you Expect Him to be celibate until he found a partner he is going to have a long term relationship with 😉 ?? Your inner voice is I think giving you good counsel…allow yourself ‘permission’. You come across as a kind and considerate person, I’m sure you will treat others with respect and honesty.
When I revised my reply to you I think perhaps I rounded off my response to you a bit to fast and would like to clarify myself if I may ?
*’when you find someone who you consider to be your love and best friend’…
I’d like to add here (though you come across as someone who is aware already C: ) that it’s healthy to continue to have other people in our lives who also support us and offer us Great friendship and bring in other interests and energy. It’s perhaps not fair or wise to rely upon our partner for all of our friendship needs…outside interests and other great friends help balance the relationship.
Thanks for listening to that.
And it was my pleasure to be a listening ear to you, your inner voice that you have expressed here, is doing very nicely in guiding you in this matter.
Hi Little Buddha,
Thank you for your honesty.
It seems to me that you are able to answer this question yourself in the second and final paragraph – ‘something I need to get out of my system’. However one sentence stands out that I would like to discuss with you if I may? and that is ‘it’s become an obsession’. Why do you think that it’s become an obsession? are you using the excitement of Lust as a prop up for the rest of your life as you are finding that other areas of your life aren’t as saticfactory as you wish? Are you using Lust and conquest for self-esteem rising ? If you find you arn’t happy with the way your life is, or within yourself at the moment I would kindly ask you perhaps ALSO focus on becoming more well rounded in interests, and focusing on areas of your life that you may see needs attention, if you gave yourself over to self- reflection with a compassionate heart.
There could be other ‘healthier’ reasons for your Lustful ways at this stage of your life. Have you come out of a longer term relationship with someone? If so many people do go through an experimental stage of what you are discribing. After a relationship ends it’s best to give ourselves time to come to terms with the lose and hurts and focus on what we have learnt from that relationship before moving onto a new one. It’s important to feel ‘strong’ enough within yourself that you are ready to share your feeling again within a new relationship and that may take time.
My only suggestion here is to consider the other person’s feeling.. be up front and honest that you aren’t ready to get back into a relationship when you find yourself feeling lustful towards another person that you DON’T or never would want to have a relationship with. If you are honest with the other person and you both are consenting and practicing ‘safety’ than I feel it’s fine to accept that it is ‘something I need to get out of my system’. What I would not recommend is focusing on the ‘conquest’ above all else..in allowing yourself to pretend to be someone other than who you are, lying, or using excessive alcohol etc it’s hard enough I think, and many people may agree trying to find a relationship without having to deal with ‘players’.
But please focus also on dealing with any pains from the past/past relationship with an open and accepting heart, learn all you can from the experience to be more ready to enter a healthy relationship with a long term partner.
When you do happen to feel a stronger connection with someone, Spend time in the beginning, getting to know the other person to see if you share similar visions for the future, and your core values aren’t in direct conflict. Marriage is long time, it’s a lot more easy when you find someone who you consider to be your love and best friend.
Nice to see someone following this great site with such dedication:)
Perhaps I can comment on a few things from your post?
The honeymoon stage is wonderful isn’t it ?- exhilarating, exciting and it’s easier to overlook any difference and annoying habits in each other.
Having differences in a parnter is fine as long as you both share the same vision and your core values aren’t in direct conflict. ‘Happily Incompatible’ can work when each partner respects one another’s differences as well as enjoy their similarities and shared visions.
You mention ‘our lives together just don’t seem to match up anymore, mostly because his life isn’t the life I want at the moment, it feels like our paths are diverging’ this feels to me like a shared vision issue ??? or it it something more simple?… without knowing what both of your ‘visions’ are its hard for me to suggest things. But it’s up to you both to see if there’s any room to move on these visions…sometimes there is, Often they are NOT … is one partner willing to say yes but sometime in the future? visions can change over time (say someone wants to live in the quiet country but the other person is still at their stage of life that they want to be near ‘the night life’ etc but they may OR may not want to move too somewhere quiet later on. Is that person willing to wait ‘a bit’ a 5 year plan? etc)
**Communication and clarity on core values and visions is really important – that’s something for you both NEED to get through and decide upon… they can be make or break deals.
Are you both still doing things together that are exciting and fun ?.. perhaps make a list of things you both would love to do and work through it..
As for your ‘love cards’ you can gently talk about that with your partner.. good luck with that one .. I happily accept I don’t get valentines cards from my partner xD but when we done ‘that’ talk he explained he thinks it’s a ‘commercial’ day but he shows me he loves me in other little ways (buys me my favorite magazine when he’s at the shops etc) and tells me in words and how he treats me… and that’s fine with me- females and males are very different in may ways! xD.
You also mentioned about ‘sexual expressions’ sometimes that can be as you say because you feel like your ‘removing myself from the relationship’ it can be because we feel emotionally removed because we are harboring hurt or anger towards are partner. My advice is work on your Big issues (shared visions etc) but as they Always say and is true don’t go to bed until any fights or conflicts from day to day life have been resolved as best as can be…if it’s others things ,like feels unsatisfactory phyically maybe look up google on how to make suggestion to make to your partner.
It’s ok to have conflicts and arguments with your partner. Good communication will lessen them but I hope you both have set in place during a quiet peaceful time, ‘argument rules’ ?? eg We will not call one another names, will will only stick to the issue being argued over, we will not intentionally try to hurt the other person, we will take turns giving our point than listen quietly to the other person ‘ and then try to find a middle ground, and sometimes depending on the issue you might just have to agree there is no room to budge.. then you both have to decide can you agree to be ‘happily incompatible’ on this issue ??(‘issue’ NOT ‘vision’ or ‘core values’ )
So perhaps my advice is to Communicate and see what happens – but a relationship should Always make you More happy than unhappy… if there are too many or too important of differences between yourselves at least you both gave it your best try.. please don’t stay in any relationship that makes you unhappy because you don’t want to hurt the other person, You have to care and be kind to yourself .
I say this advice as you say you still feel unsure and you don’t know at this stage ok
Good to see you out here in the spot light:) maybe we’ll see more of you out here now that you have an account name to use now, and being you have broken your long time lurking record, thanks for doing that, by posting finally 🙂