Hi Anita, thanks for replying. Ive got worn out, and i was just thinking about the title of this thread. Its interesting how situations can be interpreted very differently, according to different beliefs, and those interpretations cant all be right.

I might take a break for a little while, but i would like to come back. I think i just need to rest for a while.

Hi Anita, only just noticed your reply about my 3rd thread. Thank you for asking, i think id be happy to talk about that as a separate issue as it felt quite significant. I hope im not offloading too much for you.

Thank you again for your kindness in listening and offering feedback.

Thank you so much for your kindness Anita. Im grateful to you, and for Lori, the provider of this forum, for giving me this ‘listening’ time.

I really appreciate what you are saying about not forgiving, and going at your own pace. It also brings to mind making amends when you know youve done something wrong. I have tried making amends for some things, but i do feel burdened over that. I feel i need some guidance so im going to see someone, i just hope its right.

Its a beautiful day out today, something to be grateful for. I will take a rest and reflect on what we’ve said. Take care.

Hi Anita,i can really relate to that!

Thank you for the reminder to set limits, but honestly im not sure sometimes what they are.

At the moment ive got dreadful shoulder pain and i think ive been sleeping awkwardly.

To be honest Anita im weary of the recovery journey. I dont forgive some people for what happened.

Hi Anita,

Thanks for writing, and again i find your replies clear and helpful.

In your first paragraph, you mention ‘limits’. Its causing me to think of what might be helpful to aid recognition of personal needs. I think the need for sufficient rest and also sleep is essential.

Self care is really important, as well as caring for others.

Im going to rest a bit and give your post some more thought.

Hi Anita, thanks for replying. Based on this description of a trauma response, i can recall having this type of trauma response as a child and teenager and adult, with different people. It happens much less now and im able to think much more clearly these days. One book that helped me in the past was Pete Walkers book on CPTSD, but i admit i only read a little of it in the past due to difficulties in concentration.

I am unclear from what youve said how you step by step, disengaged from having that type of conversation that can happen? Is it by advocating for yourself as a child. Ie stepping into the conversation as a spokesperson for your child as the first step? I just reread your reply and actually i believe thats what youre saying. Then, i hope its ok to ask, how have you found it best to stop criticism or responses from the other person in the conversation replaying in your head?

Ive been aware of others processing trauma who end up talking out loud, and i admit ive done that when alone and thinking about responses to situations. (I can talk things through now, but there seems, from my own experience, a lack of knowledge and awareness and validation generally speaking amongst mental health care workers and professionals of what normal responses to trauma are, or i should say also perhaps a reluctance to share this information,even though it helps enormously with recovery and promoting healthy discussions of any trauma thats taken place).

Thank you for articulating so clearly this trauma response.

In my own journey, i admit that ive got angry and said f off or leave me alone sometimes to trauma memories, but obviously i dont think thats the best way to handle them.

I hope what im sharing is sufficiently clearly written.

Hi Anita, that does make sense, and it also i think would make sense to me if intrusive thoughts which sound like conversations where you can kind of hear your mum, for example, speaking, as you rehearse arguments in your head with her, could happen too.

I wonder if therefore voices can possibly be an extension of intrusive thoughts? But thats getting onto another sensitive and controversial topic.

My experience was of being left with unsafe persons, and then there being little or no support.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I find your replies incredibly helpful.

I would like to ask more about how one disengages from intrusive thoughts. Now that youve replied i think i can see the first step youve explained – to recognise that youve denied parts of yourself a voice and sided with someone else taking on their thoughts/voice, because of an unsafe situation.

Hi Anita,

Thanks very much for your reply. Im very grateful – this makes sense. But why would i have thoughts which are harmful to me or against me? I guess that could be being angry with myself for something! Is the only way out some kind of forgiveness? I honestly thought it was coming from other people.

Do you have any idea how it works with resentment?

Thanks again for your help.