Menu

I dont forgive

Home→Forums→Art→I dont forgive

New Reply
Viewing 7 posts - 16 through 22 (of 22 total)
1 2
  • Author
    Posts
  • May 4, 2026 at 11:21 am #457600
    anita
    Participant

    You are 🙏, Starlight 🌟

    About “I did wrong things”- me too. There’s a mantra I repeat every day, it goes like this, word by word: “I redirect chronic shame, guilt and self- doubt to confidence- not because I am perfect, but because I am learning”.

    Take your time, Starlight, no rush.

    🌿 Anita

    May 4, 2026 at 12:00 pm #457604
    starlight1
    Participant

    Hi Peter and Anita,

    Im confused. Are you saying different things?

    Peter, i feel youre saying i need to find a way to forgive, and not say that i dont.

    Anita, i feel you are saying its okay to take my time and to not forgive, but do you mean actions etc rather than not forgive a person?

    May 4, 2026 at 12:02 pm #457605
    starlight1
    Participant

    I didnt mean to be abrupt, sorry, its just what occurred to me and i realised id best ask each of you if thats okay.

    May 4, 2026 at 12:49 pm #457606
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Starlight

    ’m so sorry for being confusing. I want to be very clear: I am not saying you need to find a way to forgive. Your boundaries and your anger are completely valid, especially given what you’ve been through.

    My “worry” was less about the specific events and more about how the words we use to frame such events can unintentionally trap us. In my own experience, I’ve used the words “I will not forgive” as a way to say (without really noticing) that “I will use anger to protect myself.” It turned out to be incredibly exhausting and, honestly, it didn’t actually protect me, it just kept me tethered to the pain. To be clear I’m not saying your are doing that, only that that was the ‘source’ of a concern, triggered by the topic heading.

    Let us bring it back to the Art. As an artist, I was wondering if exploring the words like “forgiveness” or ‘block’… could be a way to unblock your creativity? Not to change how you feel about the past, but to see what a ‘word’ might looks like. Does it have a shape or a color? Is it a cage, a stone, or a breath? What might it look like, to look at the world though the shape being drawn? Investigating the “spell” of a word visually might be a way to move it out of the mind and onto the heart?

    May 4, 2026 at 1:10 pm #457608
    starlight1
    Participant

    Hi Peter,

    Thanks so much for writing back. I think i understand, but i will think about it a bit more. With reference to doing art, i did a picture of a hand pointing at myself, with forgive written on it. I will explore more. To be honest i think i need forgiveness from God, but i think of the Lords prayer (from the past) and theres a loop where it says forgive me my trespasses as i forgive others. Im not sure what happens first… forgiveness of me, or of me forgiving others. Can i forgive myself? Ought i to forgive others if ive done wrong too? How do i know that im forgiven?

    Thanks for your help.

    May 4, 2026 at 1:45 pm #457611
    Peter
    Participant

    Starlight – I too have struggled with those words – to forgive as I forgive… here I feel we are bigger then big in a universe we are smaller then small. If I were a painter that is what I would try to paint… and now I picture a hand pointing at itself…

    Trust the questions, or better yet continue to paint them… your instincts, are pretty grounded, let them guide you…. Star-light

    May 4, 2026 at 6:10 pm #457626
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Starlight 🌟

    I don’t think that Peter and I are saying different things. Well, we are saying different things but not contradictory things.

    He mentioned anger keeping the victim tethered to the pain.

    That was true to me.

    I still feel anger at my mother but unlike in the past, I am aware of also feeling love and concern for her and all the other feelings I have for her.

    I feel the other feelings for her because I no longer feel threatened by her (by her voice in my brain)

    For as long as I felt threatened, I needed the anger, and the idea of letting go of the anger felt dangerous, that the people who suggested that I forgive her were trying to take away my only protection: anger.

    You asked me about anger at the person vs anger at their actions. When the perpetrator of abuse keeps abusing then in my mind, the person and their actions are one.

    Although I was my mother’s victim, I am sad to say that I abused my younger sister when I was around 9 or so.

    I regret that very much. In adulthood, I apologized and sent her all the money I earned over a few years, and suggested she can use it for therapy.

    That’s it- I apologized and made amends the only way I knew how ($). And then, I tried to help other people as part of making amends.

    I suppose I forgave myself for abusing my sister as well as mistreating others in my adult life because I am learning how to be a person I myself approve of. And that dedication to learning earns me self- forgiveness.

    🌟 Anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 7 posts - 16 through 22 (of 22 total)
1 2

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.