Forum Replies Created
August 6, 2022 at 5:56 pm in reply to: Why am I so confused about wanting a relationship?!!! This is crazy #405096
Hi Anita and Helcat,
Yes, I’d agree with Helcat; no pressure for the OP to return to thread, but OP is welcome to do so. 🙂
Thank you so much Anita for the kind words, as well as the attention to detail you bring! It is a blessed feeling to read your insight, and I was so glad what I wrote resonated with you.
I would feel bad hijacking a thread that is not my own, so I leave the questions open to anyone else who feels moved to answer it, LOL!
Thanks again everyone and hope you enjoy the weekend.
Dear Tony, your poem really affected me! It sang with delight and brought me nearly to tears. The moments that particularly echoed for me was the purple mystical direction to “Focus your third eye upwards” and the bright line, “You are the glittering star of fun.”
I found it a wonderful reminder to collect my inner child and it brought beautiful images to me. Thank you so much for dedicating this to everyone and I am truly grateful for this poem!
For me, it’s peer pressure in a positive sense 🙂
I write my best funny stories when I know someone asked me to do so and is waiting for me to deliver. I am thinking of my best friend from middle school who continuously asked me to write new stories about our favorite characters. It’s been about 10 years since then, but that time was euphoric and so gratifying for me creatively.
Having at least 1 person to work for gives me a purpose.August 3, 2022 at 8:54 pm in reply to: Why am I so confused about wanting a relationship?!!! This is crazy #405029
Thank you for sharing. I would like to say that I deeply resonate with your sentiments.
I too tend to have crushes on unattainable figures, including fictional characters or people I consider “out of my league.” My therapist explained that this distance provides me the ability to 100% love and project all my desires onto someone. If a love interest is forever out of reach, I get to imagine whatever I want about them. I don’t have to accept their humanity. But in reality, they are complex, imperfect, and have their own goals and desires; there is no human born to be my perfect match, unless they are obscured by my imagination.
I have recently joined dating sites (à grace de Anita; thanks again!) and in fact have found several interesting women near my age who have shown interest in me. However once we begin speaking (or even just match), I too seem to shut down and lose interest/attraction and feel tempted to deny them, even though I outwardly claim I am interested in the process of beginning a relationship.
Rather than advice, I bring these 2 questions:
1) What makes you want to enter into a relationship?
2) What is making you want to reject/deny these people?
I believe your insight can help others as well. Thanks again.
Thank you so much for the kind words on your July 7th reply!! It made me so happy. And the compliment about my writing was so nice that I felt overcome with good feelings!
I appreciate you reminding me of my own humanity. What you said about sincerity is shocking and amazing, once again reminding me of moments in my past that commenters have told me that my art/posts has helped them to feel seen. I too recall how often another person or character’s mere existence can feel validating! I love that idea.
The NPR strategy sounds like a beautiful practise, I appreciate you sharing.
As an update, I did begin an account on OkCupid, a fun dating site I have appreciated since I was a kid (it used to have lighthearted quizzes and games). It feels right for me and it is a fun challenge. I am glad to have received the clarity, courage, and direction to do so by reading your ideas.
I too hope to see you around the forums and will continue to explore and post when I feel so moved. Thanks again for your considerate responses and unique perspective. 🙂
Thank you so much for your response. I have been reading the TinyBuddha forums for a few months now, and I had hoped you may see my thread! I deeply admire your methodology wherein you state portions of the person’s response in order to help them gain clarity. Reading through replies including your own has made a difference in my life and self-perception – even when I carried a vastly different problem than the OP.
In regards to your reply: thank you so much, I am so glad to hear your thoughts. Your response has given me a whole new way to look at this. Hearing the comparison of your own experience on this very forum was unexpected and deeply helps to hear. Verily, I do get lost in “how I am perceived” and it stops me from being myself.
Wow, focusing on being me feels like an idea I haven’t consciously explored before. I had never consciously decided to having sincerity as a goal…that feels brave and scary (in a good way)! From a young age my goal was to impress, and in many cases, it still is. Impressing others is a neverending arduous task with external loci, while sincerity seems to light up my world from within. I now see impressing empowers others, while sincerity empowers me.
I LOVE your last analogy because I do dance and it’s one of my favorite ways to express my body! Serendipitously, I have taken a half-year break from dancing classes due to budgetary reasons, but I had intended to go to a dance class tonight specifically, so I will take this as another sign to attend.
In fact, one of my happiest moments was shameless disco-dancing at a 2022 New Year’s Eve event. I think I looked ridiculous and weird and no one else was dancing with my intensity and vigor to<i> Scissor Sisters</i>, but I didn’t care because I was so happy to be dancing as ME!
Focusing on being myself, I feel like I can just have fun with it and think, “What kind of dating profile would [StoutHeartedMen] have?” and “How can I most sound like myself while talking to this person?” Doing this, I feel like I would almost forget about the wall of silence entirely because it brings the dance-party to me, and I barely care what others will think of the fun I am having. What a shift. Thank you for taking me towards BEING and expressing my inner light.
I may take your advice and try an online dating site like Match.com rather than an app. I always thought websites were more fun.
Hearing your perspective has given me a newfound awareness of what to focus on. Again, thank you so much for your response.