xxx

Here’s a hug for you ( ) 🙂

Sue x

Dear Sue

I’m not going to rant about how I feel about DUI in order to add to your shame. You’ve been punished and you’ve had 2 years to reflect on your wrong doing.
Suffice to say that a close friend has been affected by the actions of a drunk driver and she has lost so much more than the things you list.
Maybe I am not the most sympathetic person to respond to you but you are here for advice not sympathy right?

Firstly you have listed things you have lost. Well the only one of those that you can’t get back is your licence (not for 8 years at least) So the decision you need to make is does the success of the next 8 years of your life depend on having a license? Are you going to put your life on hold until then?
If the answer is No then you have to start planning on getting your life back on track.
Freedom – I don’t know where you live but if there’s a public transport system use it, get yourself a bike, be creative advertise for car share buddies (except you won’t be driving)
Job & Financial stability – You’ll need to look outside the box, find employment that doesn’t require a license. You might need to re-train or start a home business there are possibilities. After all if you remain unemployed for the next 8 years you’like struggle to find employment when you do get your license back. Besides a license can’t be all you have to offer an employer. What are your other skills & qualities? Write them down. Ask others to continue. This will also help your self esteem.
As for the shame you feel, why not put that to good use? You have clearly demonstrated here that your license is not the only thing you lose if you DUI. The consequences of that moment of madness are severe. You could use your experience to volunteer to talk to groups who may be at risk of DUI, college students or something. Find a local organisation who might be able to facilitate you doing that. If not that then any voluntary work whilst you don’t have a job. You will be putting something back into your community and making some amends for your offence.
The only way to regain your self respect is to start doing things that deserve your respect.
If you start tackling some of the above your life will begin to piece back together and your self esteem will grow.

With best wishes
Sue

Dermot
Your post has made me feel so sad. You are only 20 and you have COMPLETED YOUR 1ST YEAR AT UNI! You really do have a whole lifetime of experiences, growth, change and happiness ahead of you
I know it doesn’t feel like that now. You are in a very deep dark hole which just seems impossible to climb out of. But please recognise your achievements. You are succeeding in college this gives you purpose & opportunity. Well done! I don’t want to dismiss your self diagnosis of a personality disorder but it doesn’t add up that you have functioned successfully through school and now college. Why couldn’t you do the same in the workplace? I don’t know how you have diagnosed yourself but you know what they say about Dr Internet… The most minor ailments can look like terminal illness. Please consider talking to someone about this who can offer sustained support. Your parents? I know if you were my son I would hate to think of you feeling so alone in your room. Or is there a cos ell or at college? Reaching out for help is the hardest thing but you have done it here. It is so brave to reach out with such honesty. I know how hard it is to seek help having suffered depression myself and wanting to “flick the switch” just like you. I did get therapeutic help and 20 odd years later I think often how close I came to not seeing those years and the rest that are ahead of me. I breathe a sigh of relief most days that I am still here and the world seems like such a different place than it did then. What I’m trying to say is as much as you can’t see it now there is HOPE for a good future.
It’s not a disaster to have a “not done” list at 20 you have plenty of time to fulfil lists. Just make your to do list one that is personal to you and not one “society” tells you you should have ticked off by such a such age. Make a have done list instead.. I’m sure it’ll have more on it than you think… And so what if you don’t kiss a girl till you’re 30 say? How sweet will that kiss be… If you give up now your Haven’t done list will stay just that. Congratulate yourself on what you have done. There is a solution for you out there… you just might need a little help finding it.
With warmth love and optimism
Sue

Hi Corrine
Having been in your partners shoes, on the receiving end of spiteful things said by my partner (ex) I can try and give you some insight to how it feels. Despite knowing that things said in anger are often not thought out,especially if alcohol is involved, it is virtually impossible to wipe from your memory hurtful things said by the one you love and trust. Those words replay in your head and taint even good times. I don’t know if this was a one off for you and out of character. If so it has probably knocked your boyfriend for six and as well as hurt he is probably shell shocked. I know that on the first (or at least first couple) of times it happened to me I would have liked more than anything a big “gesture” from my partner. A really sincere apology and lots of affirmation to counteract the negative. He needs to know that you recognise the hurt you have caused him and that you will take responsibility for healing the wound. If it’s not a one off and saying hurtful things is your default mode in an argument then your boyfriend may be too weary of it and you need to look at yourself to figure out why you say things you don’t mean with the sole purpose of being hurtful. Learn how to argue not attack.
I hope you don’t feel I am being critical of you but you seem to be asking how to make this right with your boyfriend and I think to do that you need to put yourself in his shoes. He may need some space but he will be feeling hurt & confused. A letter of sincere apology explaining how upset you are with your behaviour and letting him know all the things you value about him might be a good start. Letters are non threatening not invasive and show the recipient you have made an effort.
Your boyfriend said he just wants to work it out, which resonates with me completely. He is reaching out to you & giving you the chance to put it right. Take it and heal the wound with sincerity honesty & love.
I wish you all the best
Sue