Forum Replies Created
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Hi Tro,
It is good that you have the goal of continuing to improve yourself.
I have found success in getting and sticking to a nutritional plan, plus being in the gym almost daily:
– You can eat regular food 7-8 times a day to keep yourself fueled.
– By exercising including strength training, your body is using the nutrition well while transforming itself. Mix it up with cardio, classes, yoga, whatever you like.
Stick with this for a couple months and you will feel better at all times, so you won’t get the blues. You will handle stress better. You will have new, healthier habits that will help you in everything you do.
Big blue
Hi Love,
What excites you? What can you do to use your talents? In your job search, have you tried working with staffing companies? They can coach you and they have relationships at companies. Also find other ways to network. Take some time to meet a couple recruiters. Take the advice from the people you meet like homework. Do the homework and then get back in touch with them and say what progress you made, your thoughts and ask more questions. My first professional job took 12 contacts with the hiring manager. He said read books I read books. He said join a professional society I joined a professional society. He hired me under a direct contract and gave me a lot of feedback on my initial work. I took the feedback (a lot of red pen ink) and did better. Go ahead and try something.
For anxiety, are you having some success with anything? Maybe CBT? Are there ways you can ease into social situations You are not alone as many people struggle and have anxiety and fear. It is ok to try and fail. You learn from it. One of the things you learn is how to cope with uncomfortable experiences. Not to put pressure on you to become famous, but to make my point, google “famous people who struggled”. Also google about “grit”.
Are you doing things that are fun? Music? Bird watching? Cooking? Volunteering? Spiritual? Travel? Sports? Hobbies? Skills? Ask people what they do outside of work. Listen twice as much as you talk. Ask more questions. Conversations lead to human interest and connection which builds relationships which lead to a fulfilling life with a good job and the rest.
Does this make sense to you? These are small but real steps you can take that leverage skills you learned in school, add new approaches and bring you forward.
Big blue
Hi Buddhist Wife-
This is a great question and I enjoyed reading what everyone contributed.
Getting daily exercise and staying on a nutritional plan are healthy habits that really serve me well. I feel great in the moment and I’m looking, feeling, thinking and behaving better. I go to the gym every day, I eat good food eight times a day and first thing in the morning I take vitamins.
Years ago I got into really good dental care. I carry floss picks with me. I brush 3+ times a day. I use Tom’s of Maine toothpaste and mouthwash. I missed the dentist for years and on a recent checkup it was just a minor cleaning. My teeth and smile are in great shape.
I’m working on forming some new healthy habits.
Big blue
Hi Kennisha,
One thing that helped me when I was really down was to name something or someone that I’m grateful for. It could be having a bed and a place to stay, a good meal, a book, sunshine, dogs, a smile from a stranger…. Or maybe something about me. I’m a good worker, I make a good cup of coffee, I like children, I have a good sense of humor…. In other words, name some of the good stuff in your life. There’s gotta be some good stuff. Make a list. If it’s people on the list, could you take a moment and tell them you are grateful to know them? If you have a charity that is near and dear to you then you can go help them. If you are able to help them, express gratitude to them back for letting you help them and I’ll guess they said thank you – that was thoughtful.
You say you can’t win. Just placing in life is a podium finish. Maybe you have an interesting story to write. About the real world struggles you are having.
Another assignment besides naming something you’re grateful for: ask people questions. Ask followup questions.
If I may, I want to say thank you to you Kennisha for letting me share a little about me to help you.
Hi Tinyzebra,
Ah yes old emotional pain. It is misery. Although I’m an older guy and therefore we’re quite different, I have had some heavy emotional pain myself, so I know something about what you are going through. I’ve struggled with how to manage it and I think I’m making headway.
Inkrid’s idea of 20 dates sounds interesting for me a little down the road – I am not there yet. I’ll know when I get there. If I were forced I would no doubt survive, and might thrive. And the idea is that if you have say three great relationship options, you won’t crash if one walks away. I have not done this so I’m not qualified to talk about it. But if it’s like having three job offers vs. one and losing the one, I can see where I’d be less likely to have an “attachment” problem.
As rational as that sounds based on what you wrote, that’s down the road for you too. In the meantime, I’m focusing on myself including being out in the community. While doing this, my confidence is rising noticeably. What do you think is happening? I feel much better about myself. And women are attracted to me. I am not approaching women they are approaching me. I’m still not dating. So what, you ask? Yes exactly so what’s next? What if as I’m feeling better about myself and am less about me and more about others, what if I were to meet someone while volunteering? Or at the gym? Or at Spanish meetup group? I’m thinking it’s easy to do emotionally and it’s something I want to do, where I might meet someone to date. At this point Inkrid and I are saying the same thing, I just offered my ‘how to’ that may or may not fit you. Just another perspective.
Now, again, I am in a different situation with different life goals at this point, but would you agree that we are both equally worthy of loving ourselves and being in a loving relationship with a fitting partner? If you agree with me on that, I think you are on the right path … which ever and when ever you choose it. I think that’s a perspective that we can all live with.
What do you think?
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 