Forum Replies Created
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Hi Caitlyn,
You are both pretty young and generally happy – it sounds, but you need more frequent communication than he does. If this is a good summary, have a talk and express that your feelings and needs.
I recall being your age and going all day without talking. It was not a problem. I had a co-worker – his girlfriend called him hourly at work. Either approach works.
Today, with smartphones and other services, we can be in touch constantly, or sometimes, or turn them off.
Even with these communication tools, we need good old eye-to-eye conversation to communicate on issues. This may be uncomfortable, and you may not agree on everything, but you do need to talk and work things out.
Big blue
This is a lively discussion, and formulae or not, of course they are all right answers.
The formulae make me think of a woman I met this weekend. We were both attracted, and when we spoke we both baffled the other with geek-speak about what we do. When the smoke cleared I think we were both oddly enamored. I’m looking forward to our next chat around town, but I think we would fail on all formulae, except maybe 1+1=2.
Big blue
Hi Luna,
Luna, I really feel for what you are going through. Not that we measure because it would be cold hearted, but when I read your story a couple times, I feel that you have been making a lot more and larger emotional investments in this relationship. That’s not to say he has not been there for you at all – you spoke of long communications – were you getting involvement and help on your life issues?
It seems only healthy for you, and a kind of test for him, if you do as suggested by Alpal. That is, take more time for yourself and other aspects of your life.
I know this is your world right now eclipsing the rest of the universe, but it’s time to step back and take in some of that universe. It seems this perspective can only help you. Does this make sense?
Big blue
Hi Bronwyn,
Cool name!
I had a time when I was out of work and sleeping as much as possible once. At twice your age. I was really down and reached a very low point. What did I do? It was miserable. I accepted myself for where I was. That made me feel better. Kind of a relief. Took the pressure off. Then I got myself going. It took a while. Weeks, months. But with active job hunting I got a break, really prepared for the interview, nailed it, and got the job. Before that there were many interviews where I was not a good fit so I did not do well. Then I found a better job. And now a great job. During this time I did what Alpal advised – self help. My best advice is for you to hit the gym every day. You will soon feel better and it will help your confidence. Lift weights. You need to build muscle. This will transform you. Do cardio such as a Spin class – it’s fun and you will lose yourselk in it. That’s better for you than sleeping to lose yourself. But, take your own steps. There is no right or wrong. You are right as you are.
Volunteering is also a great action and experience as well – as Anonymous said. Find something, anything that you can do. Ideally pick something you care about. Lacking that pick something and try it.
Big blue
Hi Allan,
I like your statement about having put so much into your personal growth, and that you don’t want to risk it. And, keep going as Matt said.
If you go in there down the road in the future without getting emotional that could be another good test. Also not going again would be good, too. You are free to grow, experience your emotions and find your way.
Big blue
Holly vulnerability Catwoman! See everyone we all have things to deal with.
Rx: Hey Inky slip him some of this for his next birthday: Acqua Di Gio By Giorgio Armani For Men. The cologne is too much (strong) but the roll on anti-perspirant is awesome. Voila no chance for old man smell….and you just might get that last kid you were hoping for lol. Sorry you know us guys can tend to be fixers. 🙂 Macys has it – for a test sniff….
Thanks for your thoughts I know it took a lot to write that and I am looking for the real nitty gritty.
Big blue
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 