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Realistic age gap?

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  • #62467
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi all,

    What is a reslistic age gap? Either way. For example I once dated a woman who is 12 years older. Others have been within a couple years of me. What have you found?

    Big blue

    #62468
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    I have daddy issues, so I better not speak based on my personal experience šŸ™‚

    I’d say about seven years, based on a feeling. It’s not really linear though, is it? When young and when old, the gap should be smaller, but in your thirties, for example, it could be much wider and not be problematic. Then again, having a small gap is no guarantee of anything. People still sometimes get ill or die sooner than expected. Then there’s the issue of having children, which may or may not be a factor regardless.

    Realistically though, you’re not going to fall in love based on age šŸ™‚ Though if you do, and you keep falling for significantly younger or significantly older, it might be a good idea to look into “why?” Generally speaking. Not aimed at you Big Blue šŸ™‚

    #62490
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi The Ruminant,

    Yes 7 years would make things easier. Except maybe when you’re both past child rearing years. Do you agree?

    I look younger than I am – a factor for me.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Big blue.
    #62499
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    Do you mean that 7 years would make things more difficult after both are past child rearing years? I don’t know what you mean, so I can’t agree šŸ™‚

    P.S. My sister is 7 years younger than her husband. She’s 48 and he’s 55. Looking at them, I can’t quite see it as a problem in the future either.

    #62514
    Big blue
    Participant

    I see what I wrote is confusing…. I’m thinking more than 7 could be easier after kids are born, raised and grow up. Example: 50 and. 60. I’m in my 50s like your brother’s age. Half way to a hundred! šŸ™‚

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Big blue.
    #62519
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Big Blue,

    I admit it: my DH is 16, yes, 16 years older than me. But, in my defense, he has a baby face and a youthfulness about him. When I met him I thought he was only 5 to 7 years older than me!!

    So you can guess what happened. By the time I found out his true age, it was too late.

    But, we have a great life, three wonderful kids, everything!

    Yes, now that he is getting older I see the “This part will suck” handwriting on the wall.

    I don’t view it as a Dealbreaker though. Certain people were certain our marriage would fail, or I wouldn’t be happy but we have outlasted almost everyone and are a great match twenty years later!

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
    #62521
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    I also must stress that my sister is not married to our brother šŸ™‚

    Really depends how people age. If one partner still wants to live an active life and the other one is suffering from arthritis and wants to stay warm, it can be difficult. The difference in development is pretty much the only problem with age in general. Then again, if truly in love and there is a deep connection, would any of it matter that much?

    #62522
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Congratulations on 20+ years and your outlook! You sound very happy. What issues were due to your age difference?

    I recently talked with a really nice woman who after a few talks I asked and she is 17 years younger. Idk…

    Lol I was going to say baby face for me, too. That said, I can have a playoff beard in 2-4 weeks. šŸ™‚

    Big blue

    #62523
    Inky
    Participant

    The Problems/Fears/Realities:

    1. He is now afraid of doing physical things he used to do. Not because he can’t do them but because of fears that he’ll be stuck out in the Rockies with the Boy Scouts and what if something goes wrong? (With him). Same with double black diamonds on the ski trails. That if he gets injured it would take longer to recover.

    2. I now want to travel. He wants to wait until the last kid is out of the house. But then what about $$$? I say we have plenty of money for a weekend away at least, and then we have the conversation of “How much is enough?” I want to get on with it in case he really can’t travel one day.

    3. Is it my imagination or is he getting crotchety?? Could be 20 years of marriage though, hmm.. What if he gets inflexible mentally??

    4. I hate the “old man smell” you know what I mean, that most old men eventually get? Hasn’t happened yet, but..

    5. When I think of the possibility of living without him for at least a decade of my life I cry.

    6. Stupid things that make me want to die first ~ if he’s gone, how will I shut down his business, manage online accounts (he does all the finances online, spreadsheet, the works), upkeep the house, bumps in the night, maybe moving.

    7. I wanted another child, but gave up that desire because now even I cannot imagine him managing that.

    At his end I’m sure he thinks I’m hopelessly immature as he compares me to “a bottle of fine wine that gets better with age.” Not a compliment, buddy!!

    But that said, if the age difference is ALL there is “wrong”, GO for it!! There are: addictions, being broke, personality disorders, cheating, much, much worse problems that some people can have.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    #62525
    Big blue
    Participant

    Holly vulnerability Catwoman! See everyone we all have things to deal with.

    Rx: Hey Inky slip him some of this for his next birthday: Acqua Di Gio By Giorgio Armani For Men. The cologne is too much (strong) but the roll on anti-perspirant is awesome. Voila no chance for old man smell….and you just might get that last kid you were hoping for lol. Sorry you know us guys can tend to be fixers. šŸ™‚ Macys has it – for a test sniff….

    Thanks for your thoughts I know it took a lot to write that and I am looking for the real nitty gritty.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Big blue.
    #62529
    Inky
    Participant

    OMG, that is a great idea! Writing it down…

    Our teenage sons use so much Axe and Old Spice I’m used to overpowering smells!

    Srry for being Catwoman Vulnerable, but just wanted to write the realities from the chicks on the other side.. But as you can see, it’s mostly mental.

    #62530
    Big blue
    Participant

    No apology necessary. If I were to list my vulnerabilities I’d need a sign saying Continued On Next Internet! šŸ™‚

    On the fine wine, another thought: pick up some Cupcake Chardonnay. Maybe he’ll think of a nickname for you. šŸ™‚ ok that was dumb. .500 is pretty good though.

    #62563
    Alpal
    Participant

    Hello Big blue:)
    I would say about 7 years maybe? But then again to be honest everyone matures in their own way and in their own time so I really think it just depends on how much they can get along and communicate no matter how many years apart they are. And also it depends on how much they love each other because one of them eventually will age faster than the other and might need a little bit more care, the only thing that would keep a person around to take care of someone who might be getting a little slower especially if they can’t feel their pain is love!
    Love,respect, loyalty and understanding is all that is really important in a relationship šŸ˜‰

    #62570
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Alpal,

    “Love, respect, loyalty and understanding is all that is really important in a relationship.”

    Awesome!

    Big blue

    #62578
    Matt
    Participant

    “If I were to list my vulnerabilities Iā€™d need a sign saying Continued On Next Internet!”

    Bravo, hilarious! Next internet… lol.

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