Ugh.. random thought, but im also having some challenges listening to my higher self which is telling me to stay off of certain sites plus social media. Sometimes because i dont understand I won’t listen rather than trust…

I’ve been really good with social media, but logged on today and checked my TF page and found that their post that they posted literally were as if I had a conversation with them.. I don’t know how they do it, but things that I don’t communicate to ANYONE but I have these deep thoughts or ideas, concepts in my head & they seem to have the same ones at the same time..

Which I can understand why its important for me to kind of chill.. I guess we are really connected without really trying. so I will chill from now on. Maybe we communicate in our sleep or something. who knows..

Word. I think we are all still working through some avoidance tendencies. I struggle myself with knowing what I need & then knowing what I want & those not always matching up but trying to align those things with my values. I’ve been leaning more in my needs even though I feel like I don’t “want it” sometimes but I do it because I know I need it. Like spoon feeding a baby vegetables.

My TF has said something very similar about music . Though they are a woman, they have challenges with expressing emotions & intimacy as well. Not sure how or why that happened.. I’m thinking they’re a bit in denial about some childhood violence , or they had too much structure & not enough nurture or something. I actually… though I love them, no longer care to figure it out. But I thought it was interesting that my TF struggles with expressing those things when generally those are things women usually where on their sleeves . I’m a gender and sexuality advocate so when I first learned about TF and one having to be the masculine & the other the feminine I initially didn’t like that. Many took that as only men and women. Later I learned it can be same gender.. it was confusing at first still . I’m a woman but I’m masculine presenting , I’m also masculine energetically in the outside world and work field – hard worker, go getter , goal setter/ leader . Internally I’m very feminine though , and in the home behind closed doors I’m still assertive but I’m actually very feminine and nurturing. I’ll cook & take care of those I love. Up until I met my TF , I was all the way in my masculine, both outside and inside because I didn’t find partners who understood or complimented my energy very well. I had to be masculine through and through . (Which is why I ran first.. lol) Then I met my TF who was feminine on the surface but pretty masculine internally . But also very balanced. Like we both could step up or step back naturally as needed. After meeting them I embraced my feminine side. And realized my TF was pretty masculine. Which is natural to them but I also know a large part of their problem is rejecting their Divine feminine. They have to embrace their feminine in order to open up spiritual /emotional/mental/physical blocks. I don’t know why they have blocks but a while ago my intuition told me they may have mother issues. Like their mom neglected to protect them or be there consistently or when they really needed or something. I personally tend to refrain from dating women with mom issues as I know ppl tend to gravitate me because of my nurturing nature . But when they haven’t resolved their mom issues I become a emotional & spiritual punching bag to them..

I have a bad habit on here lately of hitting reply before I finish a thought.. maybe because I’m typing on my phone & the screen is harder to view ?.

My Tf also loves music & nature , struggles with the same things… sometimes when you describe yours I’m like , are we talking about the same person ? Lol but my TF is a woman so.. maybe I met the female version of yours… that’s so crazy. This stuff constantly makes me need to ground myself lol..

One of the best things I’ve learned.

We all have habits we need to outgrow. Changes good or bad feel weird because it’s different.

Know that healthier habits at first will feel foreign , uncomfortable, weird, difficult to maintain at first. But when you do anything for long enough you develop momentum. It gets easier.

So, be really honest with yourself about what you want in a relationship longterm. Who you can see yourself build with, even create a family with. Someone you can trust to take care of you when your ill, someone you can trust you can build with, trust to co raise your kids properly.. etc . What are all of your needs? Does this partner match that? If not—- this is the growth part!

Why am I with someone who doesn’t meet my needs, or what needs are they meeting that aren’t healthy for me? Sometimes too much comfort seeking isn’t a good thing. Comfortable dysfunction is comfortable because it’s familiar…

Not to go on a tangent. But just… choose you. If he doesn’t meet your needs, and you’ve tried, and he’s engaging in risky dangerous behavior- free yourself of the responsibility to take care of him. Not your job. Move forward don’t look back. If they catch up they catch up , but no need to turn your head and get exposed to all the tragic burning ships crashing behind.. ships they wrecked themselves.

Distract yourself with other people . Date others. We can get sad because these “new” people aren’t them. But what helps me is to lower the bar. “Im dating  just to date. To learn if I still got it or whatever. I’m not expecting to find the love of my life, but I’m not closed off to it either.”

Much luck

And yea, it’s hard to eat /focus/sleep when emotionally immature /inconsistent/ disrespectful people come into our lives expecting love without directly asking for it & not being accountable … lol

depending on our choices** not options.. geez lol

Sorry lol ..La lucha es realistico

needing to make*

Also was thinking a lot about how you said your TF said “they’ve never been in love before.” Yep mine too. I thought it was bizarre, especially since they were in a relationship for over 8 years.. A lot of the things that’s come up has let me know they’ve got a lot of work to do. I do too, but I’m always honest about that. I’ve helped them a lot, but my spirit is telling me “LET THEM DO THEIR OWN WORK…” And they’ve got a lot of work to do.

In the perfect world they’d just do it, let go of what needs to be let go, do right, forgive, move on from their past, open up etc… Things that I find very easy.. yet, I can’t quite seem to stay discipline in my own diet or meditation schedule…lol I’m way better now that I’ve cut out social media. But that’s just to say, we are all working on things. I can’t judge them until I get my own stuff together yes, but they still have been pretty lousy towards me – TF or not. And they don’t get passes for that. the best apology is changed behavior & whether they do so or not, I really don’t worry about it because I know my life is constantly creating more opportunities for my happiness & abundance.

Yea, I feel you on the dating thing. I am also dating others, friends/dating etc. My intention was really to make friends. But I decided to date too. Found myself laying in someones arms under the stars, i felt conflicted. it was everything I wanted, but not with the person I wanted. And I felt so mentally messed up because the person i wanted it with (my TF), has not been able to show me they deserve access to me like that.

I still love them deeply. If they got it together while I was single & wanted to work it out, i’d consider it. But I am also okay with dating others, & im pretty optimistic now that whoever comes into my life whether its them or someone else, will be who I am supposed to be with & a good thing for me.

I too got all the signs, and the signs do get louder when you ignore & avoid it. But once you accept it, you’re not stuck, you just move forward and past it. It’s just a reminder to not turn back into old unhealthy patterns. And Im okay with that as initially i was on the wrong track.

I hear you.

Boundaries are the things that prevent this from happening. I hope at some point some will be developed. Hope you feel better soon.