Methinks thou doth protest too much. I’m sorry, I don’t understand the inner turmoil. A stranger starts texting you, you engage and soon find out the person at the other end of the line is a man. No thanks, not interested, life goes on. What am I missing? What specifically troubles you so much to cause you to replay the text over and over?

Did you ever find out how this person got your number? Unless you have the number posted in some type of public forum, it would seem someone you knew gave the person your number.

I think you’ve learned a valuable lesson here: if you get a message from an unknown number and the person refuses to identify him/herself, end the dialogue. It really needn’t be any more complicated than that.

Paul, when I read your post, I didn’t think you declaring your feelings had anything to do with it. (Of course you don’t elaborate as to what “on and on” means; perhaps you came on a bit strong). She sounds flaky and like she runs hot and cold. She also seems rather demanding – she doesn’t always respond when you initiate the texts but then when she wants to communicate with you she expects to hear from you immediately. I don’t know how much younger than you she is, but it could be a sign of immaturity, or at the very least a somewhat self-centered personality. It seems like you may have dodged a bullet here. I’m with the others – the ball is in her court now. She knows how to reach you. As long as you reel in your expectations a bit, you may develop a relationship with her if it’s meant to be. If not, you’ll have the nice memories of connecting with someone for a night.

For what it’s worth, I appreciate a man who is open with his feelings as I’m sure many other ladies do as well. Granted, I would be skeptical if a guy were wanting to make wedding plans or naming our future children after one night together, but I think it would be flattering to be told a man hasn’t felt this way in years. Sometimes you do just make that connection and feel it and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with expressing it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You may find another woman who shares your feelings right off the bat. As long as you’re honest and genuine, I don’t think you should beat yourself up over it.

Good luck!

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think that sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to find our “passion”. Had you asked me as a kid what I want to be when I grow up, what I’m doing in my career would have never crossed my mind. On paper, my job sounds so mind-numbingly boring that you would wonder why anyone in her right mind would want to do it. For me, it’s what you make of it. I enjoy the people in my office. They are like a second family to me. I feel secure, content and make good money to put towards things that really fuel my fire, like a trek through the Himalayas, a nice car, my own home with a dog and backyard, music concerts with my friends and more. Do I feel like I’m changing the world in my work? Not necessarily, but it’s a job that I can take pride in anyway because I do the best I can do and see the progress I make each day. I work to live, not live to work. You’re right that we spend so much of our time devoted to our work that it should be something we can enjoy. That said, we have our free time to pursue hobbies and interests as well – it’s about setting a healthy work/life balance. Get out there and perform your music! But don’t pressure yourself into feeling like you need to parlay it into a career. Play for fun on the weekends and as your experience and fan following grows, you may be able to make a living off it. But if you don’t, you can sure have fun doing it. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have not wasted any time. You’ll find the right path in time. Don’t feel like you need to know right now where that path will take you – that’s the joy of life. You just jump in and do what you gotta do and as you move through life you will be presented with new opportunities that may take you in a whole new direction. Go easy on yourself, friend. You can do this 🙂

Saltana, I’m glad this forum has helped guide you to find the right path for you and your relationship. Speaking strictly as a member of the peanut gallery with zero investment in your personal circumstances, I’d respectfully ask you to reconsider the ultimatum about the son. This boy is not some random housemate, he is the son of your partner. It is a parent’s responsibility to care for and nurture his children until they are of the age and ability to make it on their own. At the risk of sounding judgmental, your position that it’s “the son or me” is rather uncompromising and frankly, selfish. You ask “Is it right for him to put his son before us?” I don’t think he’s putting the son BEFORE you, he is fulfilling his parental responsibility. It would seem you are the one attempting to put yourself before the son. Children are not disposable. That’s not to say your partner shouldn’t look to enforce some better rules and boundaries with him. You have every right to live in an environment that enables you to be happy and healthy, so if living with his son does not work for you, so be it. It just seems there should be a way you can work through this together without booting out the child. Forgive me as there is probably a kinder way for me to make this point. I was a child of divorce and it would break my heart to think my dad would choose a relationship with a woman over me. Likewise, I was a loving stepmother to my (now ex) partner’s teenage son. Children deserve to be nurtured and loved, not thrown out with the rubbish to fend for themselves in an enviroment that is clearly distressing (his mother’s house in this case). My best to you.

Why don’t you try asking her out on a date if you’re interested? If she says no, then you can move on, but from what you’ve written it doesn’t sound like you’ve let your feelings be known to her.

Please consider using more reliable birth control than the “pull out method”. Please protect yourself from STDs as well. As far as the betrayed girlfriend, it is sad but since you have no intention of telling her about your experiences with her boyfriend, I think the only thing you can do is move on and continue not responding or contacting the man involved. Also, I don’t know how close you are with this friend of his, but unless he’s a good friend of yours as well I would consider limiting time with him as well to remove yourself completely from this drama.

Meagan,
Let me start by saying when I was your age, I was engaged to a man whom I did not end up marrying. He and I traveled across the country to meet up with my best friend from college. After dinner, as we were getting into a taxi, my friend discreetly whispered to me “he’s not the one for you.” It angered and hurt me, as I had decided this was the man I was going to marry. I wanted to show her she was wrong about him. In hindsight, perhaps she saw something that I did not see at the time.

While reading your posts, I got the same sense Matt seemed to have – that you’re strong, courageous, confident enough to “handle” your boyfriend. You say “i know who I am and nothing he can say will make me doubt myself”, “We’ve had many trials and tribulations”, “He once was able to make me feel very insecure”, “i feel that nothing he says can alter my belief of myself”. Are these the words to describe the feeling of being in love? You declare you are in love with HIM, his character, the person he is. Why then, save from two people in your circle, are you hiding your relationship? There is a world between keeping private details between you and your boyfriend, and keeping the entire relationship secret. It’s true that people have opinions that run the gamut, influenced by their own struggles and desires (such as your mother), but if you do love and cherish this man and your relationship with him, my feeling is you should feel free to experience your relationship out in the open. Is it possible that you have your own doubts, outside of what your loved ones are telling you?

You shared with us your boyfriend’s good points (sweet, gentle, family man). I would encourage you to read this article and consider if any of this speaks to you: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/getting-blinded-by-good-points/. People can have good points and still not be right for you or a relationship. Just something to think about.