dear anita,

first of all how are you? hope you’re doing good and taking care of yourself. if we were to talk about me, i am studying to become a dentist! now im gonna tell you something suuuper funny. me and my boyfriend scoreed the same on our uni entrance exam and there were only 28 people between our rankings amongst 3.5 milllion people! how crazy is that? and on top of that we got into the same uni and we both are studying to become dentists! this situation has me believing in faith. so yeah my school actually starts in about a week and im super excited!

about the retroactive jealousy thing, since the past few months i am understanding the importance ıf communication more and more. i make an active effort to talk about things that bother me and encourage the people around me to do the same. not just things bothering me but ive also been trying to show my affection and gratitude and love more to my community. so all this effort put by me and by my partner and all the talks ive had with him about his past relationships has put my mind at a bit more ease and now i understand that me obsessing over such unimportant stuff only damages our relationship.

As of now, i feel slightly underwhelmed by my life. i want to do more stuff, travel more, love more but for some reason i feel like a bear in hibernation just sleeping. Heavy on wanting to love more, i just want to express my love through so manyy things and aspectsbut i feel like i fail to do so.

anyways, like i said i hope everything is going well for you and i am wishing all the best to you

love, soma

hey anita!

first of all how are you doing? how’s everything? i hope you’re doing okay and feeling good. how has been your summer? mine was pretty good! do you remember how i told you i was going to take an exam that would determine my career like two years ago? well i did pretty good i was actually ranked 28.000 amongst 3mil people!!!! i will attend an amazing university hopefully and its been sooo relaxing to have it finally over! i actually got back with my ex about three months ago and its been going super good 🧿 he is an amazing person who makes me feel loved,secure, funny, beautiful and so many other things. i honestly love him sooo much to a point where its kinda scary. what i mean is that i am scared of ever losing him again. we have been seperate for a year before getting back together and that year has been like living throuh hell for me. we’ve been through so much and to be honest he has broken my heart for a number of times during that year. cant really describe how miswrable i was but its safe to say theres been many sleeples night many blackout days and many tears. but i think it was all worth it and was necessery for us to become the people we are today and fpr us to grow. its better than it ever was today but i must admit i am feeling retroactive jelousy very badly. i cant stop myself from getting hurt or jelous about his past. wheter it be the year we were apart or even before that. but mainly the year we were apart. i really have to tell it in detail for you to understand everything but to sum it up he had a few flings last year and they bother me so much now. apart from the intimacy or sexual experiences he had i often thinl about how he might have liked others. i liked many people whilst we were apart top but maybe because i know i was always in love wth him it doesnt matter. i wish i could just not care and get on with it. i am actually working on this and understand that the feelings i am experiencing arent his fault but a result of my own insecurities and creative mind. i hope it becomes easier! anyways anita again hope youre doing well!! dont forget to look after yourself and dont forget to love yourself and others <3

hi anita

i am not doing very good right now. life is tough.

hope you are okay tho.

love

hey anita!

heres the thing, my stepfaather is sick and the one i had a soft spot for is mm y biological dad.i can proudly say that he doesnt have that much of an effect on my mood nowadays and i certanly dont have the soft spot for him anymore. its firmer. i talked to him about all the things that were wrong about our relationship and i poured my heart to him beginning of this year so that really helped.

about my mom, she is trying super hard to stay positive during this times and is trying to support all members of the family since my fathers diagnosis. i love her more than anyone or anything in the world and im forever grateful for everything she has done for me, for us.

i still havent figured out why my bestfriend suddenly stopped talking to me. i sometimes gat an urge to call her up or something in the hopes of her missing me too. i miss her greatly. our mutual friends tell me all the time that she is happy with how the things are now and that she would like things for to stay as it is tho so i wont call her proably.

with my  boyfriend we basically had a fallout. i was actually thinking of ending things long before our breakup. we werent talking, communicating like we use to do. we drifted apart and both of us did nothing to prevent this. it was a painfull breakup we both cried like crazy in a starbucks which is a core memory now. we both relied on eachother so much and as expected we both took it very hard. we moved on tho. when time goes and everybody else moves on you cant stay in the same place. i have the best memories with him and it is good that we ended things without getting ugly.

the weather is reeeeaaly unbearable and i really dont have time to go to the beach. im at the library everyday. maybe ill take a break like you said and treat myself with a full day of resting.

so much love

soma

hi its me again. i know its been a while amd so much has changed. this year has been the biggest rollercoaster of my life yet. i lost my precious cat beggining of this year like a week after new years. my bestfriend in the whole world decided that i was no good in her life so she just cut me off without am explanation and thats been pretty rough on me. like really rough. she had me questioning anythinf and everything about life. my relationships with others, my attitude towards my enviroment. she pretty much made me think i was the whole problem in the equation. a few months passed since than but the pain of her leaving doesnt seem to fade away she literally ripped my life apart. then in may i broke up with my boyfriend whom i mentioned as someone i cherished. that hit me like a bus. he was the main support on my life in that time after my bestfriends farewell to me. and when he was gone too all i felt was how alone i was for a while. thankfully i had my current best friemd and many others with me so i could at least tey to heal. the weather has been sunny its hot like bery hot. for the first time in my life i find the summer weather suffocating and isolating which surprises me because i used to be a biggg summer girl. i am in year twelwe. im a senior now and that saddens me deeply. the thought of seperating from my beautiful school ( you shpuld look it up its Beşiktaş Anadolu Lisesi) my beautiful friends that supported me through this year its just too painful. i really embraced the highschool life all the drama and all and im leaving in less than a year. simce its my senior year theres this aggravating pain and burden because of college entrance exams. i literally am studyinf my ass off like 8 hours a day type of madness. the burfen and stress is too hard to explain and talk about so im passing this topic. also another big thing-its actually probably tje most importany one- my dad has cancer. he already had three surgeries this year and thats  the furthest of details i can pour out without having a breakdpwn. i dont know your name your age anythinf about you but it seems that when im in my lowest i remember you. you are familiar. thank you for being here and have ♡ a great day,week, lifr <3

thank u for the advice, really. i will take everything a little slover while thinking it through. have a wonderfull day.

heyyyyyy! sorry its been so long. i somehow pushed my anxiety about school and future and all that deep inside me somewhere. its not the best since everything does resurface every other week but i just cant handle all of that atm. i am confident in myself about getting into a good uni. i just have to work my ass of for 2 years straight and that is somehow relieving to think about since thats basically all i have been doing since idk early primary school days. i have always been the overworking studying type i just need to get on the racs again. the simple problem is that i dont know when or where to start buttt i can always ask for help even from stranger on the internet 😀 come to the topic of it thanks a bunch you are awesome and a big help ^^