April 2, 2021 at 9:05 am #377030
recently, my life has been a complete mess. everything about it feels super wrong. i cant seem to find my direction. im not religous so i dont have a magic man to pray to. i just have me and my own judgement of life and it feels scary. thousads of possybilities about whats gonna happen… i have been thinkinkg about that and what they say is right. dont think about the next moment too much or else you will lose it. i lost it all. i dont like asking for help from anyone because growing up i didnt have anyone to help me. i dont remember anything up until 5th grade about home. i just wanted to forget. but none of this is actually the point. i tried asking for help but it didnt do what i expected it to do. now im super tired of myself. my own thoughts constantly circleing around my brain makes me want to sleep. sometimes i feel like my body and my mind split because my body jut cant handle this self sabotaging bitch. whatever the short term is my body forces me to sleep. when i wake up my eyes wont open. my feet wont move. a constant war begins in my head. ‘sleep’ it says. cant handle it for much too long. i force myself to sleep when i ant to wake up and live myself to rhe fullest. any help or advice?April 2, 2021 at 9:35 am #377035
“I have been thinking… I’m super tired.. my own thoughts constantly circling around my brain… a constant war begins in my head”-
– our thinking is supposed to help us make choices that will improve our lives. But too often, for many people, thinking becomes a problem, exhausting us, paralyzing us, and we find ourselves stuck, not able to make the choices that will make our lives better.
This happens when fear gets attached to our thinking and circulates around our brains together with the thoughts. We can’t think effectively when afraid, or when anxious (feeling an ongoing fear through the day or night).
“any help or advice?”- My advice: you have to calm down first, to relax, so to be able to think effectively. Thinking while anxious is not useful. One way to relax is to take a long walk outside, or to do some other exercise, to get the body moving. Can you do that?
anitaApril 2, 2021 at 10:17 am #377038
the overwhelming urge to sleep is usually a way to disassociate from the problem. It’s a way to escape when we believe we can’t deal with life challenges. From what you’ve written, it seems you’re in a difficult situation, which requires you to make important decisions, however you don’t know what to do, and you don’t feel that help is available either. That would warrant your wanting to hide and escape – into sleep. Would you be willing to tell us a bit more about your situation and what’s the biggest challenge you’re facing?April 6, 2021 at 4:00 am #377268
thank you so much for seeing me, hence my struggle. you are so right. i feel like im anxious all around the clock. i try to hide it from people but sometimes i burst out. i am really struggling with school and the expectations people have about me. i am expected to have a great career and a great life but dont even know what i like to do. anyways, thank you so much for the advice i have been trying to treat my body with the affection it deserves. i hope you a great day.April 6, 2021 at 4:20 am #377270
i think i dont just have one problem. i struggle financially, schoolwise, mentally and parentally. people constantly push me into making hard desicions like choosing a career or choosing to love or hate my dad. i struggle with body image and constant judgement from close ones. some people have really high expectations of me because of the highschool i got myself into but in reality there is so many others who deserves my place. i struggle with the relationships i have with people. sometimes i cross boundries that cant be build up once again. but you are right the main thing that keeps me up at night is the thought of growing up, choosing a job, winning a great uni etc. since i live in turkey i need to tru exeptionally harder than anyone else to live a decent life. and then theres the concept of life which i wont get into because it gives me nightmares. the main thing i need help with is choosing a career path to later pursue on. thank you for asking about my problems and thank you for listening. have a blessed day.April 6, 2021 at 4:54 am #377272
you’re welcome. My guess is that you don’t know what to do because you’re not in touch with your true desires and your own inner voice, but are very much under the influence of other people and the need to please them, and not to be judged by them. People (I guess your parents, your family?) have high expectations of you and are expecting you to choose the best university, so you can have a successful career, right? Is there a particular university that they would like you to enroll, and you’re having second thoughts about it?
You also mentioned that you are pushed to make a decision whether to love or hate your dad. Could you expand a bit more on that?
April 6, 2021 at 8:50 am #377281
- This reply was modified 5 days, 3 hours ago by TeaK.
You graduated high school and you plan to attend University next. You wrote: “the main thing I need help with is choosing a career path to later pursue”-
– It is important that you choose the university and the subject that is most likely to lead you to the best career possible in pay, benefits, working conditions and potential for future growth.
I read that the Automotive Industry in Turkey, located mainly in the Marmara region, is very strong, having been ranked in 2015 as the 14th largest producer in the world.
The Turkish tourist industry was ranked 6th in the world in 2019, in terms of number of international tourist arrivals. Because of the pandemic, there was a 65.1% decline in tourism revenues in 2020. A few days ago, Turkey launched a vaccination campaign for over one million of tourism employees and other personnel, in the hope of strengthening the industry. Unfortunately, Turkey is currently experiencing its third pandemic wave and a record high number of daily cases (over 40 thousands a day) and daily deaths.
Another industry that is very relevant to the pandemic is the health care industry.
The reason I mention these three industries is that your choices of university and subject matter need to be about the realities of your country: the existing industries, the pandemic, the state of vaccinations, healthcare, etc.
In my research this morning I came across an article from March 24 this year, published in Al Jazeera, that is relevant to what you brought up (the pressure put on you by family to choose a great career, make enough money, etc., joining the rat race), it is called: Minimalism in Turkey: Journey to a Simple life, it reads: “A Turkish couple and their young child decided to quit the rat race and join the Simple Life movement, decluttering and living with less. ‘Less is more,’ so the saying goes. While many people aspire to earn more, buy more and own more, some are challenging material values.. The ‘simple living’ movement, also known as minimalism, is about being satisfied with what you have rather than constantly craving more…
“They visit a self-sufficient rural commune and meet others who have already rejected consumer values- including a former automotive engineer who have up all his credit cards”.
Not that you are in the position to do what they did, as in to give up credit cards you don’t yet have, but decluttering your mind/ your thoughts will surely help!
Take your time, if you will, and post again.
anitaApril 7, 2021 at 12:53 am #377306
i dont think i have a perticular university in mind but that doesnt mean i dont have any because i have a few of them like Bogazici University, Koc University, ITU etc. i also want to study abroad and live abroad but that doesnt seem possible until i graduate collage. who knows maybe i will master at something. about my dad, he is teh absoulute worst but i have a soft spot for him and that drives everyone around me crazy.for context he left me and my mom when i was a baby and my mom was 19 and came back 10 years later just to manupilate the hell out of me. i think im afraid of him leaving again even tho i talk to him once a month. thats pretty much it and again thank you so so much for asking about my problems.April 7, 2021 at 12:57 am #377307
it is true that my country is going on a downhill and thats why i want to leave and start a new life somewhere else. that is not possible for the next 7 years but i believe that i will make it. when it comes to the topic i want to major in i think its bussiness. i can see myself in a suit going to work. that may sound overwhelming to some but i quite like steady and certain things. i am still figuring out what i like and i am going to take my time. thank you so much for all the research you made for me and for your time. have a great dayApril 7, 2021 at 1:11 am #377308
so if I understand correctly, your parents don’t pressure you to choose a particular university, or a particular field, they just want you to choose a good uni, is that right? And you want that too, so that you can have a life and career abroad. Is that correct? What is it about the university choice that is making you uneasy and that you’re unsure about – is it the field (e.g. science or art, engineering or medicine or law, etc), or something else? Are you afraid you’re not good enough and won’t be able to enroll a particular uni, or won’t be able to perform well later? Try to list all the expectations and fears/dilemmas about the uni, and see what the biggest fear is.
I am sorry about your father being a volatile factor in your life. How is he manipulating you? I understand he’s not living with you and your mother at the moment – is that right?
April 7, 2021 at 5:41 am #377324
- This reply was modified 4 days, 7 hours ago by TeaK.
You are welcome, and thank you for wishing me a great day. Regarding your choice of a university, you mentioned three, they all very prestigious, rank highest in Turkey, all are very difficult to get into, and the majority of the classes in all of them are taught in English (Wikipedia):
1) Bogazici University is the first American higher education institution founded outside the U.S.- how interesting! It was founded in 1863, and to this day, the university maintains strong ties to the American educational system
Problem is, only 800 applicants out of about 1.8 million are admitted for the programs the university is well-known for: electrical and electronics engineering, computer engineering and industrial engineering. About 1% of applicants are admitted to other programs.
2) Koc University: It has an extensive network of over 250 partner-universities including University of California (which I attended, post bachelor degree, a few classes), and it includes a Graduate School of Business (GSB) program- which will fit your interest in majoring in business.
3) ITU, standing for Istanbul Technical University, ranks 1st in Turkey in the fields of Engineering and Technology and in Natural Sciences. It includes 99 undergraduate and 192 graduate programs. Entrance to most of its departments requires the top 1% of nearly 2 million applicants taking the entrance examination. I see on their website the impressive white ITU Faculty of Business building.
You wrote earlier: “I feel like I’m anxious all around the clock… I struggle with the relationships I have with people”- it seems to me that the relationships you have with the people in your life are fueling your anxiety, keeping it going around the clock. To lower your anxiety, change what can be changed in regard to your relationships:
1) Because people are telling you that you should hate your father, if I understand correctly- don’t talk to your mother and others about your father, so to not get their reactions. No reason to stir and receive their disapproval and anger.
2) You wrote that people have expectation of you, and that you “try to hide (your anxiety) from people”- talk to the people (you may be referring to your mother…?) and ask them to go easy on you, tell them that you are more likely to fulfill high expectations when you are calm, and unlikely to do so when you are anxious, so it is to their best interest to not fuel your anxiety. Let them know in details what they need to do- and not do- to promote your calm.
Also, to promote your calm: set a daily routine of aerobic exercise, such as fast walking for half an hour a day, or an hour, and check out mindfulness guided meditation programs, such as the one by former Oxford University professor Mark Williams.