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my body wants an eternal sleep

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Viewing 12 posts - 16 through 27 (of 27 total)
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  • #388407
    soma
    Participant

    i feel really good and welcomed with my life now. i have a significant other that i really cherish. thank you for keeping up with me it means literally the world. how are you?

    #388408
    anita
    Participant

    Dear soma:

    I am fine, thank you. The weather here is grey and rainy, how is it in Turkey? And please do share more about your life, your studies, and your new relationship?!

    anita

    #404771
    soma
    Participant

    hi its me again. i know its been a while amd so much has changed. this year has been the biggest rollercoaster of my life yet. i lost my precious cat beggining of this year like a week after new years. my bestfriend in the whole world decided that i was no good in her life so she just cut me off without am explanation and thats been pretty rough on me. like really rough. she had me questioning anythinf and everything about life. my relationships with others, my attitude towards my enviroment. she pretty much made me think i was the whole problem in the equation. a few months passed since than but the pain of her leaving doesnt seem to fade away she literally ripped my life apart. then in may i broke up with my boyfriend whom i mentioned as someone i cherished. that hit me like a bus. he was the main support on my life in that time after my bestfriends farewell to me. and when he was gone too all i felt was how alone i was for a while. thankfully i had my current best friemd and many others with me so i could at least tey to heal. the weather has been sunny its hot like bery hot. for the first time in my life i find the summer weather suffocating and isolating which surprises me because i used to be a biggg summer girl. i am in year twelwe. im a senior now and that saddens me deeply. the thought of seperating from my beautiful school ( you shpuld look it up its Beşiktaş Anadolu Lisesi) my beautiful friends that supported me through this year its just too painful. i really embraced the highschool life all the drama and all and im leaving in less than a year. simce its my senior year theres this aggravating pain and burden because of college entrance exams. i literally am studyinf my ass off like 8 hours a day type of madness. the burfen and stress is too hard to explain and talk about so im passing this topic. also another big thing-its actually probably tje most importany one- my dad has cancer. he already had three surgeries this year and thats  the furthest of details i can pour out without having a breakdpwn. i dont know your name your age anythinf about you but it seems that when im in my lowest i remember you. you are familiar. thank you for being here and have ♡ a great day,week, lifr <3

    #404773
    anita
    Participant

    Dear soma:

    My goodness, it’s you, after all this time, good to read from you again. I will be away from the computer for a while but will be back to you in a few hours from now.

    anita

    #404778
    anita
    Participant

    Dear soma:

    I read through our previous communication and I read your recent post attentively, but I know that I need to re-read again in the morning when I feel more refreshed and reply then. I am sorry to read that your father is struggling with cancer. I hope that he heals and recovers!

    I know it’s very hot in Turkey, even hotter than where I am at, U.S. I wonder if you have air conditioning…? I’ll be back to you in about 10-11 hours from now.

    anita

    #404838
    anita
    Participant

    Dear soma:

    Back in April 2021, when you started this thread, you were at the end of the 10th grade in high school, I believe, two years to graduation, studying in one of the best high schools in Turkey. You were very anxious at the time, “anxious all around the clock“, you wrote. You were stressed about the high expectations people had of you, “to have a great career” was one such expectation. “(I) don’t even know what I like to do“, you wrote at the time, but you were thinking about a career in business, “I can see myself in a suit going to work“, you wrote back in April 2021.

    You shared that your father left you and your mother when you were a baby and she was 19. He then returned 10 years later “to manipulate the hell out of (you)”,  but you had “a soft spot for him and that drives everyone around (you) crazy“. You shared that you were “afraid of him leaving again” even though you only talked to him once a month.

    In November 2021, you shared: “I have a significant other that I really cherish“.

    Next you posted was yesterday, July 30, 2022. You shared that you are in the 12th grade of high school, currently feeling suffocated in the July summer heat, and saddened by the thought of separating from your “beautiful school” in less than a year. Your school is Beşiktaş Anadolu Lisesi aka Beşiktaş Anatolian High School, located on the European side of Istanbul and one of the best schools in Turkey (beautiful images online). You are busy studying for college exams 8 hours a day.

    You’ve suffered a series of losses this year: the death of your precious cat in January, the ending of  your friendship with your best friend who ended the friendship “without an explanation“, and the loss of your relationship with your significant other in May. Thankfully, you wrote, you still have your “current best friend and many others” with you.

    Also another big thing… my dad has cancer. he already had three surgeries this year and that’s the furthest of details I can pour out without having a breakdown“.

    I don’t know your name your age, anything about you but it seems that when I’m in my lowest I remember you. you are familiar. thank you for being here“- thank you very much, soma. You are very kind, always have been on your thread and I appreciate you for it. My screen name is my real name (anita). I am much older than you but when I attended high school it was not too far away from yours. I grew up with the summer heat you are familiar with- although it was less hot than it is now because of the escalating climate change- but it sure felt very hot and very humid back then, and no air conditioning.

    I would very much like to read more from you and reply further. I will soon be away from the computer for a while and but will post again in your thread when I return.

    anita

    #404864
    soma
    Participant

    thank you anita. i am thinking of communicating with you a lot more often now as i find it really soothing. hope you are okay and the computer thing is just a detox or a holiday. have the best day and thank you for looking forward to my responses!<3

    #404869
    anita
    Participant

    Dear soma:

    I am okay, soma, and you are welcome. I am glad to read that you are thinking of communicating with me more often: please do, anytime you want.   I hope that you continue to focus on your studies but take breaks, maybe go to the beach and get into the (cool but not cold) water: I used to love doing that in the hot summer weekends of July-August.

    You shared long ago that everyone around was going crazy when they noticed that you had a soft spot for your father. I am guessing that they feel better about your soft spot now that he is as sick as he is? You never shared much about him.

    About your mother, all you shared was that she was 19 when you were a baby. I wonder what happened with the best friend who ended the friendship without an explanation, if you figured her reason or reasons, and I wonder what happened with your now former boyfriend/ partner. But of course, you don’t have to share about any of this: no reason to share unless there is something to be learned, or something to express and feel better for it.

    anita

    #404979
    soma
    Participant

    hey anita!

    heres the thing, my stepfaather is sick and the one i had a soft spot for is mm y biological dad.i can proudly say that he doesnt have that much of an effect on my mood nowadays and i certanly dont have the soft spot for him anymore. its firmer. i talked to him about all the things that were wrong about our relationship and i poured my heart to him beginning of this year so that really helped.

    about my mom, she is trying super hard to stay positive during this times and is trying to support all members of the family since my fathers diagnosis. i love her more than anyone or anything in the world and im forever grateful for everything she has done for me, for us.

    i still havent figured out why my bestfriend suddenly stopped talking to me. i sometimes gat an urge to call her up or something in the hopes of her missing me too. i miss her greatly. our mutual friends tell me all the time that she is happy with how the things are now and that she would like things for to stay as it is tho so i wont call her proably.

    with my  boyfriend we basically had a fallout. i was actually thinking of ending things long before our breakup. we werent talking, communicating like we use to do. we drifted apart and both of us did nothing to prevent this. it was a painfull breakup we both cried like crazy in a starbucks which is a core memory now. we both relied on eachother so much and as expected we both took it very hard. we moved on tho. when time goes and everybody else moves on you cant stay in the same place. i have the best memories with him and it is good that we ended things without getting ugly.

    the weather is reeeeaaly unbearable and i really dont have time to go to the beach. im at the library everyday. maybe ill take a break like you said and treat myself with a full day of resting.

    so much love

    soma

     

    #404986
    anita
    Participant

    Dear soma:

    Oh, I see: your step father is sick, not your biological father. I hope that your stepdad get better!

    You don’t have a soft spot for your bio father since the beginning of this year, and you love your mother “more than anyone or anything in the world“- there are lots of saying about mothers’ unconditional, very strong love for their children, but I found out that it is the children’s love for their mothers that is always strong and unconditional.

    Since your former best friend wants things to stay as they are.. better to keep things as they are. I am imagining you and your boyfriend crying like crazy in a Starbucks. What is your favorite coffee at Starbucks?

    when time goes and everybody else moves on you can’t stay in the same place. I have the best memories with him and it is good that we ended things without getting ugly“- mature and wise on your part, I am impressed!

    the weather is reeeeaaly unbearable and I really don’t have time to go to the beach. I’m at the library every day. Maybe I’ll take a break like you said and treat myself with a full day of resting, so much love soma” – the weather here is mild at this time. I wish it was this nice everywhere else in the world. Even the heat wave of a few days ago wasn’t as hot as it is elsewhere. An airconditioned library is heaven in extreme heat. I do wish you take a break though, at the beach, maybe at the end of the day when it is a bit, just a bit cooler? Love back to you-

    anita

    #405032
    soma
    Participant

    hi anita

    its exactly like you said, air conditioned library is my true savior at times like this. i am happy fpr you since the weather is mild there.

    my favorite coffe from starbucks must be the toffe nut latte thats exclusive to winter whats yours?!

    and about moms and their children i strongly agree with you. i feel like children always find ways to love their mother even in the worst conditions.

    love, soma

    #405046
    anita
    Participant

    Dear soma:

    My favorite coffee at Starbucks is soy latte, 3 extra shots, strong and very sweet.  “Children always find ways to love their mother, even in the worst conditions“- I couldn’t have said it better. Love back to you!

    anita

Viewing 12 posts - 16 through 27 (of 27 total)

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