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You are all awesome and I love you guys for sharing your insights <3
@theruminant You have beautifully explained one of my major dilemmas so far. I often struggle with having a concrete view of the self which can be defined. My friends, when asked who are they define themselves as ” confidant, independent, kind ECt ” and I could never pin it down to one or two or even a couple of things. You said ” who they seem to be is not the totality of who they are, and what is underneath is more similar than different ” – I actually read something very similar by Osho as well. Once I started coming to terms with this very realization, I do feel connected to people and realize that those that have hurt me in the past, they are also suffering in much pain ( pain that haven’t risen to their surface yet ) it’s such a beautiful concept once you get hold of it .
It’s interesting how as human beings we have a fear of being lost or having a crisis. I myself have suffered from a fear of being weak, not able to handle it ect than actually being weak when the moment arises. I also see the fixation at times of having a fixed identity and beliefs about what we are and what we ” should be ” . Ah the should statements gets me the most :/ What I am – is changing in any given moment – very true, but don’t you think that sometimes having a fluid sense of self can also create conflict / crisis ? For me it creates confusion. For example – am I suppose to be strong in a given moment of pain or should I allow myself to break down and let it out of my system ? If I develop a pattern of breaking down each time ( since I allowed myself to ) then will I ever know what it is to be strong ? It’s hard to separate thoughts of what I am suppose to be and what I am . A positive supposition can sometimes be a self fulfilling prophecy you know. The whole idea of ” fake it till you make it ”But I do see your point. I was sitting on a small hill top in a park where two little kids (4-5 yr olds ) were trying to go around the hill today.
The younger one said : ” I don’t see where we are going I don’t see the path”( in a worrisome tone )
Older one responded : “Just keep walking you will see the path soon, it’s already there we just have to keep walking and we will see it ”
I had a huge smile on my face after eaves dropping on their little talk . Haha things you learn from kids 😀Cyd your words did resonate with me deeply. Just that overlying and overbearing feeling that takes me of track at times. That feeling of ” I wish I can make you understand what you did was soo wrong” – This takes over me so much, as much I try to resist, it persist. As the saying goes. And you are right, perhaps that will be seeking validation all over again but overtime your heart and mind gets so used to having that mentality that any chance you get calling for a change and anything that makes you look and feel powerful supersedes rational logic. I know it is none of my business to tell him what is wrong with him. But I have had that done to me for so long that my mind automatically reverts back to its egotistical ways.
Kelly Thanks for sharing the website. The author has pretty awesome practical and relatable insights. I loved it !!
Mann, It is my ego indeed. I do recognize it more clearly now than ever. It really seems like a work of a lifetime, my automatic way of thinking is defensive these days. But when I look at the bigger picture I do try to zoom out and snap out of the tiny details that were keeping me tied up in this vicious circle.
Moongal, I am running a little behind in reading your post. But as I was reading it I had a tiny smile on my face, knowing that as humans even though we are so unique in our own kind we have so much in common. Especially our everyday struggles. You mentioned comparing yourself to others and feeling uncertain at times. I am in the same boat. I was also looking into post graduate school but this overlying feeling of uncertainty and lack of stability in my life and career often fills me with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. But overtime, I did realize that comparing myself to others and having too many ” I should be ” statements and self talk really did create a lot of unhappiness and restlessness.
Off course as human beings we look for stability in our lives. But uncertainty has it’s own beauty in itself and more often you will find what is uncertain now will unfold for the better in due time and you will have a clear perspective
( see you did get your first acceptance letter, I am sure there are lots more to come). For the longest time, I almost had a need to know things with greater certainty, momentary doubts created nothing but fear. But I have realized that everyone makes their own discoveries in their own time. Not allowing yourself this time and to always run with the crowd is not only exhausting but counter productive.
Funny that Matt mentioned OSho, I was recently reading one of his books and your post resonated with it. The moment we are living in tomorrow we are living a half hearted today. Plus our tomorrow which seems so uncertain is born out of today. So if you let the impatience just pass by as it enters your mind and body, it will slowly pass by without causing too much disturbance . All you have to do is just wait and watch it like an observer . Accept it’s presence and send it on its way, allowing it to take it’s own course. Do check our Brene Browm’ s “Whole Hearted Living” She goes over very similar concepts in much detail and precision . You sound like a bright and compassionate soul and I am positive that everything will work out and in time you will have a clear vision. If it is taking long, ItS OKAY 🙂 you are going to be just fine and make it out much stronger.– Zita
Dear Ellie,
You did understand my question correctly. I guess I couldn’t have worded it better. Yes this was precisely my point and a topic of contemplation ” if he came on here (for example) he would be offered the advice for self forgiveness and self compassion etc? And quite rightly, why should he have the opportunity for that? ”
I personally respect the people that seek forgiveness and the ones that have a heart to forgive. It has been a battle for me for few weeks now. The more I resist thinking about it , the more my thoughts about him persist .
I did try reading, and it helps. I like the idea of adding to the same letter, instead of rehashing everything down. But I also worry that writing my true feelings might lead me to actually send the letter . Which I will probably regret . My subconscious mind knows that the letter is not meant to be send. Perhaps reading it out loud might create that space . I am usually a calm person , but in all fairness I am having hard time accepting the idea that if he were to come here people will tell him to forgive himself and my suffering will have to weight in the end . But thank you for your suggestions, I do a lot of reading and writing, just have to get in a habit stepping out of my mind when I am seeing a downward spiral .
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 