@Tim1 Thanks bro, I really am very touched and appreciate you coming online to congratulate me and send warm wishes. You played a significant part in my journey here. You and your little family stay well, I have every faith you’re acing fatherhood!

@Sammy1 It didn’t come home! Shame, but we had a good run, bring on WC 2022!

No need to deep it, I wanted to offer you that because you have been there from the very beginning for me, being fair and firm through a very difficult period of my journey.  I value that quality in a person and wish to repay it. I didn’t stop to think that it might come across creepy though ahaha! I am extremely grateful and would repay your efforts anytime.

‘B’ is aware that I’m part of an online community that’s helped me, I am fortunate I can share anything with her but I love that she doesn’t feel the need to coax for the finer details about it and understands this has been my private venting place, so I get where you’re coming from. It is equally important to have your own personal space and be able to share certain things in your own time with your partner. It comes down to trust.

I’m in a very good place in my life so naturally will not be online. I have loved being able to help others too but realistically I have such a busy schedule ahead. However Sammy for you the offer is always on the table and I am happy with whatever you decide. You can @ me whenever you need, I’ll always respond.

Ahaha to answer your question truthfully, it was awkward at first when ‘B’ asked to invite her ex, I knew from early on before proposing they were still friends. That didn’t surprise me, everyone she blesses her presence with is left better, that’s the quality I love about ‘B’ the most. Her good nature and ability to keep good ties with everyone she meets. It’s so rare in our generation. Even when she walked away from me the first time, she was so calm and kind after how I treated her.

As a man I admit I was dubious at first as to why her ex was still on the scene. Women and men are fundamentally different, women can easily be friends but facts are we men are takers, when we have shared real feelings for a woman and still care we either remain “friends” with hope to swoop in given an opportune moment OR we admit defeat, realising we can’t handle being friends because it is too late, it hurts too much to be around the person. It stirs feelings of what could’ve been so we protect ourselves over a friendship.

There really is no in between for majority of us but exceptions to the rule always exist. In this case I think it’s an exception, time will tell but I trust ‘B.’

She told me her ex had always treated her well, it was a mutual split because they wanted different things in life. They played a significant role in each others life and managed to stay friends, they had always wanted the best for each other. They stopped dating after university and ‘B’ has dated since and been single so it’s been years and nothings happened.

Although I may have appeased a little I’m glad I did, I realised her emotional intelligence and maturity is on a different level to mine, I accepted she wanted him there for one of the most important moments of her life. That important moment was with me. I wanted to be mature too so I ended up inviting my ex and ex best mate. Let bygones be bygones. With my ex, I have no desire to be friends because I realised I don’t care for someone who betrayed me. That’s not love.

Before the wedding day I had to shut down the little whispers from my inner critic and remind myself I trust her so his intentions don’t matter, when the wedding day came, honestly although I could see he was a very attractive lad and Asian which didn’t help as I was subjected to some snide remarks, I was completely enchanted by ‘B’ and he nor my own ex crossed my mind , in the end we had chosen each other and I felt 1 million percent certain in my choice. It was an incredible feeling to have no lingering regrets, I felt it was just her and I in the room during all the events. It was a risky move appeasing but paid off.

Talking of the snide remarks. ‘B’ read the letter once we returned and was completely devastated. I thank my lucky stars she didn’t before the wedding it would have completely ruined it for her.

She was livid initially, a scary side I’ve not seen and she gets this vessel bulging on her forehead I’ve never noticed because I’ve never seen her so angry. Which is kinda cute ahaha. She rang her father straight away and majority of the conversation was in her mother tongue I didn’t understand but knew it was serious.

Her father came around shortly after and it really made me nervous, given the bumpy start we had when i was introduced to him but I was touched by his actions. It was a nice gesture by him and it’s actually made us closer, he thanked me for not causing a ruckus beforehand, family respect is big thing for them and said he would see to it that the family members apologise and it wouldn’t happen again on his watch.

When he left I reassured ‘B’ it didn’t matter anymore and we had navigated ourselves through it, but she commented that “we” hadn’t and now she understood why I had not been as enthused in the lead up and had to deal with it alone, she just burst into tears. I told her I didn’t want her to feel guilty, I loved and trusted her but chose not to tell her as I was worried about her health at the time and didn’t want to ruin the magic for her. I hate seeing her upset, she was deeply sorry, she wished she had known and profusely apologised for the pressure, her family members and also said she was sorry for inviting her ex. If she had known sooner what was happening she wouldn’t have allowed it to be fuel for her guests to score points against me. The whole thing has brought us closer, I know she’s got my back. I feel deeply loved by her, I feel I’m her priority even though she has that family responsibility. Even with the inevitable issues everything ricochets because we are a team. I’m finally with someone who I really see and she sees me and we love each other for it.

The honeymoon was sublime, 3 S’s galore and I’m pleasantly surprised I knew she was a minx but we do come from different cultures, I’m a red blooded male and very accepting of a woman expressing her sexuality in a relationship. She’s brought up a bit more conservatively, but boy is she fun and can keep up. Ahaha. If she read this she would kill me!

There was a tiny bit of a  moment though. ‘B’ has a killer lithe figure, she always garners attention because of it and couple that with her being naturally warm and welcoming, men are drawn to her which does irritate me at times. Insecurities I guess. Being on a beach it was the first time she wore a bikini around me, and the long lingering looks from other men made me feel very uncomfortable!

I managed to stop it in its track , I realised because I love her so much , I don’t want my view of wifey to be “shared” but we share this level of trust and respect for each others choices. So I settled on other men can just look and be jealous as I am the lucky man who gets all of her. So I didn’t let it spiral into something bigger. Which is major progress for me!

‘B’ being her perceptive self must have detected the squirming because the next few occasions on the beaches wore kimonos or dresses on top. Not going to pretend I didn’t prefer it but I wanted to ensure she was happy, I love our communication it’s so easy! Other than that the honeymoon was light and pure bliss!

We unfortunately got pinged yesterday, someone on the return flight must have tested positive on day 2, so now we are having to quarantine despite going to a green list country.

In one way it’s fantastic to be able to squeeze in some more quality time just the two of us
because we both have busy schedule ahead with work commitments, on the other hand the weather in UK is scorching so it’s frustrating we can’t utilise it to mingle together with our family and friends. So much for “freedom day”!

@Rhaenys you asked me what the early days are like. We will officially be married for a month this week ! Time flies! Planning on doing something cute for our 1 month anniversary, any idea ladies? It has to be at home because of quarantine.

But to sum up newlywed life, I love it. Life really is down to making the right choices, with ‘B’ I really did. I focused on who met my actual needs and wants and who I really was. When you do that you can’t really go wrong. I have an invigorating partner by my side who I can completely be myself with, she makes me feel young, she makes me feel wild desire, and I really value her emotional depth and understanding, the way she makes me feel loved.

My lease to my place in London is coming to an end, after quarantine I’ll be permanently moving into ‘B’s’ place she has time left on hers. We are hoping to get our new house ready in that time frame. It’s the most amazing feeling going to bed with her with no restraints and waking up next to her. I really enjoy calling her my wifey, I feel proud that she’s mine. I feel she’s proud of me too.

It isn’t all plain sailing, the annoying habits we are discovering about each other leads to minor squabbles but it is actually proving fun, teasing is such a big part of our chemistry.

Also on one occasion we locked horns over something, it fed into our sexual desire for one another. So our friends were right, we have natural sexual chemistry and I love we still can create sexual tension between us after the catching up we did over the honeymoon. It is fun, exciting and I will openly admit sex is very important need for me.

Very excited to create our new home and space together with no lingering history and a fresh clean slate too. I feel proud that I chose something she loves and I’m able to provide for her. I’m very traditional in some ways. This was very important to me.

I’m happy. I’m happy I went through all the betrayal, I’m happy I reached out for help and my vulnerability led me to the right person. I’m happy on the work I continue to do on myself and I’m certain if ‘B’ and I continue in the same vain we have the best years ahead of us.

I can only say @Rhaenys sometimes things don’t make sense until you find your actual soulmate. You have relationships in between where you think you’ve found love, you convince yourself because you’ve settled out of fears and insecurities. Just be you, and when you meet the person that makes you feel like a moth drawn to the flame. Jump in with your whole heart, risk it. It is only the most beautiful exciting things that have the potential to ignite a real raging fire. It will transform us.

Never let go of a person who does that for you. Dont settle in love. You’ll soon get bored if it isn’t the right person, your needs and desires seep out. I was always drawn to ‘B’s light because she is the most beautiful light. I could have lost the best thing that ever happened to me if I didn’t go back towards that flame. I let go and allowed myself to love her how I wanted and yes I may get burned one day you just never know it’s always a risk but for the first time in life I am experiencing as well as giving unconditional love, insatiable desire for the same person and if I burst into flames I can really say it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

I hope I have been of some use to you, I hope reading my journey helps in some way and you reach your home too whether that’s a relationship or being happy with you.

@Jay2023 not heard from you bro, everything okay mate?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Danny.