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Posts tagged with “boundaries”

Why Protecting Your Energy Isn’t Selfish or Shameful

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Ian Maclaren

A friend recently told me a story about her mother that stayed with me.

They walk together some evenings around her mom’s apartment building—part exercise, part ritual. Her mom doesn’t enjoy small talk. When they pass people in the building, she usually keeps her eyes forward. There’s one woman in particular who always says, “How are you?” Years ago, her mom would respond. Now she doesn’t. She keeps walking.

My friend felt conflicted. Part of her understood. Another part felt uncomfortable. She said, “Sometimes saying ‘I’m fine’ …

When Being Helpful Hurts: A Guide to Better Boundaries When You’re Feeling Drained

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“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” ~Tony Gaskins

It was a Tuesday afternoon when I said the word that saved my sanity: “No.”

Just two letters. But the weight I’d been carrying for twenty-eight years finally lifted.

My phone was ringing. Again. It was my cousin, and I already knew what she wanted before I answered. Could I watch her kids this Saturday? I know it’s your only day off, but it would really help me out.

I sat in my car in the grocery store parking lot, …

Letting Go of the “Good Person” Identity and Spiritual Expectations

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“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

For many years, I was deeply involved in spiritual communities—satsangs, meditation centers, ashrams, and groups focused on positivity, service, and personal growth. These places gave me comfort, community, and a sense of purpose. But they also shaped something inside me that I didn’t fully recognize until much later:

I had built my self-worth around being a “good person.”

On the surface, it sounds harmless. Who doesn’t want to be good, kind, and helpful? But looking back, I see how the pressure I put …

When Love Feels Like Pain: Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

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“Sometimes the person you love the most is the one who teaches you the hardest lesson about yourself.” ~Unknown

I once thought that being in a relationship meant sacrificing parts of myself for the sake of “love.”

I stayed when I should have left.

I forgave when I hadn’t healed.

I silenced myself when I needed to speak. I gave up my voice, my boundaries, and my sense of emotional safety. I stopped expressing my needs to avoid conflict. I minimized my feelings so I wouldn’t be “too much.” I slowly disconnected from the parts of me that felt confident, …

The Growth That Came from Not Saying Sorry

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“You are not responsible for other people’s emotional reactions.” ~Susan Forward

This morning, in our usual rush and routine heading to school, my son was looking for something, as per usual. I calmly asked what he was doing, and he snapped at me. That’s not uncommon.

I stayed regulated and grounded to help him regulate. But sometimes, that calm turns into overfunctioning.

Codependency has a way of sneaking in the back door. As someone who was once deeply codependent, I still fall into old habits—being the one who holds it together, who stays calm for others. And if they

…

Why Your Friendships Make You Feel Anxious and Overthink Everything

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“Many of our relationship struggles are not character flaws but survival strategies that once made sense.” ~Unknown

Throughout my life I’ve often been described as confident and outgoing. I can be the “life and soul” of a party and am able to strike up conversations with a wide variety of people.

But what nobody would have guessed is that I secretly struggled to navigate close friendships. I used to overthink every unanswered text, I felt I needed to please to keep friends close, and I even pushed friends away because I thought they didn’t care.

What made it worse was …

The Question That Helped Me Reclaim My Time and Energy

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“You can’t add more to your life until you first let go of what weighs you down.” ~Unknown

I used to think being busy meant being successful. My days were a blur of meetings, notifications, and commitments. My calendar looked impressive, but at night I lay awake wondering why I felt so exhausted and strangely unfulfilled.

One rainy Tuesday, stuck in traffic between two appointments I didn’t really want to attend, it hit me: I wasn’t living my life. I was managing it. I’d filled my days with activity, but not necessarily with value. That moment of realization started a …

Learning to Feel Safe Resting After a Lifetime of People-Pleasing

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“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ~John Lubbock

For years, I thought exhaustion was a sign I lived fully and did my best that day. I felt proud of being exhausted. I squeezed every bit out of the day, and there was nothing left.

If I felt tired, I pushed myself to do just one more thing. It was always just one more thing. If I needed …

How to Stay Kind Without Losing Yourself to Toxic Behavior

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“The strongest people are the ones who are still kind after the world tore them apart.” ~Raven Emotion

A few months ago, I stopped being friends with my best friend from childhood, whom I had always considered like my brother.

It was a tough decision, but I had to make it.

In the past five years, my friend (let’s call him Andy) had become increasingly rude and dismissive toward my feelings.

Not a single week went by without him criticizing me for being optimistic and for never giving up despite being a “failure.”

Still, I tried to be understanding. I …

5 Surefire Signs You Grew Up with an Emotionally Immature Parent

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“There’s no such thing as a ‘bad kid’—just angry, hurt, tired, scared, confused, impulsive ones expressing their feelings and needs the only way they know how. We owe it to every single one of them to always remember that.” ~Dr. Jessica Stephens 

All children look up to their parents from the moment they enter this world. They have this beautiful, pure, unconditional love pouring out of them. Parents are on a pedestal. They are the ones who know what’s best! They are the grownups showing us how to do life!

We don’t think for one moment that they could be …

Work Is Not Family: A Lesson I Never Wanted but Need to Share

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“The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect.” ~Peter Levine

I was sitting in the conference room at work with the CEO and my abusive male boss.

The same boss who had been love-bombing and manipulating me since I started nine months earlier, slowly pushing my nervous system into a constant state of fight-or-flight.

When I was four months into the job, this boss went on a three-day bender during an overnight work conference at a fancy hotel in Boston.

He skipped client meetings or showed up smelling …

3 Surprising Causes of Burnout That Most People Miss

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“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” ~Lucille Ball

The first time I experienced burnout, I was twenty-six.

I was at the height of my career in London, doing it all, and yet I somehow found myself back at my parents’ house, sobbing in my mom’s car, after signing myself off from work, not having a clue how I landed there.

Burnout isn’t just about being tired from overexertion. It’s when we reach physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion after pushing ourselves past our capacity for too long.

When we finally stop, often against our will, all the confusing …

When the Person You Love Is Disappearing into Addiction

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“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and myself at the same time.” ~Prentis Hemphill

I thought I had seen the worst of it. I thought I knew what it meant to watch someone you love disappear into addiction. My mother taught me that lesson long before I was old enough to truly understand it.

Growing up, I saw her sink deep into heroin. I learned to read the signs before she even spoke. I knew when she was high. I knew when she was lying. I knew when she was gone, even when she was …

The Lonely Ache of Self-Worth That No One Talks About

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“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” ~Kahlil Gibran

They don’t talk about this part.

The hardest part about knowing your worth—after doing the work, setting boundaries, and getting crystal clear on what you want—is the ache.

Not just any ache. The ache of being awake. The ache of knowing. The ache of not settling.

I remember the first time I walked away from someone who didn’t mistreat me but who also didn’t quite meet me. I had spent years unraveling my old patterns: the people-pleasing, the over-giving, the “maybe this is …

How I Found My Midlife Roar in the Beautiful Mess of Perimenopause

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“Menopause is a journey where you rediscover yourself and become the woman you were always meant to be.” ~Dr. Christiane Northrup

I recently had a healing session with a dear client of mine.

“Before we begin,” she asked, “how are you?”

I blinked and said, “Oh, you know, the usual. Just navigating perimenopause. Hallucinating about living alone without my partner one minute and panicking about dying alone the next.”

She burst into laughter.

“Oh, thank God,” she said. “I find myself browsing apartment listings weekly. Good to know I’m not the only one.”

Ah, yes, the sacred scrolls of apartment …

You Don’t Have to Be Strong All the Time

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“Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is to ask for help.” ~Unknown

We live in a world that praises strength—especially quiet strength. The kind that shows up, gets things done, and rarely complains. The kind that’s resilient, dependable, productive. But what happens when the strong one quietly breaks inside?

“You are a superwoman!”

“You’re so reliable!”

“You’re the glue that holds everyone together.”

I wore those compliments like badges of honor. For years, I believed them. Not just believed them—I built my identity around them.

I’ve always been a multitasker. A jack of all trades. I managed work, home, …

When Growth Comes with Grief Because People Still See the Old You

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“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” ~Deepak Chopra

There’s a strange ache that comes with becoming healthy. Not the physical kind. The relational kind. The kind that surfaces when we’re no longer quite so wired to betray ourselves for belonging. When we stop curating ourselves to fit into spaces where we used to shrink, bend, or smile politely through the dissonance.

Years of hard work and effort, slowly unwrapping all those unhealthy ways of being in the world, cleaning off my lenses to see more clearly …

What Happened When I Stopped Saying Yes to Everything

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“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~Brené Brown 

I used to believe that if someone was in need and I had the ability to help, it was my duty to step in. Whether it was managing caregiving responsibilities for family, fielding crisis calls from friends, or stepping up at work when no one else would, I said yes without hesitation. For me, helping seemed to be the measure of a “good person.”

But what I didn’t realize is that many of us confuse obligation with responsibility.

Obligation feels …

She Healed

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My Quiet Breakthrough: 3 Self-Care Lessons That Changed Everything

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“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” ~Eleanor Brownn

My breaking point came on a Monday morning at 6 a.m.

It had been the same routine for months: up at 5 a.m., brush my teeth, put on my workout clothes, move my body, weigh myself.

On this morning, the scale’s numbers glared back, stubborn as ever. My reflection in the mirror seemed foreign—tired eyes, face still sweaty, a body that felt like a lead weight. Outside, cars …