Posts tagged with “wisdom”
Why “Find Your Purpose” is Bad Advice and What to Do Instead
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” ~Pablo Picasso
I was fifty-two when I found my purpose. I wasn’t even looking. It literally just smacked me upside the head. That’s a funny thing about life. It throws things your way, and you either grab them and run with them or you turn a blind eye and walk on by.
I used to turn a blind eye. I don’t anymore. These days I’m taking in all that life tosses my way. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
How
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Where Our Inner Critic Comes from and How to Tame It
“Your inner critic is simply a part of you that needs more self-love.” ~Amy Leigh Mercee
We all have that critical and judgmental inner voice that tells us we’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc.
It tells us we don’t do anything right. It calls us stupid. It compares us to other people and speaks harshly about ourselves and our bodies. It tells us all the things we did or said “wrong” after communicating or connecting with someone.
Sometimes it projects criticism outward onto others so we can feel better about ourselves. Other times we try to …
If You’re Trapped Under a Pile of “Should” and Tired of Feeling Unhappy
“Stop shoulding on yourself.” ~Albert Ellis
I was buried under a pile of shoulds for the first thirty-two years of my life. Some of those shoulds were put on me by the adults in my life, some were heaped on because I am a middle child, but most were self-imposed thanks to cultural and peer influence.
“You should get straight A’s, Jill.”
“You shouldn’t worry so much, Jill.”
“You should be married by now, Jill.”
“You should get your Master’s degree.”
I could go on forever. The pile was high, and I was slowly suffocating from the crushing weight on …
How I Developed Self-Worth After Being Sexually Harassed and Fired
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown
In my early twenties, I was a food and beverage manager at a nice hotel in Portland, Maine. About a month after I started working there, they hired our department director, a man twice my age whom I would report to.
At the end of his first week, we went out for a “get to know each other” drink at a loud and busy bar. As we drank and chatted, he was physically very close to me. I told myself it was because of the noise.
His …
I Was Addicted to Helping People – Here’s Why It Made Me Miserable
“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” ~Maya Angelou
Growing up in Africa, I was told that the virtue and worth of a woman lies in her ability to take care of everyone around her; that a woman was considered good or worthy when everyone around her was happy and pleased with her. I took this advice to heart, especially since I watched my mother meet this standard to a T. Putting everyone else, including strangers, above herself.
Most of the Things We Learn as Kids
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Before You Reach Out to That Person from Your Past: 3 Things to Consider
“You don’t have to rebuild a relationship with everyone you’ve forgiven.” ~Unknown
It’s natural, when you’re hurting and lonely, to want to reach out to people you’ve been close to in the past.
Especially if there’s unfinished business with someone. And especially given the added isolation that comes with a global pandemic.
Whether or not you do reach out is entirely your prerogative. For what it’s worth, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad idea to try—in most cases, a “Whoops” is better than a “What if…?” Whatever the result, you’ll learn something. It might be …
I Was a Bulimic Nutritionist, but I’m No Longer Ashamed or Hiding
“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” ~ Brené Brown
I felt like a hypocrite. I would tell my nutrition clients to eat a salad with vegetables, then I’d go home and scarf down an entire pizza. After guilt and shame set in, I would purge and throw it up.
I think I became a nutritionist partly so I could better control my relationship with food. If I learned the secrets behind eating I could biohack my way to putting the fork down, losing weight, and finally being happy. This was back when I thought thinness equaled happiness.
It’s taken …
Hurt by Negative People? How to Stop Taking Things Personally
“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.” ~Kamand Kojouri
The saying goes that money makes the world go round, but of course that’s not true.
It’s our relationships.
How we relate to other people and how they relate to us keeps our world turning. When things go well, all’s right with our world. When things go badly, it can feel as though our world has ground to a halt.
This is exactly how I felt whenever I had a difficult experience with a …
How I Stopped Feeling Unworthy of Love (And Finally Learned to Receive It)
“I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you’re strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t.” ~Tiffany Tomiko
When I was in my early thirties, I briefly dated someone right after my divorce.
It was one of those fast and furious things that had no label and left me wondering if I made most of it up in my head.
It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. How many times had I ended up feeling rejected and abandoned? I was trying so hard to impress a partner, but no matter what …
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